Pissed at being told to formula feed!

[HeavyMetalMama]

This is something that’s pissing me right off. My baby was born on the very middle line centile in the book, never lost weight and has stayed on that line for his whole 11 weeks. He wakes in the night and feeds fairly often in the day - possibly because he is a baby. I don’t begrudge him this as I’m quite fond of him. In the early days especially where he was glued to the breast I constantly had comments that he’s unsatisfied! He wees and poos for England, smiled at 6 weeks, engages with people etc he’s perfrct (although I could be slightly biased ).
Mum and sister #1 suggest he should have formula as he’s “unsettled” and “not getting enough”. Dad suggests formula to “bulk him up a bit”. Sister #2 jokingly (?) repeats that she hasn’t seen him yet as he’s “always buried in mum’s chest”. Mum & Sis #1 breastfed/combined fed 4 each of their own!
10 years ago, a young mum, I believed all of this and added formula from 4 weeks. Constipated my baby and ruined my milk supply. Determined not to listen this time and it’s been difficult at times but we both love boobing.

The overwhelming support doesn’t stop there, oh no. My brother in law for example sits outside in the car when Sister #2 comes over. MIL gets frustrated that she can’t cuddle DS as much as she’d like because he wants food, I even expressed earlier than I really wanted to so she could give him a bottle but he wants his mummy.
I cover so well that SIL sat opposite me without realising I was feeding, so I’m not waving them around for all to see.
Sister #1 also made a comment about him not being content this weekend.
My baby clinic, which boasts a feeding cafe for all (breast, bottle & weaning) when I took DS to be weighed put me in the corner to feed, faving the wall and sat right next to the bin.

At DS 8 week check the doctor said she’d been there 3 years and he’s the second BF baby she’s seen, in a surgery of over 5000 patients.

These aren’t even all of them.

I’m doing a fantastic job. DS is absolutely thriving. Am I being unreasonable to want to scream every time someone tells me to give him a bottle of formula?

PS no issues at all with formula I think it’s wonderful stuff, just not my choice

@whatshallido some babies just feed a lot. At 11 weeks babies are still in the '4th trimester' and need that comfort and closeness. The OP's happy that her baby is developing and generally happy, why bother with formula? It's just more washing up

Dancingtothebeat - so, because your breastfeeding wasn't properly supervised and your child became ill, you think every single woman who plans on breastfeeding should take formula to hospital and give very quickly if they suspect that breastfeeding isn't going well and their baby is becoming dehydrated?

At the moment in the UK about 3 times as many breastfed babies are being given formula in hospital as is clinically necessary.

And some babies, who need supplementation with donor milk, colostrum, or formula are being missed.

So what do we see - lots of calls from women who have experienced this this situation to address the inadequacy of postnatal care and a lack of breastfeeding expertise?

Nope.

We see these people encouraging everyone to give formula at the first sign that breastfeeding may not be going well, despite the fact that 1. vastly too many breastfed babies are already being unnecessarily supplemented with formula 2. that giving formula unnecessarily (which will be the majority of breastfed babies getting formula while still in hospital) can and does damage some women's breastfeeding. 3. that using formula is not a consequence free zone for some babies.

"while my child was not receiving the care he should have done either with weighs and infection checks missed or fudged"

You admit you had poor care. Yet your concern isn't the inadequacy of the postnatal care and the failure to recognise inadequate feeding, it's about not being advised immediately to give formula.

You should read this article, because it gives some good insight into the issues your story raises:
www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2016/10/fed-is-best-infant-dehydration.html

Where on earth do you live op? Almost everyone I know Breastfeeds or combined feeds! Some formula feed exclusively too but not many. Can’t believe the go has only come across two bf babies!

"I think a lot of it is projecting, all of the people trying to put me off had issues or chose not to breastfeed."

^^ this.

