To refuse this guest's request?

[Bloodybridget]

Very old friend of mine, who can be a total PITA but I am basically fond of her, has come to stay for a few days. She just asked me if she could have a bucket in her room to use if she needs a wee in the night!

We don't have a loo on that floor, she would have to come down one floor, as I do every bloody night. I said no! She has some health issues but is completely mobile. WIBU?

A bucket. Unbelievable.

I suffer incontinence issues myself. Often cannot even get from my bed to the toilet a few meters way in time (toilet located in ensuite to my bedroom). Strangely, I don't have a bucket next to my bed 'just in case'. Normal people use these things called incontinence products.

If I was visiting away from home I would definitely be packing extras in this regard in case I ran through them faster than usual. Sure as hell would not be asking the host for a bucket. I would also be taking an extra supply of plastic bags and disposing of them in the outside bin if in a friends house and not a hotel. Why are people so weird?

When I lived in my student house I used to get UTIs regularly and ended up using the bedroom bin a few nights instead of the toilet. I couldn’t face continually walking to/from the bathroom & disturbing everyone but I also couldn’t ‘not go’! So YANBU for not wanting someone to pee in a bucket in your house but I feel for your friend too!!

Normal people use these things called incontinence products

I don't have these problems luckily and hope I never will, but can you tell me if there are products that can hold the contents of a full bladder, including when you stand up? I don't mean the odd dribble , but I mean if the whole bladder relaxed.

When I pee, it seems to be pints of the stuff. If you got up and leaked that would be worse for the carpet than using a bucket.

It's not something we talk about easily, but it is a sad fact of life for many people, particularly post menopausal women who have had children. Even when they have done the pelvic floor exercises several times daily for the last 30 odd years

Absolutely. There is another thread on here about all the childbirth injuries women aren't informed about and people don't talk about.

Incontinence is another of these subjects. I worked in this field until recently. It's shocking how many young women suffer incontinence (including faecal) after having children and some of them only in their twenties. It can end intimate relationships for some. Heartbreaking.

Some women are going around deliberately dehydrating themselves to try and control their incontinence. I drink loads of water and can't imagine restricting it, but I am sure I'd feel differently if I were in their position.

Incontinence isn't always just a little dribble. It can mean the whole bladder giving away. You have no control over this.

When you are post-menopausal, the tissue shrinkage combined with the weakened pelvic floor can cause awful incontinence issues. Pelvic floor exercises can only help so far. Don't people wonder what all these products are on sale for? There is a market for them!

A fucking BUCKET?!? Jesus wept. There's a reason that toilets were invented - and it's to do away with the less sanitary methods of disposing of bodily waste.

There's a reason that toilets were invented - and it's to do away with the less sanitary methods of disposing of bodily waste

Toilets are great if you can reach them in time!

Children's potties are basically plastic buckets too, but somehow families survive the horror of it all

Children’s potties are for children too young to reach the toilet by themselves
You can’t compare an adult not wanting to travel to the loo during the night with a toddler using a potty.

Children’s potties are for children too young to reach the toilet by themselves

Yes, I know that, and commodes (or in the case, a bucket) are for adults who may have incontinence issues meaning they will never reach the toilet in time.

You can’t compare an adult not wanting to travel to the loo during the night with a toddler using a potty

"Not wanting to" or "being unable to"? That is the question.

I brought the potty analogy up to point out that peeing in another receptacle to a flushing toilet is not so terrible.

When I had a vomiting bug earlier this year, I had to be sick in a bucket by the bed. Far more germs in that I should imagine but it was better than it all over the carpet.

Urgh! I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and I schlep up the stairs 3-4 times a night for a wee. If I can manage it, she can.

Glad all went ok. A bucket over carpet? Hell no. Then do you provide toilet roll and how does she wash her hands?

I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and I schlep up the stairs 3-4 times a night for a wee. If I can manage it, she can

Hope your delivery goes well and no childbirth injuries and incontinence issues afterwards

Wow! Give her a bucket! Why wouldn’t you?!! It’s not the end of the world and quite a big thing to ask for!

I also can't believe some of the attitudes on here - it's urine FGS not sulphuric acid.

We live in a little cottage with just two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs bathroom beyond the kitchen. Our stairs are extremely steep, and there is no way I would want to be staggering down them half asleep a couple of times every night.

We have a bucket which we both use every single night (often more than once), and then just empty it and rinse it in the morning. Once every so often, I swoosh it round with soapy water. The same bucket is also used for soaking clothes before washing.

When we have guests, I would have no problem with offering them another bucket for their room (which has a new carpet in it).

With me, it isn't so much the not having time to get to the bathroom, it's far more the safety aspect of descending very steep stairs when only half awake.

As for the comments re the sound - why should it make any more noise than using a loo? Less I would've thought as you're not flushing!

Absolutely - the op has said several times that this person is not old or disabled and has no obvious need for a bucket. They've known each other for 40 years and I would think that if she had an incontinence problem she would have been open about it.

The proof is in the pudding - she's been there 1/2 nights now and getting to the toilet at night isn't a problem.

Thanks AllMimsey for reading the thread and taking in what I've said!

AbsolutelyBeginning - yes, there are definitely incontinence products that hold an entire wee and contain poo if that’s an issue. Pretty typical in nursing homes!

I have a range going from light duty (but still much more substantial than period pads) that I use of a day; significantly bigger ones that I use overnight as I have problems making it to the loo in the middle of the night and first thing in morning on waking even though loo is only a few meters away; and the full on incontinence pants I use when away from home staying in hotels or with relatives etc which would definitely hold a large wee without any escaping.

What I don’t use is a bucket ffs.

For anyone wondering, any operation to fix ‘issues’ would also involve mesh stuff and I’m not going there with a ten foot pole.

Presumably she wouldn't have asked if it wasn't a problem for her. Think how embarrassing it must have been to have to ask this? And how much worse it is going to be if she says no.

Unless she is very odd and/or you do not value her friendship, then please say yes and make it as easy for her as possible. And yes to perhaps some kind of mat to put it on?

irregular she's been here two nights now, one more to go. Seems perfectly happy and has said what good hosts we are.

She’s probably just mortified now about her request. I’m a bit disgusted that people find this such an issue

What I don’t use is a bucket ffs.

What is the problem with a bucket, Hopping?

OK! Think I've said everything I want to on here, am quite amused by some of the presumptions about how she must be feeling and her possible issues. Thank you all for a lively thread, anyway!

"I have a range going from light duty (but still much more substantial than period pads) that I use of a day; significantly bigger ones that I use overnight as I have problems making it to the loo in the middle of the night and first thing in morning on waking even though loo is only a few meters away; and the full on incontinence pants I use when away from home staying in hotels or with relatives etc which would definitely hold a large wee without any escaping."

Are they re-usable pads, HoppingPavlova, or do they go into landfill? If not re-usable, then I think it would be better to opt for a more planet-friendly solution at night ... wouldn't have to be a bucket ... maybe a proper commode.

Give her a bucket and write on it her name and the words PISS BUCKET with a sharpie. Then she can take it with her whenever she goes away.

Can't see what the problem is. It's just a bit of sterile pee; and I am sure she plans to clean it in the morning.

No different from a child using a potty.

As to binning a plastic bucket - has the message about the effects of waste plastic not been loud enough?!

No I think that's absolutely gross and unhygienic. Not to mention the smell in the morning 🤮. If she has no bladder or mobility issues tell her no! Just keep the landing light on for her?