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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed at being told to formula feed!

240 replies

HeavyMetalMama · 05/06/2018 01:01

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased Hmm).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
HeavyMetalMama · 05/06/2018 01:03

*perfect

*facing

OP posts:
GummyGoddess · 05/06/2018 01:05

At dc's 1 year check the hv told me to stop breastfeeding as he was too old and should be drinking from a cup Hmm he was 10 months old at the check!

RhapsodyQueen · 05/06/2018 01:06

You are doing great! If you can't just ignore them, tell them you are bored of their comments now and that you'd appreciate them not mentioning it again.

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 05/06/2018 01:06

Try the MN tinkly laugh, and say " oh you! Don't be daft, my milk is the only thing he needs" and follow with " and the Midwife ( or Doctor if they think a doc has more authority) said it will make him more intelligent"
Every time they say something, giggle and say "you are so funny" and then go your own way.
Or look aghast and say " but the Midwife Said..." and repeat and nauseum.
If you want to bf and it is working for you, carry on!
He is YOUR baby, not theirs!

SleepingStandingUp · 05/06/2018 01:07

I don't think the doc was having a go. Can you bout seat yourself at the cafe or loudly ask not to be seated near they're bin?

As for family, just ignore.
Mum and Sis1 - "considering you breast feed your own, I'd expect you to be more supportive", the rest, just practise a dead eye. Family sorting in the car, their choice to be weird.

WardrobeUser · 05/06/2018 01:09

Try to ignore the horrid stuff people say. Mum knows best and you're the mum. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job. And if there is a breast feeding support group in your area, go! I would never have coped without mine.

Red2017 · 05/06/2018 01:09

YANBU
Do what you feel is best and enjoy this time with your son .. don't let them ruin it Smile

FissionChips · 05/06/2018 01:11

Tell your family to fuck off.

Why didn’t you move yourself away from the bin? Confused

You’re a grown woman, take charge of yourself.

AntiHop · 05/06/2018 01:40

Ignore them. I love the fact that bf has given my dd a healthy microbiome which will help her health long term. That's more important than ignorant relatives.

applesandpears56 · 05/06/2018 01:47

Yey! Keep going - you’re doing a great job.

Ignore all the jealously and ignorance

zoobaby · 05/06/2018 01:52

BF really is an enigma to some people. I remember HV at yearly weigh in was very surprised we were still exclusively BFing. She put it down to my nationality and being made of more stern stuff Confused.

Adviceplease360 · 05/06/2018 02:00

Yadnbu.
We have a long way to go before breastfeeding is normalised in this society unfortunately.
I do not know a single other person who nursed till two. Not one.

chinesechicken · 05/06/2018 02:20

Yabu to say "boobing"

userabcname · 05/06/2018 06:11

You are doing a fantastic job! Ignore ignore ignore. I had exactly the same comments- also that I was "spoiling" DS (as I fed on demand- apparently I should have made him wait?!); that DS was "winding me up" by feeding so often (as a newborn!!!) and that I'm turning him into a "mummy's boy" (with an accompanying judgey look). DS is nearly 1 so now I'm getting the whole "oh so you're STILL breastfeeding" malarky. It never ends. But - just keep going, you are doing so well and it's sadly a lack of understanding and acceptance of breastfeeding that makes people say such things.

Rockandrollwithit · 05/06/2018 06:22

What is it with people wanting to feed other people's babies?

My DS is FF for lots of reasons (long NICU stay/surgery / complications) and has an unsafe swallow. Therefore the only people that feed him are DH or me because feeding him is risky and there is a specific way to do it to minimise the risks. MIL has been sulking about not being able to feed him since he first came home. He's 9 months now 🙈

ParellelReality · 05/06/2018 06:32

Boobing? Dear God no.

gamerchick · 05/06/2018 06:39

Stick to your guns mama Grin

I've heard it all as well especially as I nursed until he was 3 1/2. Tell people that you would never have thought that there would be so much interest in your tits with a perplexed expression and if it carries on that you're going to do it for an extra month with every comment.

Keep it up, it sounds like you're doing fantastic Grin

TheLionRoars1110 · 05/06/2018 06:42

I needed antibiotics when LO was about a year old. The GP lied to me and told me I couldn't feed him on antibiotics and needed to stop.
I'd been on antibiotics when he was a newborn so told her where to go, but it shocked me.

FlorisApple · 05/06/2018 06:49

Stand your ground, you're doing great! There is actually so much pressure to formula feed in the UK; basically mothers can't win whatever they do. I bfed both of mine until they were three, but kept it very much to myself with the second. Don't care though, it was what was best for all of us.

CommonFishDiseases · 05/06/2018 06:53

Ignore ignore ignore!!! This pisses me off so much!!! You are doing amazingly. Get some lovely BF friends or a local LLL group to support you.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 05/06/2018 06:58

YABVU to say 'boobing' but not to keep breastfeeding your son. Just say to your family 'this is a decision I have made with the support of the doctor and HV and I would appreciate it if you'd stop making comments about it'. Keep repeating til they get the picture!

Grandmaswagsbag · 05/06/2018 06:59

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

Jesus, I’m really surprised. You must be in an area with very very low rates. I’m sure she actually meant it as a compliment retainer than Criticism though. I’ve never understood the need for family members to comment on breastfeeding. I really think it’s a shame as a lot of women do get presssured into the idea that they need to introduce formula when they don’t want to. If you hadn’t been able to b/feed would they tell you how wonderful breastfeeding is and how really you should have tried that bit harder and baby was missing out? If the answer is yes then they are just rude people, if the answer is no then they should shut the fuck up.

DinoSn0re · 05/06/2018 07:08

I had similar comments from IL, and other situations where people apparently just couldn’t stop themselves from having an opinion, even though I hadn't asked for it. When my DD was 18 months old she fell and hurt herself at playgroup, and after the usual attempts to soothe/distract failed to comfort her, I just sat in the corner and gave her a quick BF, which i knew would work straight away. Well the attention this garnered was ridiculous, the other mums behaved like they had never seen a BF toddler before Hmm I found it really bizarre. My LO has never had formula and still BF at 2, I intend to tandem feed with her and my newborn. I’m sure this will attract comments too, but it’s best to learn to just ignore IME. I couldn’t care less how other people feed their babies so now I don’t pay attention to other people when they try to have an opinion on how I feed mine. Just do what’s right for you and your LO.

lynmilne65 · 05/06/2018 07:12

Boobing is 🤮😩

StylishMummy · 05/06/2018 07:17

If someone tries to get me to be subtle with feeding, by putting baby in a corner so to speak, I deliberately wave a tit about. No fucks given.

I really want people to stop obsessing over 'HOW MUCH ARE THEY GETTING?'

Cows udder don't have measures
Breasts don't have measures

  • why do we need to know in Oz/ML?

Sorry, rant over.

Tell your family they need to respect your beliefs, why the fuck does your mum NEED to give him a bottle?!