Minifingerz well said! When DS (7mo) was born, it's the first thing the nursery nurses jumped too when I called them with help to latch DS on. They spent all of a few minutes helping and then it was 'just give him a formula top up' as a first time mum exhausted from Labour, I did what I was told. The second day, they wouldn't let me out of the hospital until I had a 'feeding plan' as DS we didn't quite get the hang of it (some feeds were successful and some were not) what they hunted at was they wanted me to say I would switch to formula so I could be discharged. I was sleep deprived and wanted to go home - how many people would have given up in that state?? And I wouldn't have blamed them! Luckily, we didn't and it worked out for us once we were back home (with help from the HV)
Still I look back and I do wish I hadn't given him those top ups now I know more!

Maybe she lives in Knowlsey, Merseyside - only 22% of babies 6 weeks old are being breastfed at all. Almost all those breastfed babies are mixed fed.

London on the other hand - 77% of babies of similar age are still being breastfed.

The op did not say her baby was feeding all the time. Fairly often is normal. Many ff babies will feed fairly often too if you are responsively feeding (which is recommended).

I’m always surprised when people say that they have been denied formula or help with ff in hospitals. It seems that hospitals are either one extreme or the other. Despite being in a ‘baby friendly’ hospital the consultant I saw asked which formula I would choose to feed my baby. I had about a litre (possibly more) of pumped milk in the fridge! Had my dh not been there advocating as I was in no fit state to explain my dd would have been fed formula against my wishes and completely unnecessarily.

Too many errors for me to bother correcting them there. I hate this phone!

That said all the midwifes and lactation consultant I saw at that hospital were totally amazing and I probably wouldnt have established a supply without their guidance.

YY Frouby You articulated so well the dynamic - if people don't want to be seen to criticise the actual breastfeeding, they aim at the words used instead. Has a very similar effect, but is more insidious.

“Adult mummies” is even worse than “boobing”.

You don’t have to listen to any advice especially since you baby is thriving but don’t lump your partner (and co parent) in with everyone else. Can’t he have an input?

Why should he have an input tho?

Is he taking paternity leave? Would he make formula? Sterilise bottles? Do all the night feeds warming milk up? Does he have breasts that can lactate?

Honestly I despair of mn sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with ff. I ff my pfb from 6 weeks. Mix fed from 3 weeks. Because of all the pressure I had.

Unless that baby hasn't thrived on bfing then that father should be shouting from the rooftops and celebrating the fact that not only has his wife given birth to a baby but she is continuing to nourish that baby from her own body. And the baby is thriving.

I fail to see how anyone elses opinion would be anything except 'go mama'.

And my dh was a bit of a cunt when ds was born. I seriously thought about ending it. But never once was he less than 100% supportive about bfing.

Bfing is the biological norm. It should be the norm to bf. There are certain circumstances when it's not possible. And then it's necessary to ff. There are circumstances when the mother doesn't want to bf. And that should be fine too. But often isn't. And it's usually fine to bf a baby to 6 months. But any longer and it is selfish.

I bf to 18 months. I hid it from 12 months. That is sad.

Am sad ds is the last because now I would be the one bfing a 2 year at soft play after its chicken nuggets and chips.

If everyone stopped having opinions on how we feed our babies, what we call bfing, how long we bf for, whether we bf or ff, or whether we express or not it would be a lot easier for everyone.

As long as no one is feeding babies kfc or rusk in bottles it's all good. Whether we call it boobing, breastfeeding or cow and gating it doesn't matter to anyone else except tgat baby and that mother.

I thought the OP said that her DH was supportive anyway?

@minifingerz absolutely right

My HV suggested formula at 6 weeks, when baby was settled, gaining weight and feeding well. I have no idea why, especially when apparently the NHS ram bf down your throat. Just ignored her.

Where I live I’m the only person I know who had breastfed. And I know a lot of mums and babies.

I’m still breastfeeding at almost 2- and almost everyone is appalled. In some places it’s just like that.

When we lived in a London it was the exact opposite scenario and formula feeding wa anathema.

