Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

Been there, had the comments, got the milk stained t shirt.

I had from my mum 'he needs ff, he is starving'. From dsis 4 'he is such an uncontent baby why not ff'. From hv at 6 month check 'this poster says you should only bf to 6 months, time to wean now'.

But I also had unwavering support from dsis 3 and 2 who both bf. And surprisingly from dh who was the one who took the brunt of my exhaustion in the early days, picked up the slack at home, distracted ds from boob when I had thrush and just wanted an hour without a baby attached. And when ds was a baby we went through a rough patch in our relationship but he never once used bfing as a thing to argue about.

Everyone has an opinion on bfing. Dsis 4 is pg again and really wants to ebf but is already talking about expressing 'to make sure baby is getting enough'. She had pnd last time and my mam is already saying she hopes she ff as bf was 'too much' last time.

I have told dsis the only opinion that matters in whether she bfs or ffs is hers. But I know she will get the same fucking shit.

Bfing support around here is shite. Even the hcp don't have a bloody clue.

Boobing. 😬 Its breastfeeding. If you want to do it just do it, ignore everyone, if you dont, dont. Your baby, your choice. No difference in what you do just what works for you.

You're doing an amazing job. Keep at it - you know exactly what you need to do to keep up your milk supply.

It just goes to show what a great job the formula manufacturers have done getting their products so deeply ingrained into our society. It's weird that relatives think it's their "right" to give a baby a bottle or a cuddle in the early days when they feed so much. As for people who are hiding away in terror of seeing a breastfeeding baby, they need to grow up. I would also draft a carefully worded letter to your practice manager about how their actions at the baby clinic putting you in the corner made you uncomfortable, and sent out all the wrong messages about breastfeeding to the other mothers attending.

He's peeing, he's pooing, he's growing, he's happy. Tell them all to Feck off. Your doing a fantastic job.

not worth getting drunk over though

You are mum. You do what's best for you.
I had the opposite, I chose to ff ds1 at 2 months because my 32J boobs were causing me so many problems. The midwife supported me. It was MIL that disagreed. It was only when her sister said to her 'you don't understand how difficult it can be to bf and especially with very large breasts (MIL children are adopted)' that she cut me some slack. But it upset me for the 2 weeks prior to that, and later on my midwife said the old saying 'happy mum, happy baby' and she was right.
I tried again on ds2, went up to 34K that time, and managed 6 weeks before ff. This time everyone's supported me as they could see how I was struggling (anyone with a large bust will know what I mean).
Please do what you want, ignore everyone else. If your LO is growing and thriving you are doing a good job! (And I am envious because I wanted to do it long term!)

'it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.'

Grim

I wrote the above with paragraphs- where did they go?!

I find it very hard to believe a doctor only saw 2 breastfeeding mothers over a 3 year period in a surgery with 5000 patients.

My mum was supportive of me breastfeeding dd until 6 months then did an about turn and spent the next year asking me when I was going to stop. ‘Is t she too old for this? What about when she gets teeth, surely you stop then?’ Etc etc
I just kept repeating that I would feed dd until she and I were ready to stop. Which as it happens was when dd was just over 2.
Ignore you’re batshit family. If they say anything just give them a loom then carry on. I wouldn’t even bother trying to explain cos they won’t listen!

What's wrong with calling it boobing? They are the OPs breasts, the ops baby and the ops decision to refer to it however she wants. We all understand what she means.

Even judging the language someone uses to explain bfing is negative. I used boobing. It sounded less clinical than breastfeeding. My breasts or boobs. My baby. My decision what I call it.

On mn everyone freely uses cunt, fanny, bastard and no fucks are frequently given. Yet it's OK to sneer at a mother using language she finds comfortable to describe the act of bfing when she posts a thread about feeling judged for bfing?

If you don't like the word boobing don't use it. But don't judge someone else on a forum that is supposed to support parents.

YADNU! I would just keep ignoring and changing the subject.
I've had similar comments (7mo is a bf baby) such as "no wonder is he is so small" he has consistently followed the 9th centile line since birth... or "you aren't producing enough milk for him" after ONE feed at my grandmas or "but how do you know he is getting enough?" With a judgey look. Luckily all of my family are supportive (although DM 'doesn't agree with' people who bf past 12 months so that will be fun!) And DH is wonderful.

Well done you for sticking with it!!
You can't really place the blame with these people- ff is so culturally ingrained into society that people don't know any better. Until bf rates increase dramatically in this country, it will always be this way. But be pleased in the knowledge that you are part of bucking the trend. And congratulations on your baby

Frouby spot on! Couldn't agree more! Using the word 'grim' in the context of breastfeeding is very ignorant.

Yanbu at all. If you are able to breastfeed, your baby is putting on weight and you are both happy then that is amazing. Sod everyone else. And I say this as a mum who formula fed from day 1. I’m astounded that your gp has seen so few breastfeeding mums! Where I am I’m definitely in a minority for formula feeding!

