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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
ChiaraRimini · 06/06/2018 07:14

How old are the DC? Could you look around for a local teenager to babysit them at home instead of holiday club for part of the time, just to break it up a bit? Mine found holiday clubs exhausting

tempester28 · 06/06/2018 07:15

It's not ideal but on the other hand lots of kids get bored and lonely in the holidays. You have no choice so focus on the positives. They will have the company of other children and presumably plenty of activities.
It is certainly not cruel.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/06/2018 07:17

As pp have said, you have no choice.

But I’d be doing two things now - booking next summer’s annual leave now, and looking for a family-friendly job. I can’t believe any employer would put a blanket ban on annual leave for a single parent of two young children, one of whom is disabled, during the entire school holidays.

Just to say though, about your objection to a nanny because they would be a teenager is probably unfounded - round here all the holiday club activities are run by teenagers and young adults. It’s rare to get an older person working in a holiday club.

Hissy · 06/06/2018 07:17

To every last one on here that says ‘it’s cruel’

Fuck the fuck off! Seriously

It is NOT cruel, they will have a ball! Kids love to play and they’ll be doing WAY more things at holiday camp than a parent could necessarily do.

Op, it’s absolutely fine, holiday clubs are often brilliant!

Do you get childcare vouchers? I found they help lessen the blow if you save them up

CCSA · 06/06/2018 07:19

What type of work do you do which means it’s absolutely impossible to not have even a single day of leave over a six week period?

You are entitled to your annual leave and your employer has an obligation to be reasonable - recognising your situation to allow at least a small break e.g. Friday - Monday weekend seems like it would be reasonable to me.

Could you raise a query with HR in your job? Just feels like a concession like that would mean a lot to you and your kids in the circumstances.

missadasmith · 06/06/2018 07:19

Is it going to be like this every summer or is it just this summer? I don't think it's fair if this is how it's going to be how it is every summer.

pinkhorse, fair on whom? ever thought it's actually also bloody tough for the parent. no break over the summer, no real quality time with the DC (I guess on weekends, OP will play catch up at home).

What do you suggest for a lone parents without support network and a child with special needs who is seemingly doing her best in a very difficult situation?

I have a disabled child myself and intake my hat off to OP. I couldn't manage full hours and I have a DH.

TheFirstMrsDV · 06/06/2018 07:20

Its not cruel.
You are doing your best.
Your children will be fine.
The alternative is not buying food, paying the mortgage etc.

I know families where mum worked day jobs and then went on to an evening job to keep the family together.
In most cultures that sort of commitment would be admired not described in terms of child abuse.

Ideally you would have a lovely holiday with your DCs but that isn't an option. It isn't for many families.
Its life.

madeyemoodysmum · 06/06/2018 07:20

If you can get away on a Friday try booking a night or two at a premier inn or travel lodge near the sea for a break for the dc. It's pretty cheap
I've just done a long weekend in Yorkshire dales for £100 in half term.

Seen much cheaper than that too.

Theworldisfullofgs · 06/06/2018 07:20

I think it is as it is and you just have to get on with it. Plan a nice half term break and book it now.

If you have any friends that can help for the odd day off, take them up on it.
And my kids envied the kids that were there more as they had great relationships with the staff as they knew them.
Ignore everyone else if they cant say anything constructive.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 06/06/2018 07:22

It's not cruel at all, they will have a blast and it's downtime as no lessons etc. I'd guess all those saying it is are sahps with no financial responsibility for the household.

I'd offer to have them for you to save on childcare costs over the summer if you were my friend. I often end up with several extra and we go out and about.

You are working to provide for their every need, it's not like they are in club whilst you are shopping or lunching is it.

Rachie1973 · 06/06/2018 07:23

You do what you have to do with kids. Me & DH ran our own business and they ended up having to come in with us and sit on the mezzanine floor with games and DVDs etc a lot. They were bored, but I had to work. I just didn't have a choice if I wanted to feed them!

Its not 'cruel'. What was cruel was when our business folded and we couldn't afford a mortgage and ended up in a B & B with them all for 3 weeks.

You're doing your absolute best for your kids. Don't let anyone drag you down for it!