I think I mis typed something, my DH (who was FF and never around babies until his own) is fiercely supportive of my BFing, but would support me either way as he knows it’s my body.

My 10yo DS doesn’t bat an eyelid and always knew what boobs were for, yet grown mums lose their minds over the word boobing. Figures lol.

@Frouby you saying that you hid such an incredible and beautiful thing for 6 months is absolutely fucking awful. Really that’s heartbreaking to read and nobody should have to do that. I’d love to get to 18mo, maybe even more!

With my first I was adamant to BF (even mixed) yet I allowed advertising to tell me he didn’t need it past 6mo? And that as I wasn’t expressing enough to mix in his baby rice I didn’t have enough for him and had him on cow and gate from then. I feel awful as he really wanted to breastfeed longer but I thought it was no good.

Such a lack of information allround for something that’s as old as the human race!

Minifingerz - I totally agree. I think formula is recommended too much in hospitals. I was told that my twin needed formula milk as she would be brain damaged if I refused to give her formula. I had colostrum from delivery. My complaint after I discharged myself led to an investigation which showed not only did staff fail to follow clinical guidelines Surrounding formula and ignored procedures regarding babies medical condition but they were actively promoting formula. I was lied to by staff for their convenience.

I was advised during the complaint process that Staff like formula as they can easily measure input. With breastfeeding they must measure output and this is more hassle.

The lack of knowledge surrounding breastfeeding in hospitals is worrying too. Midwives were asking why I wasn’t feeding baby from both breasts - err babies twin is on the other one! I swapped breasts each feed not during the feed!

The crap I endured in hospital about breastfeeding (despite having ebf for over 2 years, only stopping a few months before the birth of twins) was unbelievable.

Funnily I’ve had no hassle from the general public, I still feed my two year olds in public. Id be vocal if anyone dated to criticise as I know someone who stopped bf (and regretted it terribly) due to comments from the public.

I have no issue with mother’s ff or bf or mixed feeding. I just want all women to be able to make an informed decision on what is right for them, not be because it’s easier for medical staff to fill a form in, or because bf or ff is the norm in their area.

Op the easiest thing is to bf until 1 then introduce cows milk in a cup if you wish. That way you can keep up bf and avoid bottles altogether. When you start solids offer water in a cup with meals then switch it to cows milk or water at a year old. All mine have done this and gradually cut down their bfs as we’ve introduced solids. By a year they’re feeding about twice a day, morning and night which is manageable to go back to work on. Then they’ve cut down to one feed a day about 18 months. Oldest then stopped at 20 months, youngest 24 months. No crying, no bottles, no stress, all felt completely natural.

Introduce cows milk alongside bf at one that is

That’s great advice thank you :) my first was onto bottles from 7 months then a Doidy cup from 9ish months with a beaker for whilst we were out. He had cows milk products but had follow on cow and gate til around 2

@EmilyD84 slightly off topic but I found Infacol great for trapped wind with my DC - can get it in any pharmacy/Asda/etc. We tried gripe water also which sort of eased the trapped wind but the Infacol really stopped the 3-6am pacing with crying baby

Yes i think follow on milk is just expensive and high in sugar. Of breast milk, cows milk and follow on milk I’d say it was the least nutritious and most expensive for your child. I can see why you thought differently though - the advertising on it is everywhere. That’s why they hsve it though -it’s basically the same as normal formula but they aren’t allowed to advertise that so push follow on milk instead.

Ignore the stupid, ignorant and ill- informed-but-well-meaning. I breastfed for 4 years, and would always recommend trusting your gut instinct on parentings/breastfeeding. You could also throw at the the World Health Organisation's recommendations of breastfeeding for 2 years and BEYONED. And if you feel put in a corner, move, because you are legally allowed to breastfeed anywhere you want.

This is about you and your baby, completely ignore the idiots.

If you put breast milk under a microscope it is alive, it is a living substance perfectly formulated for your baby. Formula is dead.

Hmmm living substance unique to my baby or dead powder sitting on a shelf?