MIL wants me out

[Lost111]

I gave birth 6 days ago and I am living with my DPs family and will be until probably early next year.

The pregnancy was unplanned, we have no money and my DP's parents have been kind enough to take us in. My DP starts a new higher paid job in September and I'll go back to work in January. So this is just temporary and we will be back on our feet shortly.

My MIL was lovely to me during my pregnancy and we went out together a few times. But since the baby has been born, she's really taken over. She keeps telling me to go upstairs so that she can feed the baby and kept refusing to give the baby back to me when I asked. It's very overwhelming and tough for me as I am her mum and want to look after her myself! I am perfectly able to do so. She keeps referring to the baby as 'her baby' too, it's very frustrating.

She has been shunning me a lot and I feel very upset and alone. DP says that it's all fine, but I can definitely sense some hostility. He also refuses to move before we can really afford it we we'd be struggling for money, which of course makes sense. I just feel like I am a burden and she wants me out and have my DP and baby there alone.

She's been away for a few days and I sent her a message thanking her for how she was with me when I was pregnant; she read it but didn't respond.

What do I do?

Don't leave your baby with her!!!

What has your dp said?

Have you any family your can move in with?

Do you really have no other options because this sounds like a difficult situation with MIL

Your partner needs to stick up for you. You will struggle to shift this dynamic alone. You had a baby less than a week ago - I'm surprised he's minimising this and not trying to look after you more.

You urgently find a way of moving out as quickly as possible. It sounds incredibly stressful. DP might say it's fine but he's presumably at work while you're stuck at home with the baby stealing maniac. It's YOUR baby. You get to feed him/her. NO ONE gets to take them off you and refuse to give them back. That's insane.

Is there anyone else you could stay with? Are your parents in the picture?

I don't. I just kept saying 'can I have my baby back please???' until she handed her over.

No I don't have any family unfortunately

Sounds like she thinks your work is done and you're not needed anymore. Get out while you can!

Take the baby out as much as possible. Go to groups where you can get support from other mothers. Enter communal space as infrequently as possible with your baby when there is only you and her. Stay in your room with your baby when you can. Invite supportive friends around. Be faultlessly nice to her face so she cannot criticise you. Then if she kicks off it is really obvious she is in the wrong. Look for another place. You will need the space anyway as your child grows.

Just breast feed exclusively

DP refuses to move out until September until he starts his new job. I do understand the financial side completely, but I'm also getting paid during my mat leave, so we'd be OK.

MIL comes back tomorrow. I'm so anxious about it all

Be firm with her every single time. Say out loud that she's your baby and you want her with you. Do not give in to her.

Is there any where else you can stay?

I'd move now and go back to work early to help with the financial side.

Maybe you could go on a cheap uk holiday as your DH will probably have some annual leave to use up.

This sounds very difficult. Firstly I would stop asking for the baby and instead say "I'll take her now, thanks for holding her" and take her back. If she asks to feed her, or anything else that you'd rather do yourself, say thank you but if like to do it myself. How about setting up a routine where mil has her while you shower or something? So she has so.e time with the baby and you benefit too.

Congratulations btw. It must be very difficult to deal with this having recently given birth!

Sorry just read you have no where else.

Time to stand up to her NOW. Are you very young OP? I could see how overwhelming it must be having her keep taking over but you can do this.

That's outrageous. You need to work out a way to leave. Your partner should be supporting you on this. Is your maternity leave enough to support you on your own if you needed to?

Oh you poor thing. Can you address this with her directly (in a nice way) face to face?
Ask her if everything's okay - express that you appreciate being able to stay there but she really doesn't need to worry about looking after baby so much etc - try and hammer the point home with bright politeness so it doesn't become an argumentative situation?

Your DP really should stick up for you though - it's not on that you feel like this and he's doing nothing about it.

I'm very worried because if his parents kick me out then I will be homeless. I'm terrified that they're going to kick me out and keep the baby.

My only only option is to stay with my mum, but my DP would have to take the train to work everyday and it would be ridiculously expensive. I don't want to take my baby away from her Dad

Could you get a lock on your bedroom door? her refusing to give your baby back sounds really upsetting.

She can't take your baby. If DP won't stand up to his mum then I think you should go to your mums.

We've got a lock, she kept "joking" about how she was going to come in during the night and take the baby.

How old are you?

Can you chat to the health visitor , doctor or your midwife , get them to help with boundary's

What rights do I have? She's only 6 days old, could my DP get shared custody even though she's still so small? Surely she needs to be with me?

@ourkidmolly 24

Well your DP isn't doing a very good job of things is he. Either he gets his mother to back off or you take the baby to your mums. His choice.

To be honest I would be off.