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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
FatherMackenzie · 02/06/2018 17:34

My brother does all the ironing for him and his gf. She does cooking and other stuff round the house. It’s fine, as long as it’s fairly equal.

bsbabas · 02/06/2018 17:34

It is lazy but who cares your allowed to be lazy.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/06/2018 17:35

This isn't about the division of labour. The OP blackmailed her DP into ironing the dress because she couldn't be arsed.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:36

These comments are majorly bitchy and I just don't get it - is there some kind of mumsnet cliche the OP isn't part of? She said her comment was jokey and since we weren't there so why assume she's lying (we don't know the dynamic of the couple). My DH might well say something like that to me in a jokey way. I wouldn't be at all offended. Also most dresses look fine unironed especially when they've been worn for an hour or so. It's not for all of you to decide whether or not she looks nice with zero information.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/06/2018 17:36

It is lazy but who cares your allowed to be lazy.

What? Why?

Whattheactualfuckmate · 02/06/2018 17:37

Maybe is went along with it because your appearance embarrasses him. What a turn off

upsideup · 02/06/2018 17:38

She asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed her my shirt and said "you have a choice: either you can be the girl who turns up with a guy in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So she's ironing it.

Switched the genders^
YABU, you sound worse than lazy actually

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 02/06/2018 17:38

The way you spoke to him isn’t really coming across nicely amongst us on here, why would you speak to him like that in front of other people?

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2018 17:39

Also lots of dresses don't really need to be ironed and look fine. My best friend doesn't own an iron, her husband wears shirts to work every day and they look fine (I assume they're the non-iron kind). She wears dresses and she looks nice. Stop clutching your pearls!

Right but what exactly has that got to do with a thread where the OP has said her dress was creased and she couldn't be arsed to iron it, despite claiming she likes to look good?

TopofthePops · 02/06/2018 17:39

YABU

I don't understand why you wouldn't be bothered by a creased dress but yet make so much effort with hair and make-upConfused, creased clothing would be the first thing I'd notice, no matter how nice your hair is.

mimibunz · 02/06/2018 17:39

I understand your message but the delivery was aggressive and unkind. Sorry OP. I know my post reads as judgmental. I just feel like bad messages especially in marriages should be delivered in a softer way.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:39

Maybe is went along with it because your appearance embarrasses him. What a turn off

I really can't see what warrants such a nasty comment. I get that it's gathered momentum and on AIBU people love to stick the boot in when everyone else is but it's unpleasant.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 02/06/2018 17:40

YABVU. You are lazy and you take no pride in your appearance despite pretending to.

What’s the point of doing hair, make up etc. for you to look good when you look like shit because of your clothes? It’s like putting glitter on a turd.

It’s laziness and selfishness pure and simple, and the way you spoke to your DH was completely out of order.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 17:41

AllMYSocks
The way op spoke to her dp is disrespectful, joke or not. A lot of women on Mumsnet are very much into the sisterhood but when a woman or man is acting like a Pratt, they will be called on it. Like bluntness, I’m also a grown up and expect to be treated like one.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:45

As a joke it's totally fine, you don't get to police how other people joke around with their partners. If her DH was offended it would be another matter. Obviously he wasn't. My DH can never be arsed to shave but I prefer it when he does, he might well have said to me "I can only be bothered to shave if you do X for me". It would be fine, it's a joke. If I really didn't want to do X I wouldn't. Being a little creased really isn't the end of the world - it'll probably flatten out fairly soon anyway.

Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:45

@AllMYSmellySocks
It's crazy isnt it?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 02/06/2018 17:46

YABVU to buy clothes that need ironing if you’re not prepared to iron them.

I hate ironing. Nothing I own needs ironing!

If you don’t agree with your friend she know she’s 100% wrong then you wouldn’t be asking.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 17:46

Well you and DH can interact any way you both are happy with, that's you business. But spending hours preening on hair and make up and then going out in something that looks like its been screwed up and saying how much you like to make an effort to look nice is ridiculous, and saying that your only concession to DH caring about you looking a mess is DH sorting it is just unkind. You'll just look like you cba, which will reflect on him, but it'll be his fault for not doing your laundry.

LavenderDoll · 02/06/2018 17:47

Fine for partners to iron each other's clothes
But you spoke to him in a patronising way
And I fail to see how if you are happy to wear a creased dress how up you feel you will look good

tattyjade · 02/06/2018 17:47

I would 100% say that to my partner and I know he would read it as "can you do this for me please you gorgeous hunk of a man"
The same way he would say it to me, and I would call him a name, and smile and iron his shirt for him because I love him, and ironing a shirt or a dress for your partner is not biggie! It's just love and kindness?
We have a great relationship and sometimes we're mean to each other, sounds ridiculous but that's how we are!
How you talk to each other in your relationship is totally up to you as long as your both happy, and if he took it well and ironed it for you, that's a win in my eyes!
Also little tip...I don't own an iron, but if something needs a once over I use my hair straighteners hahaha

Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:48

@AllMYSmellySocks
It was literally a joke, said lightheartedly and taken lightheartedly, i said that to him because i know what he's like.

Its like on MN nobody has a casual discussion with their partner. Like i was supposed to say: "DP i would be so grateful if you could iron my dress for your familys event tomorrow. I know how important this is to you and i want to look my absolute best. However i also want to make sure i respect you and honour who you are so please tell me if this isnt something you would feel confortable with."

OP posts:
Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:49

@tattyjade
You said it woman! Thanks for the tip 😊

OP posts:
Branleuse · 02/06/2018 17:51

I think thats quite funny. Nice one for getting him to iron it :D

MaisyPops · 02/06/2018 17:52

Like i was supposed to say: "DP i would be so grateful if you could iron my dress for your familys event tomorrow. I know how important this is to you and i want to look my absolute best. However i also want to make sure i respect you and honour who you are so please tell me if this isnt something you would feel confortable with."
Or, you know, 'Can you iron my dress for me please?' (Leaving aside the fact that you've openly said you'd sooner leave looking a mess rather than pick up an iron yourself).

Pebbles59 · 02/06/2018 17:53

I am openly lazy with house work type things. I just don't buy things that need ironing. I agree how you said it has a lot to do with it.

'DP I really want to wear this dress as I know you like me in it but I really don't feel like ironing, would you mind?'=Okay.

'This is creased to fuck, I don't mind but if you think I'd show you up you'd better iron it, bitch'=not okay.