To refuse this guest's request?

[Bloodybridget]

Very old friend of mine, who can be a total PITA but I am basically fond of her, has come to stay for a few days. She just asked me if she could have a bucket in her room to use if she needs a wee in the night!

We don't have a loo on that floor, she would have to come down one floor, as I do every bloody night. I said no! She has some health issues but is completely mobile. WIBU?

Hello all - the night was fine, she doesn't seem to have had a problem (could see when I got up to pee at 4 that she had been down), and all very friendly today. I won't mention it again to her unless she brings it up. She is here for two more nights.

So if she’s staying in a hotel she pisses in a bucket? Does she take a bucket with her to a hotel? How delightful for housekeeping

Depends how close the en-suite is maybe.

If she did still need a bucket, I am sure she would empty before leaving the room for the day so no need for housekeeping to be involved.

Mobility issues that you know of, my mum had a prolapse and she was aging and not great at getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night so she would have asked for this but in the same sentance said she'd bring her own and get rid of it.

Sorry didnt see 7 pages!!!

How did you 'see' that she had been down when you went at 4am? Did she not flush the toilet or wee on the seat or something?

I hope that all of the posters that think this is an unreasonable request never have to experience any form of incontinence.
It's not something we talk about easily, but it is a sad fact of life for many people, particularly post menopausal women who have had children. Even when they have done the pelvic floor exercises several times daily for the last 30 odd years.
Waking several times in the night with a full bladder that you need to empty urgently is not something you can control - even when you don't drink anything, even water, after about 6pm. The panic that you won't make it, especially if you have to find a dressing gown (needed in a friends house) find your way down stairs (will the pelvic floor hold as you decend?) then find the bathroom and use the loo, passing up to a litre of urine each time. It's quite frightening actually. The sphincter might just release without warning, you might cough or sneeze and have an accident. Multiply this fear by three or four times every night ...
Your friend must have been in great need to overcome a natural embarrassment and ask for a bucket OP. You clearly don't value her, or want her to visit ever again. I know I would quickly let go of a "friend" that put me in such a position, refused a reasonable request and then added to the humiliation by publicly telling everyone on mums net about my shameful disability (albeit anonymously)

I wouldn't have a problem with giving a guest a bucket. But then I spent my early childhood in a house with just an outside toilet, and we all had a bucket for night-time wees.

And I once peed in the washing-up bowl. In my defence, I was camping and it was a very wet night. And I washed the bowl thoroughly before doing the dishes in it!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar

I don’t think I’d be staying with friends / in hotels as often as op’s guest seems to if that was genuinely the case, Riv

Agreed. Perhaps hotels would be easier due to having an en suite.

Taking a bucket to your hotel!? In case the en suite is waaaaaaay out of reach?

Get a grip.

Some of theses contributions are insane.

*these

How old is she exactly op?

I also think this is something most people would only ask if they needed to. She also went to the loo in the night. As unpleasant as it is, I would need to assume she wasn't just being horrible, she had a need.

Has anyone suggested the Kampa Khazi yet?

Maybe she could buy one and take it on all her visits.

Yes, it's basically a bucket, but smarter and more comfy (and comes in a snazzy shade of purple).

You could have one in every room of the house, just in case. Nature calls in the middle of an interesting dinner party conversation? No problem with the Kampa Khazi!
Kampa-khazi-Khazi-Portable-Toilet/dp/B001TQ5KC2

I would give her the bucket without hesitation. Why not? Presumably she'll empty it and clean it.

Being a guest in someone's home she might be anxious of waking you using the main bathroom, not being able to get to it in time, tripping on the stairs in the dark. If she prefers to use a bucket (in the privacy of her own room) I think it's really mean to deny her that. You don't have to think about her using it if it bothers you.

I am chronically ill and disabled. If I am going away, I take a vast array of things, which I may require. Able bodied people, especially those, who don’t believe I’m ill or disabled and think I’m putting it on see what I take as ridiculous. (I no longer associate with these people btw). If you wish to be unkind to your friend, that’s your affair. Imo she wouldn't have asked were it not necessary. You’re just lucky not to yet experienced what she’s going through.

"I would think nothing of using or giving someone a chamber pot. This would have been standard until a few years ago.

What's 'a few years ago'? I'm in my early 40s, have had many house guest and been a guest many times since childhood and have NEVER come across anyone using or asking for a chamber pot."

I am the same age as you and my grandparents had them at their house. Mainly used for small children, but not just for those not toilet trained yet.

Another elderly relative moved into a home a couple of years ago and had an outside toilet until then. I would imagine pots were used at night rather than going outside.

Flexoset - not really practical to carry that on the train when you go on holiday is it? Only really works for people with cars.

Has it been bucketing down near you op?

Oh I dunno. If one of my friends felt they needed a bucket I guess I would want to know why so I could try and work out a solution. If they really needed to get to the loo quickly I'd look at swapping rooms. Or if that's not possible, give them the bucket. (As long as they empty and clean it and promise not to piss on the floor.)

I'd just be giving the bucket and not asking any more.

I'm slightly staggered that she would ask this - but if she had problems in getting to the loo in time, I think she should maybe bring her own camping loo or something!
I wouldn't really even want my hosts to know about stuff like this, if I had continence issues - I would discreetly deal with it myself and hope they never noticed!

Oh god, I thought this one had run its course. To clarify for people who haven't RTFT or are imagining odd situations in my house:
Friend is not old or disabled.
We have known each other over 40 years.
All the bedrooms are the same distance from the nearest loo, which is on the ground floor.
No getting lost in the dark, we left the hall light on.
We had a perfectly happy and easy day today, friend said (joking of course) that her DGC were nearly as lovely as me. So I am pretty sure I have not caused her huge distress or embarrassment.

I'm glad a few people think IWBU anyway!

IWBU standing for I Wasn't Being Unreasonable, of course!