Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

Actually new sofas I think she was spot on with that comment
Most people CAN breastfeed with a bit or a very lot of work.
My baby was on life support for a week and we still breastfeed so the baby being hospital doesn’t mean no bf - you have to pump, a lot, in fact all the time, it’s exhausting. The question of whether this is worth it to the overall health and mental of the child and mum is a different point and a very valid reason people then don’t feed.

Applesandpears my baby was in special care for two weeks and I was unable to breastfeed as he was tube fed for weeks. although I did express to keep the milk going but considering I had pre eclampsia and an emergency C section 6 weeks early I think you comment is pretty rude. I cried trying to keep the milk going and couldn’t. So I do think the other poster was wicked not everyone can breastfeed how ever hard they try. I really think women should support each other and not get into a battle between us as to who is the best. Ultimately all mums are brilliant.

New sofas - you say women should support each other but then called someone ‘wicked’ for expressing their opinion.
Fact is you could have expressed and fed your baby breast milk - as I said the fact you didn’t is understandable given the circumstances. But I am also entitled to say my baby was critically ill on life support for a week, in hospital for her first month, tube fed for 2 weeks, and admitted back to hospital 7 times in her first year, and I exclusively breastfed. And it was a bloody battle too- expressing constantly, fighting off the medical staff that almost all wanted me to bottle feed, the lack of privacy on the wards, having to be there all the time in the hospital as no one else could feed her. Oh and I had hypermesis all through the pregnancy too. It’s was a massive effort and I’m entitled to be proud of that. Just as in the same way you should be proud you made the right choices for you and your baby which you will have done at the time.

And newssofas was it your first child? Because mine wasn’t and I think that made a massive difference -like the op I was confident enough to say no bottle feeding second time round even with the pressures of a sick baby. And I knew what and how to express. Overwhelmingly if it had been my first I would have been feeding formula within days.

But please don’t jump at pp and say lots of people can’t breastfeed because it’s just not true - you didn’t have the support, circumstances or knowledge to - for example knowing to pump every hour, knowing to pump at night and not go and get a good nights sleep like they tell to you because expressing at night the most important time for supply , knowing to use only the hospital grade double sided pump, knowing to have your baby in front of you whilst you express, knowing to drink lots of water, - that’s not the same as can’t.

Newsofas I'm sorry to hear you had a rough time.
Some women can't breastfeed now matter how hard they try. For some, they can but it would be overwhelmingly difficult and they decide to not to. I would hazard a guess that these women wouldn't have a go at another breast feeding mum because you will understand that they're making the best choice.
However, if you look at our breastfeeding rates I would guess that most women don't bf because they don't want to. That's fine too - but it will be a minority of these women who may choose to attack other women for bf because they don't understand it.

The rates are so low that women who do choose to bf need the support and we need to be able to talk about it without offending anyone and we need to refer to it however we want without other women attacking us for saying 'boobing' or whatever. It needs to become more normal so more women might choose to do it!

Wow ... Reading some of the comments on here hurts my heart. Even the specialist breast feeding nurse that came to me confirmed that I had not produced enough milk. We tried so many different things to help but my lb lost over 2.5lb in his first 6 weeks because I couldn't feed him. And it broke my heart. I tried so hard but had to go to formula. I didn't produce any with my lg 21 months later either.

Feed your babies how you want. Just know that as long as they are fed, loved and safe that is what matters.
Big love to all mummas out there

Applesandpears56 yes he was my first and like all new mums we have this idealist plan in our head as to how we are going to deliver and feed our babies. Sometimes this doesn’t happen and therefore we have to make the best of it. With my second I did breastfeed for as long as we both wanted to.

I do think though that as mum’s we try our best and ultimately a happy mummy means a happy baby. I just think perhaps we all should be careful our we say things. Breast is best for your child. Formula is best for my neighbours child etc etc. We all try our best and if mum’s chose not to feed in a particular way that is their choice. My mum breastfed me but not my brother as he wouldn’t latch on and other reasons. But she did her best for both of us at that time.

That’s great your second went more how you wanted it.
I agree 100% and I think that’s what the op is saying too. There is actually a lot of pressure in the uk to formula feed (whilst simultaneously telling us bf is best). Mums can’t win and everyone should just be supportive of whatever method a mum is doing.
Definately there needs to be way more support for bf in the early days and in hospitals but also flexibility to let mums who want to ff from the start to do so without being guilted. It should be a genuine choice for people not people having to do one method or the other because they think they don’t have a choice or are pressured into doing

It's sabotage! They want cuddles and think you are keeping him from them. Keep strong and carry on boobing! You and baby are doing great. Families can be so frustrating.

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE Their comments are IGNORANT!

I'm not about bashing formula, it's great for when breast is unavailable. But I'd just say to your family that:
A) my boobs, my choice, stop talking about my tits!!!
B) there's scientific evidence to prove that breast is best (when available, and this isn't a judgement but a fact)
C) ask them how the human race survived for millennia if formula was what babies need.

Go easy on yourself, sounds like your ds is doing really well. Don't listen to them, they're talking bullcrap.

I hated breastfeeding and tolerated it until seven months, the day I stopped was a very happy day but it was my choice. The thing I got used to doing during pregnancy and the early years, was to ignore unsolicited advice. From what I ate or shouldn’t eat to what baby was wearing or not wearing, even randoms would try (unsuccessfully) to pass on their unfounded wisdom.

Yanbu.

I think it's more bollocks like this than lack of government support is the reason why breastfeeding rates are so low in this country (because the initial rate is actually pretty good).

New mums have more than enough on their plate without having to justify or defend themselves for feeding their babies the absolute best thing for them (and I say this as someone who ff ds for various reasons)

I bf both mine, late 70s early 80s, and although ff was widespread then I never had negative comments or anyone telling me I should ff.
I found it very easy and a lot less faff than ff, but I know many don't and would never criticise anyone for ff.

The attitude of the 'breastapo', I.e that you must press on no matter how exhausted you are or how difficult it proves, is IMO intimidating to many new mothers and may only succeed in putting them off altogether.
Not to mention so many people so often implying that it almost certainly IS going to be very difficult/painful, when this may not be the case at all.