Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Who should get up early with toddler

226 replies

Babynonamee · 04/06/2018 19:23

I genuinely don't know what is fair.

We have DS1 (18 months) and DS2 (6 weeks)
My DH works full time 8:30-4pm Mon-Fri. I am on maternity leave.

I am up 2-3 times per night feeding the newborn baby (he's pretty good baby to be honest).
Our toddler wakes up between 5am and 6:30 am. And is occasionally up during the night.

Who should get up with the toddler early in the morning? Me who had had a disturbed night sleep every night, or DH who has work all day (he leaves At 8am)?

Also- on the rare occasion toddler wakes during the night, who should be the one to go to him and settle him? (It can take 1-2 hours to settle him)

DH thinks I should as he works. AIBU to think he should? As I am up every night with newborn... Or at least we should take it in turns?

OP posts:

NewBallsPlease00 · 04/06/2018 19:24

You, he can cover weekends
I say that as someone who’s been there sorry

DeepFatFriar · 04/06/2018 19:25

You should

GreasyHairDoNotCare · 04/06/2018 19:25

What is the nature of his work? Brain surgeon, then maybe not reasonable to disturb his sleep, but if we're talking an office job then it's not unreasonable to ask him to get up

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 04/06/2018 19:25

I think it's probably fair that you settle the toddler in the night as your DH does have to work the next day, but he should be doing at least half of all mornings with the toddler if not more. It's an early start for sure but he can go to bed early! If that's time when you can catch up on some sleep you should get it imo.

overmydeadbody · 04/06/2018 19:25

For the early mornings just take it in turns day by day, that's what we do.

As long as you are dealing with the baby in the night, your dh needs to be on duty to deal with possible wakings from your toddler.

That's how we did/do it anyway.

Oysterbabe · 04/06/2018 19:26

I think you split it evenly between you.

blackteasplease · 04/06/2018 19:26

Of course he should if you are doing all the night wakings with the baby. He has to get up soon after anyway to leave at 8 so he might as well get up, spend a bit of time with his child and let you have til 8

He doesnt even work a very long day!

Does he ever do night wakings on weekends? Do you have any time to express milk?

BlameItOnTheBoomBoom · 04/06/2018 19:26

Agree with New Balls. Sorry.

blackteasplease · 04/06/2018 19:27

I meant the morning btw. You could take it on turns to wake with the toddler in the night.

KindergartenKop · 04/06/2018 19:27

What's his job? Does he work in an office or is he a heart surgeon?
I think he should deal with the toddler at least 4 days a week.

Bananarama12 · 04/06/2018 19:27

I get up with baby in the week and we both take it in turns at the weekend (my DP gets up at 6 for work so about the same time DS wakes so I get up too) as for night feeds yes we take it in turns but we only have one. He definitely needs to help you in some way or you'll burn out.

PiggyPoos · 04/06/2018 19:27

DS1 got up at 5 and when DS2 was night feeding DP did the earlys.

He can go to bed fairly early and still get enough sleep whereas i expect you don't get the chance to nap in the day much and you are exhausted!

EmmaSwann · 04/06/2018 19:28

I think you should be in charge of the newborn and he should be in charge of the toddler.

Oh and as an aside I work 8.40-4.00 and consider myself part time!!

InDubiousBattle · 04/06/2018 19:28

We had a 19 month gap. Dp got up with ds (toddler)during the night (very infrequent )and up with him in the morning. I did it 1 day a week at the weekend so he had a lie in. He still gets up with them more often than me although they sleep later now.

MrsOsM · 04/06/2018 19:28

I'm not in this situation yet but will be in the next few months. DD is 3 and has had the very odd night where she has slept through the night, the norm is she wakes up several times a night.
DH works 12 hour shifts 3 on 3 off. I expect when he is on paternity leave and on days off he will help, but other than that I expect to be getting up during the night to both kids when he's working and whenever they wakeup in the morning.

EmmaSwann · 04/06/2018 19:29

My DH works 8 TIL 6.30 and Saturdays and even then he helped!

Treaclepie19 · 04/06/2018 19:29

Just asked my husband (because judging by some of these replies, I'm awful!)
And he leaves at 7.40 and is home at 4.40 and still says he would get up with the toddler or early in the morning because you've got the kids all day.

(I married a good 'un, I know)
So yanbu!

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 04/06/2018 19:29

He should. He can just go to bed earlier.

olympicsrock · 04/06/2018 19:30

He should get up with the toddler. Perhaps he should be in bed by 10 and then up at 5?
That’s how we did it.

LunaTrap · 04/06/2018 19:30

He should be getting up early with the toddler and letting you rest until he leaves for work assuming he is getting uninterrupted sleep.

steff13 · 04/06/2018 19:31

I think you should do the night wakings, and he should do the mornings.

Janek · 04/06/2018 19:32

Yep, me too.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/06/2018 19:34

I did the baby, DH did the pre schooler.

adaline · 04/06/2018 19:34

Whoever gets to sleep in the night should get up in the morning.

PiggyPoos · 04/06/2018 19:35

I'm suprised that anyone is saying you actually!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread