To not help SIL out with childcare?

[YullBeHappy]

So basically, after letting her DCs make the most ridiculous amount of mess known to man, BIL and DH followed our nephew 1 into the garden to play.

After asking her what my plans on returning to work after my maternity leave were, (I don't think I'll be going back but said I'm looking for something a bit closer to home, nearer the time I'm due back), she went on to tell me about the costs of having her two DCs in nursery.

She said "So we were wondering if you'd have DS1 for us two days a week?".... "Obviously I'd pay you, but I just don't see how we can afford things otherwise".

Me "I don't think so, my DC has modelling to do and I never know when I have to go to London. It's all very last minute and I don't think I could commit to that".

DH's SIL "Right, but does it have to be on those two days? Can't you arrange it for different days?"

Me "No, sadly it doesn't work like that"

DH's SIL "Oh right"....

Me "I'll have a good think and get back to you. But I'm really not sure if it's doable for me"

So I quickly changed the subject and asked if she'd like some clothes I bought for DC when he's bigger but don't much like anymore.

Then DH came through with BIL and they left after about 5 minutes after that.

AIBU to not help SIL out with childcare?

DH's sister (not his SIL), works part time and has SIL's DSs two and a half days a week, along with looking after her DDs. They don't pay her much.

Not really relevant but just to give contexts.

I wouldn't mind but they don't talk to me otherwise really, unless I'm at SIL's (DH's sister). No contact apart from that. DH speaks to his brother about odd bits but they aren't 'chatty'

That's not true. If you look after other people's children in your own home and are being paid you have to be registered with Ofsted otherwise it's illegal. You can however look after other people's children in their home without being registered ( like a nanny)

If your SIL cannot afford child care then she should have waited before having another baby. You need to concentrate on your own baby. Having someone else's children for 2 days a week is such a commitment. I would text her and say you are sorry but it does not work for you. I might agree to have child if they were unwell and could not go to nursery but strictly as a one off.

Id be happy to offer one day a week if I didn’t work or have commitments

In reality how many people are there who dont work and have no commitments? The OP has a DC thats a huge commitment plus regular hospital appointments. Very few people dont work and just sit around all day twiddling their thumbs.

I don't think
It's unreasonable to ask - maybe she thought you might like the job and extra cash? Child modelling doesn't pay much and is hassle and means schlepping to London - maybe she thought you'd maybe like the extra income? Of course you don't have to be obliged to do it but I. Any see the farm in her asking.

If the op had ever wanted to become a childminder then she would have done it.

OP, not only is it that YANBU, I also feel you handled the awkward position your SIL put you in beautifully.

Agree with Mummy, I think you handled it really well in the end. If only I could stop getting myself stitched up a kipper and roped into doing things.

I did say no to something the other day and now I think the person is upset with me. Oh dear.

Op you absolutely did the right thing in saying No no no no.
Get used to saying No to her as I suspect that she will try it on again and this is not the first of the favours she will be asking you. Expect hard to turn down emergency calls for school pick ups, awkward holiday days. DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO THIS from a woman who, despite being a family connection has never wanted to know you well enough to ask for your phone number or give you hers until now.

YOur CF Sil has spotted that you have some "free" time on your hands and that you are a nice person who likes to be friendly and help people. She has also spotted that you would not like to be disapproved of by the family and is using this to manipulate you. Please make sure you have a supply of firm but polite no's where this woman is concerned. Make sure she gets used to the fact that you are not available and she will stop asking.

She gets to go out to work and earn a wage, you sacrificed that to spend more time with your children, why should you make that sacrifice to supplement her lifestyle?
If you did want to supplement your income with childminding - you could get paid a proper wage for it by someone else who you have vetted to make sure is not a CF like the SIL and would not be constantly calling family favours for extras all the time.
I got sucked into a similar situation several times over the years, and the people who did this to me were not even grateful. My favours to them were never returned. After helping them considerably and as their CF demands rose (which make no mistake about it,they will!), when I said for good reasons and with considerate notice that I could not continue - each one dropped me like a stone. The hostility that they would have to find someone else to pay for services they expected from me for free, was just mind boggling and they don't even speak to me now.
You don't need their approval. It doesn't make you mean or not a nice person, it makes you a person who puts their own family and their own needs first Good luck and enjoy this lovely time with your children x

I've found that when some people get given an inch, they take a mile, it starts with 2 days and ends up with more or other favours, and before you know it you are giving up your free time to someone who is just making everyone else fit around them and what they want. I've been stung on that a few times with my SIL. Just say that you really don't want to take on the responsibility of other people's children, especially when at some point you will have to let them down when you find a job. I hope it goes well xx

Of course you should not commit to being a child care. Talk to any of us grandmothers who do it, and we dont have our own little ones. It can and is a big commitment. It can be a joy but is also a huge pr issue trying to juggle parenting styles and follow the mothers way when you might not agree with it. I have done it for 6 years and now prefer to be the emergency child care, not the regular commitment.

They need to get a nanny. More than 2 children and it just makes sense - not likely to cost much more than they currently pay. I can't believe they didn't think this aspect through before having more children! And, no, YANBU - it's absolutely not your responsibility.

I always get these requests because I work around the school run. I have been sucked in a couple of times but I have realised childminders charge for a reason