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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse this guest's request?

213 replies

Bloodybridget · 05/06/2018 22:10

Very old friend of mine, who can be a total PITA but I am basically fond of her, has come to stay for a few days. She just asked me if she could have a bucket in her room to use if she needs a wee in the night!

We don't have a loo on that floor, she would have to come down one floor, as I do every bloody night. I said no! She has some health issues but is completely mobile. WIBU?

OP posts:
wanderings · 06/06/2018 08:44

It probably took her a bit of courage to ask. It's only on MN that I've seen so much squeamishness about toilets.

I remember at primary school being given a chamber pot to draw (among other Victorian objects). I knew it was called a chamber pot, but I didn't know then what it was used for. Blush Being older and wiser I now know that using a chamber pot in a bedroom was once the norm; and Roald Dahl describes a whole dormitory of little boys using them simultaneously just before lights-out. I later saw a book of Goldilocks and the three bears, which showed a chamber pot under every bed Goldilocks tried.

By the way, I did a google images search to find that - don't do it if you're faint-hearted. There are some quite creepy ones!

To refuse this guest's request?
YetAnotherNewName1000 · 06/06/2018 09:35

People are so squeamish about a bit of wee. Surely if she's a guest in your house, you want her to feel comfortable? If a bucket achieves this, then give her a bucket. It's not like she's asking to wee on your foot is it?

Sunnymeg · 06/06/2018 10:05

My Grandparents had an outside toilet. They had a chamber pot in every bedroom together with some dettol which you added afterwards to prevent it smelling. I can remember using it as a very small child, definitely before I started school. If a friend wanted a bucket, that wouldn't be a problem . This is a generational thing, those that used chamber pots don't have a problem, whilst it sounds disgusting to those who have grown up in more recent times.

Lizzie48 · 06/06/2018 10:11

Actually, I suspect it also doesn't shock people who have looked after incontinent elderly people. I used to work as a care assistant in nursing homes as holiday work during my first degree. I couldn't help thinking how humiliating it must be for them.

I really don't think anyone would make such a request out of laziness, it's not as if the friend is a potty training toddler who can't be bothered to go to the toilet. Hmm

AbsolutelyBeginning · 06/06/2018 10:20

She could have a dodgy pelvic floor? Embarrassing problem? I have heard of women who, when they get up from bed, their whole bladder just gives way. The have hardly managed to stand up and it'll all be over. No chance of making it to the loo! She maybe trying to save your carpeting?

drsweeten.com/stress-incontinence/

Sleeping through the night but leaking when getting out of bed in the morning

Bluelady · 06/06/2018 10:25

How hard is it to just give a guest a bucket if they ask for one? This is being difficult just because you can.

AbsolutelyBeginning · 06/06/2018 10:29

I recently had a terrible vomiting bug and had a bucket by the bedside for my DH to empty on my behalf. I could vomit just from rolling over in bed. No way could I get up and out to the bathroom before it would be too late.

Ain't love grand? Grin

halcyondays · 06/06/2018 10:40

Surely nobody would ask for a bucket unless they had an issue such as incontinence.

halcyondays · 06/06/2018 10:41

So I would assume that if someone has asked for one, which may be embarrassing, they probably need it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 06/06/2018 10:47

Is anyone else doing their pelvic floor exercises like demons whilst reading this thread?

Just me then?

Bunchofdaffodils · 06/06/2018 10:52

Pelvic floor excercises, check! Well, Op, how was your night?

kaitlinktm · 06/06/2018 11:02

a quick swill (or a dishwasher, if it's a drinking receptacle) is fine

Quick swill maybe - but in the dishwasher?! With a pissy bucket receptacle ?! Envy not envy

DarlingNikita · 06/06/2018 11:05

WTF? No!

I would think nothing of using or giving someone a chamber pot. This would have been standard until a few years ago.

What's 'a few years ago'? I'm in my early 40s, have had many house guest and been a guest many times since childhood and have NEVER come across anyone using or asking for a chamber pot.

This is nuts.

Jollyandbright · 06/06/2018 11:08

If my guest asked this I would suggest they slept on the sofa if they are not able to find their way downstairs and need to be closer to the toilet in the night.

Wonderwine · 06/06/2018 11:20

Lots of older women need to get up to pee (often several times) in the night - for all sorts of reasons e.g. incontinence, menopausal/hormone related, weak pelvic floor/ medication side effects etc. Navigating up and down stairs to go to a loo every time would wake her up fully and she might then take a while to go back to sleep.
I agree it's a bit odd, but I'd give her a bucket. You could always put one of those camping toilet liners in it to neutralise the smell?

WoodforTrees · 06/06/2018 11:20

WHAT WILL SHE DO IF SHE NEEDS A POO?

No, to the bucket. It's not about being hospitable - it's madness.

maxthemartian · 06/06/2018 11:21

Where I grew up, the houses were huge old bungalows with what felt like miles of passages, and one solitary bog miles away from the bedrooms.
We had tin chamber pots. They got emptied and washed in the morning so no smell.
Some people in the UK can be ridiculously precious about bodily functions.

TheNoodlesIncident · 06/06/2018 13:08

If she uses the bucket, how is she going to make sure she doesn't pee on your floor , men can aim their pee stream, but women can't, it comes out in whatever direction it comes out...what if it misses the bucket and lands on your carpet?

ElderflowerWater, tell me, I'm curious: are the toilet pans in your house 6 feet across or something? Because in my house, they're the normal size - which is about the same as... well, a bucket...?

AbsolutelyBeginning · 06/06/2018 13:11

www.nhs.uk/conditions/urinary-incontinence/treatment/

Incontinence products include:

absorbent products, such as incontinence pants or pads
handheld urinals (or a bucket?!)
a catheter, a thin tube that is inserted into your bladder to drain urine
devices that are placed into the vagina or urethra to prevent urine leakage – for example, while you exercise

Sunnymeg · 06/06/2018 13:22

DarlingNikita my grandfather died in 1985 and still has his outside toilet. A lot of older people never bothered to have a toilet put indoors as they were used to going outside. It was the generation that bought their houses, that had modern facilities installed. You may not have come across it personally, but there were still many properties with outside toilets around in the 1980's. DH and I decided bought our first house in 1987 and we looked at quite a few with outside toilets.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/06/2018 13:27

I would disinvite her very bloody quickly. A bucket to piss in, indeed...
Not in my house.

Knittedfairies · 06/06/2018 13:37

OP, what your reaction have been if she’d brought her own bucket?

hellsbellsmelons · 06/06/2018 13:45

claraschu
Well I'm about to hit 50 and I've never heard such a thing!

Not in my house either OP.
Unless there was a very good reason.

And she said She always does it on holiday
Every place I've stayed has had an en-suite.
So that's an off thing to say!

Luisa27 · 06/06/2018 13:50

Buy a chamber pot or a cheap bucket if you must....I don’t understand the problem