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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:09

@dontdoubtyourself, seriously??

You call people cunts and I'm spoiling for a fight! 😂 😂

I suppose I MADE you lose your temper because I questioned how OP had failed to plan?

Step away from the keyboard warrior!!

dontdoubtyourself · 08/06/2018 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoupDragon · 08/06/2018 08:16

if she's not happy with it, plan better. As she said it's not gone to plan

How do you plan for your employer telling you you can’t have time off over the summer Holidays?

ilovesooty · 08/06/2018 08:19

@dontdoubtyourself you said "Failure to plan is planning to fail"

Just to remind you of how you communicated what you thought you'd said.

SoupDragon · 08/06/2018 08:20

You might want to stop with the personal attacks or any point you are trying to make will be deleted along with those attacks.

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:22

@dontdoubtyourself - you need to read back what you've said and consider how it comes across.

Tagging?? I have the facility and will use it.

You've got a huge issue with anger also.

LightAsTheBreeze · 08/06/2018 08:25

All these exhausted children who need downtime will be the same ones that when they are 16-18 can't possibly do a part time job as well as study because it will be too much for them.

petrolpump28 · 08/06/2018 08:33

Boom your so stupid!! Love this.

freshstart24 · 08/06/2018 08:35

OP do what you have do so. Children will cope just fine and you have the weekends together.

I can't see any details of the type of provision you are going for. Apologies if I've missed it. Locally to me there is a huge range of provision from outdoor adventure clubs to art clubs. Each will appeal to a different type of child. Maybe you could look at options so that your DC can go to a club that will be a good fit for them and their interests.

dontdoubtyourself · 08/06/2018 08:36

Prodding someone, calling them stupid, saying they can't read, being generally a fucking cunt don't be surprised when you get called one. However I've learnt something new today, that the phrase I use is awful. Noted.

custardcream1000 · 08/06/2018 08:39

I was in a similar position last year and remember the guilt well. However, my 5 and 9 year old had a fantastic time. They enjoyed the summer holiday club so much that they were disappointed when I told them they wont be going this year.

I also went to a summer holiday club every day of the holidays between the age of 8 - 12. It was my favourite part of summer and I would look forward to it all year round. I made a life long friend from going there too.

I'm sure your children will have a great time.

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:39

@dontdoubtyourself just explain where OP failed to plan?

You stated don't leave booking holidays until June based on what? Your assumption? You stated boom so complex inferring OP couldn't cope with a simple strategy, based on what? Your assumption?

If this makes you rage the way it has then look at yourself!

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:40

@dontdoubtyourself remember I wasn't the only one that questioned your ability to read and comprehend. Says something doesn't it?

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:42

Again @whatwouldbe your children will be fine. You've planned well and they'll enjoy it.

A mum not stressed out by where the next meal is coming from is a mum they'll enjoy having. Enjoy the summer, the light evenings and weekends and they'll enjoy holiday club.

LightAsTheBreeze · 08/06/2018 08:43

Did OP book her holidays in June? I think even if they are booked work can tell you to cancel them if it is within a certain timescale, I must have missed the June bit.

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 08:45

@LightAsTheBreeze OP did not say that, it was an assumption by @dontdoubtyourself !

She stated that as OP had failed to plan that she planned to fail! Then stated don't leave it until June to try and book holidays!

Op never indicated she had waited until June.

LightAsTheBreeze · 08/06/2018 08:56

How weird to say something like that, maybe June just popped randomly into dontdoubtyouself's head.

purplelass · 08/06/2018 09:09

For all the people judging OP...

  1. She posted on here for support and validation, not criticism for a situation she can't change. Surely that's obvious?
  1. It doesn't matter how far ahead she'd planned. If her employer has said no time off in the summer holidays then there's nothing she can do about it. Her employer is normally flexible but has to put business needs first.
  1. As a single mum her number one priority is the safely and health of her children and keeping a roof above their heads, and I'd say she's doing it bloody well!

