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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed at being told to formula feed!

240 replies

HeavyMetalMama · 05/06/2018 01:01

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased Hmm).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
HeavyMetalMama · 06/06/2018 23:18

In the hospital with my first, who was having lovely long feeds on day one, a midwife told me I was stupid and selfish for not giving him formula as he was jandiced. I was young and they intimidated me but I stood my ground and I’m glad I did. At least until misinformation forced me to stop. Still feel guilty a decade later, with the healthiest happiest and most loving 10yo on the planet! Nobody should be forced either way, we’re all mums doing our best at the end of the day.

OP posts:
citybushisland · 06/06/2018 23:20

Tell the family members you and baby are doing just fine and to fottfs. I find it interesting though the change in attitude towards b/fing in recent years, when I had DD1 and 2 (20 and 17 years ago) I b/f wherever and whenever, never, ever had so much as a negative look or comment, hospital, midwives and HV hugely supportive. 10 years ago when I had DD3 the nurses in the hospital were telling everyone to use the ready made formula bottles which they brought round at 3 and a half hour intervals. I was tutted at by the nurses but pointed out she was my third and they left me alone until (possibly, slightly encourage by someone) several women on the ward started trying to b/f, oh dear, nurses can be vindictive when their way of doing things is upset...

Cineraria · 06/06/2018 23:27

Hmm, I must look irredeemably hippyish or stubborn or something then. Nobody has ever suggested I should give either DS formula, even though DS1 was really quite difficult to feed and I fed him regularly in public until I had DS2 when he reduced to two feeds a day.

Hope you find a nice witty comeback that makes you look forward to the comments OP and that you and your baby continue to have many happy hours of feeding together.

Pollygetthevodkaout · 06/06/2018 23:27

Your doing a great job. And i guess deeo down you know it. Basic mother stuff. Keep calm....trust yourself .

Cintacmrs · 06/06/2018 23:53

Was told I was selfish for breastfeeding - as no one could hold her

Original poster
HeavyMetalMama · 07/06/2018 00:04

I must admit, the comments are far fewer now but as he’s gotten to a rather plump 11 weeks (he has cellulite and it’s delicious) it’s even more frustrating as it’s clearly working! Also he loves breastfeeding! He comes off the boob completely milk drunk, sighs, and snuggles his head onto the boob for a nice sleep. Try and take it away, he will fight you! Smile

My surroundings are strange. Breastfeeding at all isn’t the norm, if you do it’s mixed feeding and not past 6 months. I would ideally love to get at least one feed still in per day at 2yo so can’t wait to hear the comments then!

As for the “rusk in the bottle” comments, does it work if I eat them and then feed him? They’re tasty.

OP posts:
wonderstuff · 07/06/2018 00:06

I dug my heels in and any negativity just encouraged me to carry on giving mine boob. My first was born with a very healthy appetite and I fed her until 20 months, number 2 was less bothered and we got to 18m. I’m still irritated by the HV who told me WHO guidelines were for African babies really (complete bollocks that was). It was a decade ago now I really need to build s bridge.

Your body is amazing, it’s providing free, high quality food for your infant, conveniently packaged so you always have it close to hand, don’t have to carry around bottles and best of all cuts down washing up considerably.

It was booboo in our house when they were old enough to ask. I frankly couldn’t give a tiny shit if anyone feels the need to judge on that.

Original poster
HeavyMetalMama · 07/06/2018 00:06

It hasn’t been said outright but the intention is there. Fancy wanting to hold your own baby! And also maybe consider that the baby lived in your body for quite a while and would like to still be near it quite a bit? Silly me Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
HeavyMetalMama · 07/06/2018 00:09

Booboo is adorable! I’m far too lazy to FF anyway tbh Grin

African babies have different stomachs or African mums have different boobs? You’re right, that’s ridiculous. Glad you carried on!

OP posts:
cheval · 07/06/2018 00:11

I married into another culture. Big family. Eight siblings, all married and with kids. I was the only one to breastfeed both my kids! My mum in law loved me for it as she did the same.
Was one of the happiest times bonding with them at night and during the day. Used to video progs and happily feed them while watching daft things.
So carry on doing what you are doing so well. Enjoy it and ignore anyone that tells you otherwise. You are doing a good job!

angel3008 · 07/06/2018 00:16

I went to a weighing clinic with my 2 month DD. When I told midwife baby was exclusively breastfed, she looked at me with such love and wonder in her eyes, I am sure she saw a halo over my head Halo

HappyWidcombe · 07/06/2018 07:13

When my DD was 6 months old, the pressure on me to start using bottles was immense. HV, MW, everyone said I had to. I didn’t hugely enjoy bf-ing but hated the idea of having to faff with bottles etc.

