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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/06/2018 17:03

I would have wanted dh to be proud of me and ironed it for an occasion like that.

If you’re both happy though it’s not really anyone else’s business

SoddingUnicorns · 02/06/2018 17:03

The point is that you don’t give a shit about how your husband feels. Your post is all about what you think, how you feel, what you want.

And if you’re married you’re not a girl, you’re a woman.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:03

Would she have said the same thing if you had ironed DP's shirt for you? I bet not.

ZestyDragon · 02/06/2018 17:03

I hate ironing. Good for you. Your friend needs to keep her nose out.

Aridane · 02/06/2018 17:03

Yes, a bit

FASH84 · 02/06/2018 17:04

That's pretty lazy, flip that scenario to a man saying to his partner, going to her family event you can either be the woman with the scruffy man or you iron it. It wouldn't be five seconds before the LTBs started. You might not care but it doesn't hurt to make an effort every now and then. You seem very rude to have spoken to someone like that and your friend clearly thinks the same.

Nodancingshoes · 02/06/2018 17:04

I don't like ironing but I would iron a dress if it was creased... It sounds a bit lazy but it depends on how you said it I suppose

Mumminmum · 02/06/2018 17:04

Oh ffs if a woman ironed her DHs shirt noone would call him lazy. Tell your "friend" she has double standards.

Whocansay · 02/06/2018 17:06

I'd have told her to wind her neck in. We split chores here. Ironing happens to be DH's (as most of the ironing is his and I hate it!). I'm not lazy either.

TemptressofWaikiki · 02/06/2018 17:06

I'm biased, as I don't do ironing. It's weird because I sew myself clothes at couture level that requires constant pressing of seams etc. But I won't actually iron laundry. My DH finds it relaxing and does all the ironing. If a friend said anything as sexist and crap like that, she would be firmly told where to put her outdated, ridiculous opinions. In fact, I would question why she makes such a show of pitying your DH. Is she trying to show herself as a better 'wife' option...? Hmm

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/06/2018 17:06

Yeah that is lazy. If your DP spoke to you like that and it was reported back here, there would be carnage. Someone would break out the dick comment within ooh 3 posts.

I don't understand why you (a) buy clothes that need ironing (b) state you like to look good then dress like an oddment of sack cloth. Each to their own.

Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:06

@SoddingUnicorns
I didnt realise only married women counted as women.

OP posts:
Anditstartsagain · 02/06/2018 17:06

You should have ironed your dress or asked him if he could iron it.

I would be pissed if dp said that to me sounds like you were showing off for your friend and it went wrong

strayducks18 · 02/06/2018 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:07

@FASH84
I am making an effort. We'll be there for 12 hours, im doing my hair and make up, wearing heels and a dress. My point was a creased dress doesnt bother, if he finds it awkward he can iron it for me.

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 02/06/2018 17:07

Yep, YABU. You might not give a shit, but there are certain occasions that call for a bit of effort. I expect you wouldn't turn up for a funeral or a wedding in a crumpled dress, so I don't think a bit of effort for an event that's important to your DP would be out of place.

19lottie82 · 02/06/2018 17:07

I don’t iron 99.9% of the time, but if it was a family event I would make the effort.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 02/06/2018 17:08

We are overthinking this. I don't iron, ever. I hate it, I am not very good so DH does it when necessary. I do plenty of other things and plenty he doesn't like.

Dsc1907 · 02/06/2018 17:09

Ironing is optional (and pointless). If your clothes are clean it's not lazy to not be interested in removing creases before you put them on and create creases. Hmm

TenuedeNimes · 02/06/2018 17:10

If I said that to my DH he’d shrug and say that he really wasn’t that bothered Grin

On the other hand if I asked him nicely to iron it for me then he probably would.

It really depends on your relationship and how you said it I suppose.

buttfacedmiscreant · 02/06/2018 17:11

I think perhaps the way you phrased it is why she commented. It is a dickish way of saying it.

If you had said

"I'm not planning on ironing my dress because it isn't important to me, if it bothers you I'd be ok with you doing it" is a less aggressive way of saying it.

DH and I often divide up the work by who cares more about a certain chore. Doesn't necessarily mean you are lazy, more that you have different priorities.

Ironing is not usually one of mine.

user838383 · 02/06/2018 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzywuzzy · 02/06/2018 17:11

I think it’s the way you spoke to your DH.

But if he’s fine with it and fine with doing your ironing it’s between the two of you.

I’d be pissed at my DP if he ever spoke to me like that. But then he wouldn’t.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2018 17:12

I agree with the PP who said it sounds as though you were showing off to your friend, unless you always speak to your DH in a shitty way.

Iflyaway · 02/06/2018 17:13

Oh ffs if a woman ironed her DHs shirt noone would call him lazy. Tell your "friend" she has double standards.

^^