Have a fab summer OP, knowing your kids will be well looked after and that you'll enjoy every minute you get to spend with them, unlike some parents who are tearing their hair out by the end of 6 weeks! Smile

ipswichwitch · 08/06/2018 09:14

You cannot plan for work telling you that sorry no you can’t have time off in the holidays now. Things can and do change. That’s life. Op has planned and sorted appropriate childcare, that will suit her child’s needs, and without having to run herself into the ground dashing here and there dropping kids off at different places every day - have the people who suggested that thought about how much that’ll reduce the time op gets to spend with her kids of an evening?

Op was made to doubt herself thanks to less than helpful people saying it was “cruel” but offering fuck all in a way of help or alternatives. She has to work - not for a fancy house or flashy holidays, but to keep a roof over her kids heads. Work may not be the most important thing in something peoples lives, but it’s bloody handy for getting the bills paid. Not every career is easy to drop in and out of - in my job if I’d taken 5 years out I’d never have got back into this job again. Frankly in this day and age, a stable job is something to cling on to.

Op, ignore the less than helpful comments. You are doing what you have to with very little support, the kids will have a blast at holiday club. Let them decide what they want to do on a weekend and plan for that. The kids are getting downtime by not being at school and having homework to do.

I can’t understand the horror at kids being at a holiday club with fun activities, playtime and most clubs will have some facility to let kids veg out (ours has sofas in the reading area so kids can have a lie down if they want). Surely it’s better than 6weeks staring at screens, and not very different to being out and about with family every day of the holidays.

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/06/2018 09:20

The worse thing about this is that some people can in no way manage to work out that not everyone has The same life as them with the same access to resources. Even the ones who think they are being helpful having not read the full thread. Not everyone loves in middle class suburbia or quaint villages. We don't know what the OPs circumstances are. She may be a top level exec in the City or living in a council tower block or in the arse end of nowhere etc etc. People don't always have access to things like au pairs, even if one was suitable. OP may not have a spare room, or indeed money for a flight to send an unaccompanied 9 year old child with special needs to France for 6 weeks, while she does what exactly with little Pierre who lands on her doorstep?

OPs children will be well cared for in a child centred environment by people who are trained and actually like being with children. Probably far more than most parents do if we are honest. They will have access to group activities that individual parents won't have. They won't mind doing large scale messy play that parents might not do. It's a great option. That's not what the OPS was asking about. Her concern is that she hasn't been able to get time off so It will have to cover all 6 weeks. It's not a good option for the OP as she'd like to have time off with her DC, but for the DC, they will be perfectly fine and no doubt have a blast. Let's all take time out to make her feel more guilty though because that would be more supportive....Hmm

Fairyhill · 08/06/2018 09:26

You are doing your best and that’s all you can do - it’s one lot of 6 weeks holidays it’s not forever.
Have movie nights - restful weekends - day out on a Saturday and chilled day on a Sunday - plus of one of your children has complex special needs and the club can meet those needs - then I think they are in the best place while you are at work. Being a mom with no help is hard - but it’s even harder when other people tell you what you are doing is wrong - without offering a helping hand. So tell them to mind their business - and you get on with your life - sending much love - if I knew you - I d offer to have the kids for you - xx

singledadstu · 08/06/2018 09:28

This probably goes against the grain but I think my own Dc would absolutely love the idea of six weeks of club activities. You shouldn’t be worried imo . Holidays as families together are great but they’re fantastic when the timing is right for everyone.

Mia1415 · 08/06/2018 09:36

I haven't read the whole thread but I am in a similar situation. I have managed to take one week off during the summer though and DS is going to a mixture of his childminder and holiday clubs. I feel completely rubbish about it. He has been in full time childcare since he was 6 months old, so I know he is used to it, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

I'm sorry if this has been asked already and you have answered, but could you mix up the holiday clubs so they are going to a different one for say a week or 2?

Its so hard when you are a working mum with no support and I think some of the posters on here haven't got a clue what it is like.

I wanted to take 2 weeks off in the summer but as my son has had health problems this year I've used some precious holiday days sitting in A&E or hospital waiting rooms.

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 09:39

@Mia1415 , please stop feeling this mos placed guilt! You're doing the best thing, providing for your child and being with him when he was unwell.

I admire you, I had this with two parents and the organisation and rushing around was stressful, but with one it must be awful!

Enjoy your week and weekends!

Clubcuts · 08/06/2018 09:40

Mos = mis

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