In desperation (that can only come with the hysteria of 6 months of little sleep) I called the mother of a Norwegian friend of mine. She (the mum) was a breastfeeding expert and advisor to the World Health Organisation. She told me that the WHO decision to recommend formula at 6 months had come at a time when the head of the WHO was politically very weak, and the lobbyists for the formula companies were much stronger. She said there was no scientific evidence to support the WHO decision and that bf-ing was all that was ever needed. She also said that until Norway became an oil rich country, it was very poor, and primary schools allowed the kids to go home in the middle of the day to have a bf as it was a really important source of nutrition for them.
I only needed to relay this info once to each of the so called professionals and interfering well meaning relatives that wanted me to switch. Perhaps it was the image of 7 yr olds going home for bf? I happily fed for a year before switching, and never used formula. It’s what suited us.

lisahpost · 07/06/2018 07:57

BIL sits in the car because you breastfeed ???
What a tosser !
As for the rest I’d tell them you won’t chnage what’s best for your baby to appease their sensibilities !
Basically tell them to jog on !
Selfish shts !

lisahpost · 07/06/2018 08:02

Also , why do people assume they have rights to hold your infant ? Perhaps the child is settled and happy with the Mum . My younger two did not get handed over for cuddles in their first days and weeks . I really didn’t give the slightest crap if that offended people because it was what was best for my babies that bothered me .

Cousinit · 07/06/2018 08:12

Sorry I haven't had time to read the full thread but I think these sorts of comments are sadly inevitable in a society where breastfeeding isn't the norm. I don't think people are deliberately trying to derail your breastfeeding journey; they just don't understand how it works. All that none stop feeding is essential in the early days to build your supply and it sounds like you're doing fantastically. It's incredibly annoying though, I know. My family were similar with me. All you can do is try and educate them. Otherwise just tell them to bugger off and leave you to it!

Eatmycheese · 07/06/2018 08:20

My daughter is almost 2.5
She’s had three feeds from me the last 24 hours

Somebody call the police

chinesechicken · 07/06/2018 08:21

No, he doesn't have cellulite.

pollymere · 07/06/2018 08:34

My dd never had a bottle and was partially breastfed until 18 months. The HV tried to get me to give her formula which made dd vomit. HV insisted dd be admitted to hospital. Wonderful hospital pointed out that my dd had been doing well on milk and I should scrap the formula. They also tested my milk supply and I was producing the right amount. We have enough obesity without giving babies a chubby start too.

ethelfleda · 07/06/2018 08:42

angel same happened to me when I got ds weighed at 5 and a half months. The HV was really shocked we were still going (pleasantly so!)

Flaminglingos · 07/06/2018 09:10

I breastfed my ds until he was 2.5 yrs old.. just ignore the house idiots who say you should ff. You feed how you want to feed your child, whether it's ff or bf, that's your choice as a parent.

Banana2621 · 07/06/2018 09:15

In my opinion, unless your baby is losing weight then you carry on. stuff anyone else's opinion

mexicanmum17 · 07/06/2018 15:28

Just ignore i exclusively bf until dd was almost 2 and a half. She was in hospital fo 10 days with suspected meningitis and septicimia. Now she's almost 3 and she is very strong and never gets sick! Your baby your choice

SidSparrow · 07/06/2018 17:31

The longer you breastfeed the easier it gets and the more empowered you feel, and your judgemental family will run out of steam. I'd stick with the breast is best mantra and close your mind to their crap.

Newsofas · 07/06/2018 17:54

Literary devilUsually it's due to their own guilt they didn't breastfeed and jealousy you have such a great bond and are doing what they couldn't/wouldn't. “

Nasty comment. Some women can’t breastfeed especially if baby has been in special care. They are not jealous. You are wicked.

Confusedbeetle · 07/06/2018 18:05

Most people who do this have not successfully breastfed their own babies even though they know it is best. They are jealous that's all there is to it

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