is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

My son attended ATE Superweeks over the summer, it’s resudential and he absolutely loved it x

Really surprised at how many posters think this is going to be such a negative summer. Mine are past the holiday club stage now but loved them when they were at primary school. Don't know what your options are, OP, but in our area there's quite a mix so I was able to put together a summer of theatre-based, sporty, crafty and general activities for variety. That said, there was one year DD1 went to the same club for 4 weeks because it was her favourite and they mixed up the programme a lot.

All holiday clubs offer some quiet time amongst the more vigorous activities so it's nothing like being at school or work 8-6. It's nice for the kids if you can liaise with other parents to put them in clubs with their friends but lots of children turn up not knowing anybody and the club leaders are trained to manage that.

Don't assume picking up early from a holiday club is a good thing. Check first how time is structured or you could end up taking them out of the bit they enjoy most in the day.

Have chilled weekends together throughout the summer and you'll all have a good time. Sorry that you miss out on a proper holiday with them, but I don't see that they're going to feel any particular ill effect necessarily.

Because gaganella not all DCs enjoy holiday club and even if they do may not enjoy it for such a long stint.
Therefore it's nonsense for someone to post that the DCs will definitely love it as it is dependant on the DCs.

That said OP has no other choice so shouldn't feel guilty- I just get annoyed when people assume that all DCs are the same.

I would not take the 'cruel' comment as a literal meaning, but more like a person exclaiming: "unreal" or "heartless!" to get their point across. What they're really saying is they it's a bit harsh for the kids, in their opinion, because (as many people have said here) it's not ideal. What they're not saying is you're a vindictive and malevolent degenerate who the social services should be prising the kids out of your hands for. I really don't think they mean cruel in that abuse type sense that everyone here seems to have misinterpreted it to mean. They haven't asked why you bothered having kids if you don't spend time with them, have they? I would therefore think they're are not getting at you, but trying to advocate for your 7 year old who they feel is getting a raw deal.

How does your 7 year old feel about it? You haven't mentioned that, as far as I can see. I have two children, one would love it, he other would suffer for it. So for one it would be damaging because he needs R&R in his own quiet space, and hates to be around other kids all the time. He finds them upsetting, especially the alpha male types, and lives in fear of rules and restricts himself unnecessarily out of fear of getting into trouble. They would. It be much of a holiday for the poor child! I also would have detested it, so I can see where he is coming from. My DH loved school though, and so our other child must take after him!

Could your 30 hours be temporarily altered so you work longer hours over less days, but still get all your hours in? I would try to move mountains to show my kids I really am doing all I can to give them time off on the summer holiday, especially if they are the personality types to be reluctant to go.

If you can afford it why not look for a residential activity camp for the kids so they feel like they've had a holiday even if you can't be with them. I think you can use childcare vouchers for some of them.

I agree , either make the club richer and they win both money and time with your child. Or take unpaid leave and spend quality time. Remember you still have to pay them so count yours losses

Op, I don't judge you are all.

Your dc will probably have a great time at the summer camp. I know mine do, so much so that I put them in camp on days I am not working on their request. They love spending a day socialising with friends new and old, playing sports, swimming etc.

A good camp will also provide space for downtime for tired children, eg colouring in or crafts for those who have had enough sport in the evening.

The OP cannot take leave, paid or unpaid.

I can't believe the stuff and nonsense I'm reading here.
The children don't have a choice in this circumstance and it would be ridiculous to give them one when there is no scope for change it adjustment.
They will have a lovely time.
I was sent to a playscheme every summer, Easter, winter holidays for my entire childhood.
It's not a work camp it's full of a range of activities which suit a variety of children.
I don't see how playing games and doing crafts and trips can be seen as anything other than downtime... isn't that what the parents would be doing with them at home if that's where they were?
OP you're doing the best by your children. Ignore the criticism.

@YMellors this very long thread has had that suggestion numerous times, numerous times the OP advises it's not possible.

I don't know if this has been mentioned @whatwouldbe but if you have a disabled child you can take parental leave in days rather than full weeks.