PrincessHairyMclary · 06/06/2018 07:23

I used to work for a UK residential summer camp, we had lots of children who were sent to us for the entire summer holiday mostly from other countries so that the children could improve their English some of them were only 6 years old so didn't see their parents for the entire holiday.

So just because it isn't normal in your social group doesn't mean other parents don't do it. You are not being cruel, you are doing what is necessary, the only difference I would make is perhaps look if there are perhaps sports clubs that offer daycare so that they can learn a skill. I know our local dry slope ski place offers 8:30-5:30 as does the local water sports place and it's a time a very similar cost to a holiday club.

They will be fine, there are very long nights in the summer plenty of time for quality time and a trip to the park in the evening.

PoppyFleur · 06/06/2018 07:25

whatwouldbe if you were my friend I would tell you what a brilliant job you are doing raising your children and putting their welfare first. You are working hard to provide a home, be proud of that.

Holiday clubs factor in downtime and yes kids do need a break, but a break from school and schedules not a break from fun and friends. I was a latch key kid and I would have loved some time at holiday club.

QueenArnica · 06/06/2018 07:25

Wow how very unhelpful of your Mum and friends if they’re not actually offering to help.

Kids are resilient and will do a whole host of fun things at holiday club. Please don’t beat yourself up over it Smile

Bitlost · 06/06/2018 07:28

It’s not cruel. Your business should allow you time off - even if just a few days. I also have friends who work in jobs where summer is busy and they still get leave.

Anyway they’ll be fine at holiday club. My DD loves it and even wants to go when she could stay home with DH who works from home.

I’d just make sure holiday club gives them time to chill a bit.

Rachie1973 · 06/06/2018 07:29

Don't lots of American kids go off to 'summer camp' for a month at a time etc?

TheIsland · 06/06/2018 07:30

Don't lots of American kids go off to 'summer camp' for a month at a time etc?
Yes, but summer holidays are 3 months long and adults get around 2 weeks holiday per year.

MrsBertBibby · 06/06/2018 07:31

Cruel my arse.

I think your company is pretty vile not giving you any time off, and you would be justified in telling them it makes you feel pretty unvalued, but more than that your mum should be ashamed of herself. How dare she?

grasspigeons · 06/06/2018 07:33

Tge thing that has the biggest impact on a childs life chances is poverty. Be proud that you are doing everything you can to stop that situation.

On an ideal world children need a rest so have calm evening, weekends and pick a couple of clubs that have a quiet theme. E.g. an active sporty one and then an outdoorsy one, then an arty one.

Lethaldrizzle · 06/06/2018 07:36

I've always prioritised taking at least 2 weeks off over the summer holidays and have turned down jobs because of it. I would not do it personally

MumofBoysx2 · 06/06/2018 07:37

Surely your work can't make you take zero time off with your children during the hols, isn't there a law against that? :-( Would they at least allow unpaid leave? I'd be looking for a more sympathetic employer!

SoupDragon · 06/06/2018 07:38

I'd guess all those saying it is are sahps with no financial responsibility for the household.

Well done on shoehorning that dig in [slow hand clap]

OP of course it’s not cruel. There are (I assume!) still weekends to laze about and do nothing.

SanJunipero · 06/06/2018 07:39

There are some really unhelpful responses on this thread; someone's going to suggest that the OP has a spa day next...

It sounds like you're doing a fab job, OP - it really can't be easy looking after kids with no help. They'll be fine in holiday club, honestly.

tomhazard · 06/06/2018 07:39

Don't even think about it op. There is nothing you can do about it and I'm sure they will have a nice time at an action packed holiday club - they can chill at the weekends you don't have to plan anything major into those - picnics, films, relaxing stuff.
I'm sure you will all get a break together in the future and you shouldn't feel guilty for one minute for working hard enough to provide a roof over the heads of your DC.
Sorry to hear you don't have a lot of support around.

annandale · 06/06/2018 07:40

I think your kids will be OK. I hope you get the odd day/afternoon off, partly for their sake, mostly for yours.

If it's going to be the same next year I'd be trying to negotiate a deal with the holiday club for an early bird booking Smile