Do what you want to do and ignore what others say.
I think your baby clinic and doctor experiences are unusual.

Well done on standing your ground and sorry your family aren't being more supportive. Your BIL sitting in the car is mad but his choice. My advice would be to develop a really thick skin. When they stop advising on this it will be sleep or something else!
If you want some support maybe see if you have a local la leche league chapter (you might not if bf rates really that low). Their meetings are great for meeting other bf mothers and getting support.

People pay much more attention to bf-ing than ff-ing, presumably because there's so much prurience about breasts being used for their natural purpose.

My DGS is three months old and is ff. Selfishly, I like it because I get to feed him when I see him and I'm surprised at myself because I was a committed bf-er and bf for more than two years. What's interesting if you pay attention, is that DGS feeds just like a bf baby - he'll have a quick feed of an ounce or so, then a break, then maybe an hour later he'll want more, then maybe a sleep, then perhaps a much bigger feed of four or five ounces, say.

Watching him do this the other day, I did think back to when I was bf-ing and how the boys would be in and off the breast and people might comment, but nobody mentioned the way DGS was taking his bottles. It certainly doesn't seem to me that ff makes him any more content or sleep longer or any of the other "desirable" results you're meant to get from formula. He seems to behave in an entirely normal way. Feeds, sleeps, cries occasionally. I don't think you would know he was ff or bf.

On that basis, YWNBU to tell your critics that their fascination with your breasts is making you uncomfortable and could they please stop mentioning them.

I've had the same issues. DS was a big baby and the midwife pushed me from Day 1 to supplement with formula because I couldn't possibly produce enough milk for such a big boy. DM has complained constantly that bf is such a burden because I'm feeding every couple of hours for 30 minutes, and ff would be easier because it's a quick bottle every 3-4 hours. And she's blamed lack of formula for DS waking at night. MIL has complained about bf preventing her from bonding with DS because she can't have a turn at feeding him and cuddles are cut short by him crying for food. DH has said he doesn't care if I bf or not (unsupportive) but if I bf then he can't help with night waking. Overall I feel I've had very little support. I just ignore everyone and carry on.

Give it a few more weeks and people will start pressuring you to wean early "because he's hungry" and "breast milk can't possibly be enough" and "he'll sleep better if you feed solids". This is where I am now at 4 months!

I’d go full out PA on them.

Tell them in a sad voice that you’re really disappointed in them, that you thought they would have loved your ds so much and only wanted the best for him. Instead they don’t want the best for him, they are being selfish and demanding cuddles and want to ff him. Luckily for your ds you do love him so much you are going to do your damnedest to do your best for him - and one of the best things that you can do for him right now is to bf him.

If they don’t love ds or you enough to actively and genuinely support you in giving him the best start for his health in life then that is something that really hurts and upsets you, and they need to take a long hard look at themselves before they next come over to see you...

Tell them to fuck off because you are doing a great job and this is what babies are supposed to do!
I had similar comments with my daughters and I'm proud that they never had a single drop of formula. My eldest was on the 0.4th percentile and remained there. She's still really slight at 11 but eats like a horse. Thankfully my HV said she'd never be huge as her dad and me aren't huge. She breastfed for 15 months until age self weaned.
Dd2 was on the 9th and stayed there quite happily. She fed for 3.5 years.
Dc3 is on the 25th and still breastfed at 3.4 years. Nobody ever mentioned formula to me over him.
I get really really mad about give them formula connects. Usually it's due to their own guilt they didn't breastfeed and jealousy you have such a great bond and are doing what they couldn't/wouldn't.
Well done you OP. Boobs are awesome for babies!

I think the doctor probably meant it in a good way.
Keep up with it, ignore everyone, my mum and MIL told me I was being selfish and not putting my baby first by still breastfeeding at 6 months. And then after that I got ‘23 is too young to ruin your body’(pregnancy did that anyway if I’m honest), with some people it’s wanting to cuddle more(but newborns in my experience tend to want their parents regardless of breastfeeding or bottle feeding), and sometimes it’s just weirdly competitive. My mum ended up admitting she felt it made her look bad because she didn’t breastfeed. I’ve never really cared how I was fed and I don’t think most people care!

Oh definitely tell them firmly and without anger that you are bf and don't need their advice. Sounds like your area is really down on bf, no idea why it's still such a contentious issue! Your MIL sounds like a piece of work too. But you're doing the best thing for your baby and you're both happy together so the rest of the world can bugger off for now! xx

it's none of their business and they're being really selfish. it's your decision. they shouldn't be trying to tell you what to do. personally i think you should react at them to get them to shut up. else they will keep going with these comments and it's unfair on you.

Ignore everyone it's no one else's business. Good for you for carrying on!

I’m sure the constant comments are annoying but, you know, I’m also sure you can get over it. Other people will always comment on stuff, if you weren’t breastfeeding they’d probably be commenting on that too. That’s just life imho.

Font eve call it boobing in RL though, just a suggestion.