While your manager could very well argue that a week is not possible for business reasons, they will have more difficulty claiming that one or two Mondays or Fridays will. Could give you a nice chilled weekend.

But to answer your question, no, it's not cruel. All the best.

It's not ideal, but they will have evenings and weekends with you to relax and recharge in.

My DC is going to holiday club every week in the summer (though not every day of the week iyswim). Looking at their schedule, they seem to have struck a good balance between lots of days out/activities andpther days spent within the club which allows everyone to chill out a bit.

Don't worry about it, you have to do what you have to do - holiday clubs might be tiring but they will be well cared for and you can compensate at the weekends by choosing some less full on things for you all to do together.

Are they kidding?? I had half term off and DD INSISTED on going to her usual holiday club. We compromised on 2 of the 5 days and we were both happy with that. She LOVES the club. Seeing her friends, doing loads of fun things. It's hardly a punishment!

If your mum/friends can't be helpful they should keep their criticisms to themselves.

On a positive note, if your school holiday club is like mine it will be fun, they will be seeing their mates, they aren't doing school work, they are trying new activities, which they can pretty much opt into tor just free play with toys/run around and you can be sure they are in a safe environment.

Just plan some nice chill out time/ activities at the weekends and see if you can book October half term off as something to look forward too.

It’s one of those things that can’t be helped really. Mine love the fact they can sleep in, and just mess around in the garden/play out with mates/ watch movies all day if they wanted too, to them holiday club would just be School but with toys others love it. I do think children need the downtime to just do whatever (safely) and find themselves.

He may have fun, and you don’t have a choice, so you need to present it to him as a great thing find out if any of his school friends will be there, and even if they are not you can present it to him as a chance to meet some lovely new friends. It isn’t true that holiday clubs dont do down time, they do. It is also true that being round other kids is stressful, but that is for the adults, not for te children when they are having fun. I agree with the post about weekend veg outs which you can do together, sounds like you need it. Be kind to yourself and to your children, present what is your only choice in a positive way to you and to them, but also let them moan if they feel like it at the end of the day, without judging. Good luck, stick the guilt genie back in its bottle and tamp down the cork good and hard.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can. And on the reassurance - my mum (single) had a job that meant she could never or rarely take time off during the summers. I was either touring around visiting all the relatives or in holiday camps. I had a great time regardless and more importantly from a young age I understood my mum was doing everything she could for us to the best of her abilities and we would just make the most of the time we did get, with picnics and parks etc.

They get to free play all day with other children, hardly being tortured are they. If Mum and friend are so bothered i hope they volunteered some 1on1time with dc.

Not ideal?? It is as far as my DD is concerned. School and weekends are this tedious barrier she has to get through until she can scamper back to camp again!

For those suggesting op can take unpaid leave, I don't think that is a possibility as she is the sole breadwinner. If she does not work, she does not get paid, and bills cannot be paid, and food not on the table. The only option is the holiday clubs, so be it, they are great and the kids will have a lovely time.

It is a long time yes but your children will not remember you for that rather for being a lovely mum - organise special treats or experiences for the weekend, make a plan with them on what they would love to do when you are all three together and it will all be fine!! It is you OP who will be tired and exhausted after these 6 weeks so consider taking the leave you have to recharge and relax so you will always be able to be that special mum for your children!

I think that is spectacularly harsh of your employers, knowing you are a lone parent and not even allowing you one weeks annual leave. I agree with the majority that the children will be fine, tired, but fine and having had lots of experiences children at home with their parents wouldn't get; but personally, I'd be looking for a new job with a more family friendly approach to staffing and 'business needs'.

Teenage sitter come in during those days maybe? Everyone needs to do what works for their own family 💖

Mymom That’s a fantastic idea and I don’t know why no one has suggested it by page 38!!

I think it’s even better that a school club that is geared towards children with disabilities as a teenage babysitter will surely have the experience to deal with that!

Clearly I am being sarky. At least read the op’s replies.

If you have no choice then that's what it is, I know lots of kids going to clubs due to parents working, it's certainly not unusual and you'll have the weekends to chill, I'm sure it'll be fine.