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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined brother’s engagement

999 replies

Illuminati12 · 03/06/2018 17:41

I have been sick and can’t stop crying. I have done something terrible. Totally without thought.
I have been seeing someone for 18 months, lovely man with two children who I met just before Christmas. My family have met him and we took the kids to my mother’s and sisters.
My brother and his partner invited the family round a fortnight ago for a meal yesterday. The family meaning widowed mother, siblings, spouses, kids and me. The invitation was sent from girlfriend’s phone and said “Can you come...” I just thought it was a meal in their newish house. I replied that me, partner and his two teenagers could come. The response came from girlfriend “Sorry can’t accommodate Partner and teenagers but look forward to meeting them another time.”
I was a bit put out and replied that the kids were great, well behaved and would fit in. Again response was sorry they could not be accommodated. I now regret texting my brother he said that they hadn’t entertained before so didn’t really want extras. He did hint that maybe my partner could come alone as he and girlfriend hadn’t met his kids. I was really upset as my entire family were going to be at this meal but I couldn’t take my partner and his lovely girls.
My mother then spoke to my brother and he rang me up annoyed that I had mentioned it and again stressed that there was no room.
Yesterday arrived meal at 12:30. I was upset. We took girls out for pizza and at 4:30 I thought my family would have finished meal and now be in garden and we could drop in and introduce girls and everyone would be relaxed.
I rang bell, no answer so went round side into garden. A micro second before they had announced engagement amidst champagne and now all these faces were looking at us. Girlfriend began to cry and ran upstairs.
Completely embarrassed. My partner tried to usher his girls out. My brother was seething.it was a special moment ruined by strangers.
Girlfriend’s mother then came down with her phone and read back texts between us asking me how I could have thought they were invited.
My sister drove me home. Brother rang to say I was out of order. Girlfriend texted that I am not to go near her again and has made it clear that she will not marry my brother if I am invited. She called me pushy and demanding. They had invited me but I tried to bring strange kids to the party and deliberately tried to have my own way.
I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own. I am devastated. Family feel brother will calm down and it will blow over. I am devastated I genuinely didn’t do anything maliciously.

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 19:40

She didn’t go to the lunch. She didn’t know there was a special ‘event’ later. She’s not a mind reader and misjudged the situation.

Should have texted. But cheeky fuckery would have been turning up to the meal.

Hopefully someone will tell Drama queen it’s not really on to ban people from weddings for such a minor faux pas (although if I was OP I think i’d Rather stay banned).

Aridane · 04/06/2018 19:41

Thread nearly full !

Rach5l · 04/06/2018 19:41

You lot are completely bonkers, it's the more the merrier with any celebration round here.
Friends, neighbours, neighbours relations, grandkids, stepkids - who cares, it's a CELEBRATION 🎉
SIL is on glue

Devilishpyjamas · 04/06/2018 19:41

And I have seen narcissist behave the way of the fiancée

SoleBizzz · 04/06/2018 19:46

You were told no but didn't listen. You were upset you couldn't take your partners children to your families party.. children you've only just met yourself are more important?

You have a serious problem respecting other people's wishes... I wouldn't want you anywhere near me again either. Spoilt brat syndrome.

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 19:50

Going to miss this ol' thread..

Anyway - The big elephant in the room is why you (without your bf and his kids) didn't go to the family get together.

From the op - I had no idea this was special occasion or I would have gone on my own

OP didn't want to go to yet another family meal on her own surrounded by siblings and their oh's and dc (just while we're extrapolating). But if she had known or db had the gumption to hint that there was a particular reason for wanting her there she would have gone.

The real elephant in the room is why db and f-sil were happy for her to exclude herself knowing as they did that there was a big family announcement coming.

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 19:54

Ruff Well said!

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/06/2018 19:55

Strangely enough I have seen narcissists acting in exactly that way.

I think that's what prompted such a strong response on this thread BoneyBackJefferson. The OP sounds like a Narc script. Of course the OP could be quite young and immature, in which case she really should use this episode as a learning experience.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:56

Ruffian

Or she could have taken her partner as agreed by her brother once she had moaned enough.

The real elephant in the room is why db and f-sil were happy for her to exclude herself knowing as they did that there was a big family announcement coming.

Blaming the couple for the OP's decisions again.

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 19:56

Some of you sound like Narc yourself. Stop calling her names ffs

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 19:59

Letmesuckyourblood

Yet you seem to be happy for the SiL to called all sorts of names.

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 20:03

Nowhere have I said that however the SIL isn't on the post tho is she and won't she it so not too relevant really. Whereas people are being bitches to OP. Argue or disagree fair enough. No need to be a twat about it

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 20:03

It wasn't agreed by her db that dp could come - he 'hinted' that 'maybe' the dp could come - hardly an invitation.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 20:05

Letmesuckyourblood

Interesting that someone complaining about name calling is name calling.

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 20:06

Ruffian

And she should have taken that hint and said yes.

Unless the DP said that he would rather spend the day with his children than to an event with people that he didn't really know.

catherinedevalois · 04/06/2018 20:06

To be fair to the op I don't think they made it clear enough that the invite was just for her. I've had a word with sil and she agrees that next time she will either take out a two page ad in The Times or hire a plane with a mile long sky banner

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 20:07

I'm not targeting anyone with name calling tho am I. I'm just saying there's no need for people to be twats and have an attitude with OP

Lizzie48 · 04/06/2018 20:10

I don't think either of them deserve the vitriol that's been thrown at them tbh, we all do silly things sometimes. The obvious difference is that as far as we know the SIL isn't reading this so she can't be hurt by it. The vitriol against the OP has been very unkind, though, there was no need for that. I'm not surprised she left the thread.

Letmesuckyourblood · 04/06/2018 20:11

Lizzie Thank you! I'm glad someone else sees what I do

Slanetylor · 04/06/2018 20:12

It seems very clear the invite was for op only. Especially when she had a conversation with her brother about it too. The SIL was totally over dramatic. But she didn’t want the day to be about meeting boyfriends and daughters. She wanted it to be her day. I think ruffian has hit the nail in the head. They were happy to exclude the OP from the celebration. This is the nub of the matter. Why?

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 20:12

Well since it was put out as just a get-together meal then the dp would have been U to cancel on his ex and not see the dc as per their arrangement.

And while db was 'hinting' at an invitation he could have 'hinted' to op that it was very important to him that she be there.

Blondie789 · 04/06/2018 20:12

Imagine coming on here for advice (yes I know she was enormously in the wrong!) and having almost one thousand strangers absolutely ripping you to pieces. I hope OP is okay x

Ruffian · 04/06/2018 20:19

Therein lies the bigger picture Slanetylor...

BoneyBackJefferson · 04/06/2018 20:23

Ruffian

And that circles us back right to the beginning.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/06/2018 20:26

The brother and his DP accepted that the OP said "No". This has all blown up because she couldn't do the same.

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