Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

Where on earth are you OP, where so few people breastfeed? No point getting annoyed by people saying dumb stuff, just keep doing your own thing if it's working for you

@shackup oh you meant Dancing didn’t you 🤦‍♀️ oops lol

How do people think babies were fed back when having massive famillies was common?

If someone tries to get me to be subtle with feeding, by putting baby in a corner so to speak, I deliberately wave a tit about. No fucks given

😂 amazing!!

I'm expecting dc2 soon and nervous about this as my sister and her DH have fairly strong views about it. With dc1 I was made to leave the room during feeding, even in my own home but I think I'm going to take the same approach as @StylishMummy this time!!

YADNBU. Lost count of the number of people who have told me to supplement my DS with formula. He was mixed fed at birth due to low birth weight and enormous pressure by drs and midwives in hospital, but he's been EBF from about 2 weeks. He's massive!!! He doesn't need anything apart from the enormous amounts of BF he gets from me (he eats every 1-2 hours and is nearly 4 months old). Having to ignore all the "expert" comments about breastfeeding and adding a bottle of formula is about three times more frustrating than the breastfeeding itself!

@littlemissb83 sounds like you’re doing an amazing job! And I agree completely!

@tickyticks in your own home?! I’d have told them he stairs are surprisingly comfortable, they can sit there while I feed. Alternatively, you can busy yourself with making me a cup of tea and a snack til he’s done.

Absolutely, a squirt of milk in the eye never hurt anyone. They would be thankful, the stuff is gold!

I share your frustration about how people view formula feeding will stop/ prevent all problems you might encounter with a baby. Its the solution to all problems. The problems you have and the ones you didn't know you have. Life would be so much more easier if we could only support each other instead of tearing each other up for making a different choice.

I think it's because many women in my mum and MIL's generation (both in their 60s) believed that babies should be fed on a 4 hour schedule from birth. Of course, most bf babies don't feed like that in the early weeks and months, if ever. So they think if the baby is feeding more often it's because the milk isn't satisfying baby. Also, there are women like my great aunt who did bf for a few months, but baby wasn't gaining weight and was unsettled, and immediately became plump and content on being given formula. Again, likely due to trying to space out feeds too much. I think this leads to a reputation among some members of that generation that breast milk is unsatisfying for babies and they don't gain weight so well. It's not surprising that they distrust breastfeeding.

My parents tried to put me of bf before I'd even had him! Literally everyone I told I was intending to bf told me I'll need formula at night so he'll sleep better. I couldn't bf at the start as he was prem and exclusively expressed and he only had formula top ups if and when couldn't provide enough milk. I'm now managing to bf and my supply adjusting so I do top up a small amout when he's not satisfied which has been 2 times in 4 days. He suffers with trapped wind so people keep telling me He's hungry and to give formula. He's not, he just struggles with wind. Hes very forward at asking for food. HV is more than happy with him and he's piling weight on. People forget we know our own babies and it infuriates me!

I think some of it is jealousy also, such as my MIL saying everytime he cries and she's holding him 'oh he wants his mother Again'

Still boobing at 2 here !!! Had loads of negative comments from my parents and MIL. No one else cares. I think sometimes it a jealousy, like you are trying to do your best makes them question if they did the right thing.

Apparently I starved my DS by bf him exclusively according to my Dad. But hey my DS is absolutely fine and was then. I think there is so much bad info out there that helpful relatives grab onto something incorrect. Plus I had some weird advice from my midwife too which I told to my parents and wish I hadn't .

Getting the DS to stop boobing is the issue now

Isn't it crazy how brain washed we've been by formula companies?!

Definitely agree with Wolf that a lot of it from family is jealousy.

Might be something to do with how you articulate yourself.

I think it's a bit funny actually.
Baby is chubby, stop breastfeeding and give him a bottle.
Baby is tiny, stop breastfeeding and give a bottle.
Breastfeeding all the time, same advice.
Not feeding often, same again. They need to make their minds up about bottles, does it fillthem up/make them fat/make them slim/ or what.
My first boobed baby is nearly 30 he was huge I was tiny, the doctor just laughed, he was ebf till 18/19 months
It was called boob jiuce back then too.
Second huge son was ebf till 2. I'm really glad I was abroad, it was normal, and I didn't get any pressure to bottle feed at all.

