Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

You're amazing OP keep going!!

DS2 is still going and he just turned 2

• don’t

All the horrible posters objecting to 'boobing' - ignore them and call it what you want. People are arseholes

Don't mess about with tinkly little laughs - oh, how that phrase sets my teeth on edge - tell them to fuck off and mind their own business.

Your family are just ignorant. GP comment sounds like a big compliment. Maybe you should ask your HV if there is a peer support group and offer your services to help other new mums get their feeding established?

What you are experiencing is depressingly common and one of the reasons that bf rates are so low especially in some areas. Smile and tell your family how pleased the hv and GP are, they can hardly argue with that.

Boobing is an awful word to describe breastfeeding. Pointing this out doesn't make someone an "arsehole"

Both DH and my families were like this - drove me mad though by third child they stopped fussing so much.

Unfortunately, we'd changed area by third and HCP were a right pain - HV wanting me to wean at 16 weeks, GP telling me off because I couldn’t say how much milk baby had taken and young female pharmacist ranting about how silly it was feeding past first few weeks. Nursery was odd as well - DD1 was copying me and bf toys the fuss they made about that.

I'm glad I did though - despite being told there was no point as I still have a child with asthma - which ignores massive unexpected pay off for me of 5 and half years thanks to pg and bf with only two periods and when they came back no pain which turned out to be equalling to full blown labour in me.

Plus it was good practise in helping ignoring all the other unasked for “helpful advice” that comes along later.

Just don’t get annoyed. Feed your baby how you want. Everyone has an opinion on infant feeding I find. You’re doing a fantastic job. Some people don’t understand.

‘Boobing’ or ‘boobie Juice’ are relatively new terms, they weren’t about 17 years ago when I had my first child.

OP keep going, you’re doing brilliantly. As others have said, surround yourself with good people who will support your feeding choice.

I BF’d ( we called it boobing too, in fact, my lovely local breastfeeding support group, with trained nhs peer supporters and lactation consultant was called ‘Boobies and biscuits’ and was really popular....good enough for us ) I ebf for a year, my DD was always hovering between 25/50th percentile and I was pressured to ff to bulk her up in the early days too, I didn’t want to for lots of reasons and loved the comfort it gave her. My FIL used to leave the room and start gardening when I discreetly popped DD on.... he got a big row from me and MILand eventually overcame his awkwardness and made a big effort to stay and chat and just treat me normally, but people can be SO weird about it. Mind you, I was probably one of them until I had my own bub.

I was ready to stop after 12 months and she was totally fine with that too. even now with her ferocious appetite for solids, she’s STILL sitting at just below 50th percentile, it’s just who she is. We breastfed and co slept And did whatever we needed to get us through those important months, now at 14 months she sleeps through- in her own bed/room I’m back at work and she enjoys nursery a few days a week, she’s doing brilliantly and No signs of having been spoilt or displaying attachment issues ( what is wrong with wanting to be with your mum/dad anyway?!)

Haters gonna hate, just do what’s right for you and baby and enjoy it. It really is such a short time. I loved boobing, I’m lucky that it was predominantly such a good experience for us. (Things got a bit bitey and punchy towards the end right enough.... her-not me )
I have huge respect for any mum who breastfeeds without support

Xx

‘boobie Juice’

What a vile saying

You are doing such a brilliant job, don't let them undermine you or the amazing thing you're doing in breastfeeding. I found it SO hard, if I had had some negativity like this in the early days I would have given up for sure. Luckily, 12 months and we're still boobing (yes we use that phrase too!) but not without its challenges.

Ignore ignore ignore.

I think most breastfeeders face this bullshit.

You're doing the best thing for your child, just keep doing what's working for you. xxxxx

Oh although don't ignore the having to face a wall by a bin crap. Complain about that!

I used to go to a local breastfeeding drop in group, LOVED it. Boobs everywhere and never any shame for anyone.

Please ignore I get so frustrated when I hear things like this. You are doing great babies are meant to feed a lot. Only give formula if you want to don't feel pressured into it.

I had the same experience with my first, luckily I was determined but it would have been nice to have some support rather than discouragement.
It's like running a marathon and people are standing at the sidelines trying to trip you up. Just keep going.

YABU to say you both love 'boobing', but apart from that, YANBU at all. Keep on keeping on.

Tell them that the WHO guidelines are: 'Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.'

I found people obsessed with bottled and formula to 'top up' and 'satisy' and it is weird. I never owned a bottle and gave water from a cup when needed - it just wasn't something we needed to do. Both self weened at 15 and 18 months and were born on 1st percentile for weight but were on 30th and 40th buy the time they were 3.

You know what you are doing but I think some parents need to reaffirm their parenting style by critisising rather than accepting different things suit different families.

You BIL sitting in the car like a passive aggressive victorian dad is completely unacceptable.

My nan said to me it wasnt natural.... oh but powdered milk formed in a factory is...? I bf all 3 of my kids until i gave birth to my next baby. 3 kids in 5 years and breastfed through the pregnancies too... you can imagine those comments! It doesnt matter how you feed. Just do wjat works best for you and baby

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

Jesus, I’m really surprised. You must be in an area with very very low rates. I’m sure she actually meant it as a compliment retainer than Criticism though.

I'd assume it was a compliment or at worst surprise as well. And yes, you must be in an area with very low bf rates. Although from the support you are getting I can certainly see why they'd be low

As for your BIL ask him if he meant to be such a fucking nob so rude.

I found people obsessed with bottled and formula to 'top up' and 'satisy' and it is weird

Not just any people in my case- the actual nursery nurses on the post Labour ward in hospital who were supposed to be helping us establish bf!! Some of them would spend all of 2 minutes trying to help before telling me to give him a formula top up!

Have you considered squirting the driver side window next time he's in there?

There are a milion and one phrases people use on MN that make me want to stab kittens. I however, have some manners so I keep my opinions to myself.

I’m still breastfeeding my almost two and a half year old the same time as my almost seven month old.

Just do what works for you.
When I recently told my new health visitor i was still feeding my daughter her face lit up. It was such a nice change from the look that suggests I’m some sort of freak.

Other people’s issues are just that. Their issues.

My mother was dying for bfing to fail with dd. She managed a couple of weeks with me and just over a month with my sibling. She went on about how it was time to stop when teeth came through. She expected me to feed dd while travelling in the car as she didn’t want to wait for me to feed dd. She was most put out when I refused.

I can imagine how grating it is for you. My mother used to go on incessantly about the ridiculousness of car seats for babies and children. It was so much better in her day you know when car seats just hooked over the seat. And how it’s better for a child to be killed than maimed in an accident as obviously happens these days.

I fed dd until she was 2 1/2 when I chose to stop. I’m pretty sure she was self weaning but her way of going about it was so painful. No feeding for 4/5 days then constantly on the breast the next day, rinse, repeat.

Do whatever makes you happy. Breastfeeding isn’t easy or at least it wasn’t for me. I didn’t have an abundance of milk and I weaned her (after discussing with the hv) a couple of weeks before she reached the 6 month mark. You do need a few stock phrases and often the hv/doctor told me I’m doing fine ones will hopefully work. As for the doctor saying you’re one of two bfing mothers they’ve seen. I think it was pleasant surprise rather than anything else.