Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
Candyflip · 03/06/2018 17:44

Is she always this highly strung. It is very rude to bring people who have not been invited, but her reaction is totally out of proportion.

HopefullyAnonymous · 03/06/2018 17:45

YABU. Very. You were clearly told there was no room. If you weren’t happy to go without them then you should have stayed away instead of purposely doing the opposite of what you’d been told numerous times.

It sounds like you need the attention to be on you all of the time.

corythatwas · 03/06/2018 17:47

You do sound like a very dramatic family. Why was it such a biggie to go along on your own?

But then again, who changes their whole future over the gate-crashing of one annoying relative?

Total drama lamas all round by the sounds of it.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2018 17:48

YWBVU for trying to ramrod your partner's kids down their throats. They told you NO and you kept pressing on. And showing up like that wasn't on, too.

Her reaction is out of proportion but honestly, no one's going to be excited about how lovely his kids are as much as you.

Unicorndiscoball · 03/06/2018 17:48

Seems like overreacting on all sides tbh. But I have no idea why you would try to have forced the issue to the extent you did, and why you would turn up with people uninvited when you’d been specifically told they weren’t invited.

Namethecat · 03/06/2018 17:49

Buy a nice ' sorry ' / or blank card. Explain as obviously the engagement was a surprise you had no idea what was happening. You agree that it would not have be appropriate to bring those girls etc. A bit of grovelling, and then leave it. You didn't know ,she went ott , let it all calm down.

WhoIsShe18 · 03/06/2018 17:49

What a drama! You are ALL being unreasonable and behaving like children.

moleeye · 03/06/2018 17:51

Good grief. You were told no, several times and still persisted.

I would not be impressed. You seem very selfish

AmazingPostVoices · 03/06/2018 17:51

I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously

But you did act selfishly.
You did deliberately make it all about your wants and needs.

You were told several times that they weren’t invited and brought them anyway?

Fair enough to decide not to attend on the basis that they weren’t invited. But you tried to make a big entrance and presumably hoped that they would be too well mannered to challenge you on it.

You embarrassed your DP, you embarrassed his daughters and made them feel unwelcome.

You have behaved dreadfully.

Given the strength of your brother and his fiancé’s reaction I have to wonder if it isn’t the first time.

All you can do now is apologise wholeheartedly to your brother and his fiancé and then say very quiet and hope they calm down.

SoapOnARoap · 03/06/2018 17:51

Incredibly unreasonable on your part

user1483387154 · 03/06/2018 17:51

Ywbvu and this will take a lot to sort out. You were specifically told not to take them and you did.

Furx · 03/06/2018 17:52

They were rude about the invite in the first place

You were a bit rude to muscle in with strangers

The family were frankly bloody odd to suggest you ‚‘ruined‘ the moment

The girlfriend is a bloody loon

I’d avoid the damn lot of them. The wedding will be a farce and will end up with someone being arrested.

gamerchick · 03/06/2018 17:53

Whilst it might look like an overreaction on the girlfriends part and you do owe her a bit of making up to smooth things over, you we're totally out of order to do what you had repeatedly been told not to do.

Have your wallow and try to think of a way to make amends and stop trying to force your boyfriend's kids on everyone when you've been told no.

werideatdawn · 03/06/2018 17:53

You're all being bizarre but you especially shouldn't have turned up after being told so many times no. You are basically pushy and demanding but she's a drama queen so...
Should be a fun wedding if it happens.

FredSheeran · 03/06/2018 17:53

Everyone being over dramatic but YWBU to insist on bringing your partner and his kids around despite being told repeatedly no. 'Couldn't be accommodated' could mean anything from 'it's to talk about something personal' to 'we don't have enough chairs'. It's not always about how well-behaved they are!

Are you one of those people who brings their kids to the ceremony part of a no-kids wedding 'because it's a public event and they can't keep people out'?

QueenDoris · 03/06/2018 17:53

Can you understand simple instructions in English? You were told your brother would rather you didn't turn up with the new partner, but you still went ahead and did it. Why? Seems like a deliberate slight

GummyGoddess · 03/06/2018 17:53

It wasn't without thought though as you knew they had said no, decided to go anyway and then went into their garden when they didn't answer the door.

I think a big apology is in order, send brother and future SIL flowers/chocolates/champagne and an apology note. I'm sure they will forgive you at some point before the wedding.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 03/06/2018 17:54

OTT reaction by her but you were VU to turn up with uninvited guests because you wanted to make the meal all about you. You were told not to bring them and completely disregarded that.

Mollie85 · 03/06/2018 17:54

Apologise. You were in the wrong.
Whether or not you knew what was happening, you deliberately ignored the rather obvious social cues asking you not to bring partner/ kids.
What is your relationship usually like with brother / SIL - to be?

Mrskeats · 03/06/2018 17:54

Why would you do that? Genuinely stumped by this.

DragonMamma · 03/06/2018 17:54

Bloody hell OP, you must have skin like a rhino to turn up despite being told no (several times!).

YWBVU and owe them a grovelling apology and you need to learn some manners for the future so that you don’t end up in this situation again.

lastnightidreamtofpotatoes · 03/06/2018 17:54

Your lot sound like hard work OP. You were BVU for asking several times and STILL bringing them when you were told no. She was being unreasonable for her reaction. You are now BU again for your reaction. I do think your db and his fiancee are right to be angry with you. You did ruin their moment and you seem very insistent on forcing your D's kids onto others.

Flyme21 · 03/06/2018 17:54

They weren't rude about the invite. They invited you and as it happens they did that for a reason, they wanted to have that big moment with family.

Wolfiefan · 03/06/2018 17:54

So they weren't invited and you took them anyway? Rude.
I'm confused. Did you go to the event or refuse to attend then drop in at the moment they announce their big news. Completely uninvited?
Wow.

bbcessex · 03/06/2018 17:54

OP - what are you hoping to get from this post?

You were told ‘no’ very, very clearly - yet you decided your need were more important.

Your brother & GF had obviously put thought into the special announcement.. you poured water over it.

I’m sure all will calm down but I would apologise and send flowers if I were you...