I was made to leave the room during feeding, even in my own home

Just no! Who made you leave the room??

Yes to all of this.

Just reading a local FB page where a pregnant woman who’s planning to breastfeed is being advised by all and sundry to take formula to hospital and have it in the house because (clearly) breastfeeding is so fantastically hard and unreliable the overwhelming likelihood is it’ll all go horribly wrong and her baby may starve (despite living in London surrounded by 24 hour supermarkets. Lots and lots of undermining comments.

Some people just can’t bear it that some women don’t give formula. They NEED everyone to bottlefeed in some capacity. Fuck knows why.

@HeavyMetalMama and @ethelfleda

Yep, stupidly I did. I had only just given birth as well! God knows why I left the room! DH was so disgusted by their behaviour when he found out (he was out at the time) he didn't want them to come round again! I can't wait to wind them up this time with dc2

Just say 'he's a person not a cow, he's better off having human milk than powdered cows milk' and repeat each time its brought up.

minifingerz, my child did nearly starve to death in a hospital in the centre of a major British city. The wording of the response to my official complaint was that it was only because of ‘luck’ my eldest child did not die or was left with a major disability.

It wasn’t luck. It was because an experienced mother in the next bed told me that after days on a double pump without the the merest sign of moisture exiting my nipples, the staff assurances that my child was getting ‘lots of lovely invisible colostrum were wrong. And she gave me formula which probably saved his life. And which the staff tried to prevent me giving him.

I would advise any woman to take formula with her to hospital as she does not know how the birth will go and if she will be capable of obtaining formula and she may well find herself in the same position as me where I was bullied and lied to and prevented from giving my child nutrition he desperately needed while my child was not receiving the care he should have done either with weighs and infection checks missed or fudged.

Dancingtothebeat but yet again you are giving misinformed advice?

Sorry you had a bad experience but many, many new mums will not be able to pump any colostrum in the first few days. Pumping is not indicative of supply. I’ve breastfed two DC successfully and I don’t respond well to a pump. My eldest I bf for over a year yet I couldn’t express any colostrum in hospital. You should have been supported better clearly but the chances of you having no milk at all are very low.

There is no need to take formula to a good maternity hospital that provide support to breastfeeding mothers. If formula is required for medical reasons, for example if Mum is unwell, the staff will provide it.

You are projecting your bad experience onto others —and derailing the thread—

The thing about formula is a funny one. We were strong armed into giving formula because my DS had jaundice and low sugars due to being born with a fetal growth restriction. Unfortunately if he'd waited until my milk came in to feed then he would have ended up in ICU, and I trusted that the paediatrician wouldn't have told me he needed formula if he didn't (she wouldn't discharge him until his sugars improved). However he was a small sick baby- I would think that most babies with a normal birth weight would be fine?

No one has told you to feed formula. If he is feeding ALL the time you might want to consider other options as he can't be satisfied

Yanbu I totally get this 100% op. Everyone goes on about the pressure to breastfeed, I've had three kids and only ever experienced the opposite! With my first two I listened to the naysayers and formula fed/combination fed for all these reasons people said
'he'll sleep better' no he bloody didn't
'shes not getting enough' well actually she was growing just fine, no one told me cluster feeding was normal
'he's clingy' well no shit he's a baby! A vulnerable infant that needs me!

With my third and last child we have successfully solely breastfed to 9 months so far and I've just ignored all the bollocks.

I think a lot of it is projecting, all of the people trying to put me off had issues or chose not to breastfeed. It's the same as weaning - all my older relatives saying it was ridiculous to wait to six months and I should do it at 3 or 4 because that's what they did. I don't care what other people want to do, we're fine as we are so lay off FFS.

Or he could just be a baby......
Some babies feed more than others. Breastfed babies feed in smaller amounts, and more often. They also feed just for comfort, it's more than just food. Nothing to do with being satisfied.
If baby is putting on weight and has plenty of dirty nappies then them feeding a lot isn't a problem.

If he is feeding ALL the time you might want to consider other options as he can't be satisfied

This is very outdated advice. They cluster feed - especially during a growth spurt. And as someone else as I, it's more than just food! It's how they connect with you and make sense of the world. It reassures them... it helps with pain etc etc etc babies need closeness! Not a 4 hourly schedule.