To have ruined brother’s engagement

[Illuminati12]

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

Rach5l Good for you but you don't get to decide who other people invite or not to their celebrations.

I do wonder whether all these posters saying the brother and girlfriend should have done this, shouldn't have done that, are in the habit of dictating how other people arrange their own events in their own homes? Do they ignore any requests/arrangements that they don't agree with?

I presume that the OP’s DP didn’t want to go with her when the invitation was grudgingly extended to him because he had his daughters that weekend so could hardly bugger off and leave them while he went off to OP’s family lunch. Can you imagine what his ex would have had to say about that?

Why do people keep highlighting the word “OP” by the way?

OP is highlighted because most people will highlight the name of the person on the thread that they are talking about/to. So OP = Original Poster. OP (without the highlighting) = original post.

When I first started on forums it differentiated between Original Poster and Opening Post. and it has stuck with me ever since.

X posted with Dione

OP should have accepted the invitation and arranged to meet her dp and girls later. However when she in all innocence popped in to say hello with dp and the girls my attitude would have been ' We weren't expecting you but you've just arrived in time to celebrate our engagement'.

OP has apologised, she could send a congratulations card with champagne and flowers or invite them over to hers for a meal. Then leave it up to her db and his fiancee.

OP you were rude.
Fiancée sounds unhinged.
Hope there's a wedding thread

OP you were rude.
Fiancée sounds unhinged.
Hope there's a wedding thread

I think the key to everything is that the op tried to get her mother to change her brother's mind and the mother then spoke to the brother, the op is obviously used to getting her own way with the support of her mother. Even now the op says the family reckon her brother will calm down which does imply that he is just as angry as the fiancee. Whether the fiancee is a drama llama or not really depends on exactly what the op did on opening the gate but she isn't telling somehow I think if the fiancee had said wtf are you doing here we would have heard but something happened significant enough to make the dp leave with his daughters and the only reason for the op not to tell us is because it showed her in a bad light.

Such a ridiculous over reaction from SIL. How does she get through everyday life?

OP, you have been absolutely roasted over what would have been a non-issue if I were your SIL

Probably by holding firm boundaries and expecting other people to understand that no means no. This is a good way for women to be.

The OP certainly over reacted by getting upset when originally told no by her STBSIL. Then being upset because her brother said no. And then being more upset following a conversation with her mum. She was still upset 2 weeks later.

That was a ridiculous over reaction to being told "No, we don't want you to bring other people round that day, we will meet them another time".

I just can't believe this non-event, with only 3 posts from the OP, has attracted so much outrage. I doubt she's even reading your posts now, she probably hid the thread ages ago.

Oh well, one thing is certain, there won't be a new thread, unless the SIL posts her own thread of course.

Or the mum of the 2 teenagers.

Yep the OP misjudged it. But this pair sound like the kind of knobheads who announce in advance that they are going to Paris to 'get engaged.'

After you've had that conversation you are already engaged!! It's done. I'm fucked if I'm forking out for a holiday for you to string it out and ask the same sodding question at some pretty landmark.

But this pair sound like the kind of knobheads who announce in advance that they are going to Paris to 'get engaged.'

Are you on the correct thread? Or trying to be ironic?

Yes we know you're this couple's number one fan, you're determined to defend them whatever it takes. I wonder if you are actually the SIL???

I took to be ironic boney.

They do seem the type who'll have an engagement, family announcement party, engagement photography for the social media announcement, engagement party, bridal shower, whole weekends with friends wedding shopping, home hen party, Marbella with the girls hen party, stag weekend, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, wedding, wedding reception, post wedding brunch. Etc

Lizzie48

Given that the poster seems to think that they are the type of people who announce before hand that they are getting engaged when they have kept the engagement secret. It seems worth pointing out.

Not sure why that makes me the SiL.

They do seem the type who'll have an engagement, family announcement party, engagement photography for the social media announcement, engagement party, bridal shower, whole weekends with friends wedding shopping, home hen party, Marbella with the girls hen party, stag weekend, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, wedding, wedding reception, post wedding brunch. Etc

And every single one of those will involve a tantrum

Sorry, BoneyBackJefferson I just find it amusing how keen you are to make the OP the villain of the piece and the engaged couple as being totally in the right. It's very rarely so black and white in real life.

But I do agree with DioneTheDiabolist that a thread posted by the mum of the teenagers would be very interesting.

Obviously devilish.
Someone will sneeze at the wrong moment and that'll ruin the day so the SIL can cry and have a tantrum that their marriage is doomed because some selfish person had hayfever

Lizzie48

Why is it any different from those desperate to make the SIL the villain of the piece?

Its not, Its just an opinion.

I doubt that it is black and white, but as has been posted by others there is much to the story that is missing.

As I said, it's never black and white. Oh well, this debate is coming to an end!!

Totally on the right thread. I'm 50. Seen far too many of these engagement parties over the years.

If you go to Paris, Rome, New York etc to 'get engaged' you are already fucking engaged. You got engaged the moment you decided to go to Paris, Rome, New York to get engaged and booked the flights and hotels.