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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:53

VogueVVague

I'd just ignore the nasty comments. It's an AIBU thing once people have started being nasty it gathers momentum and everyone wants a chance to put the boot in. If your DH knew it was a joke and wasn't offended it's fine. Your image is up to you, people can take pride in different aspects of their appearance - I personally never care about shoes and will wear always wear the least formal I can get away with even though the rest of my outfit is more dressy. Doesn't mean I don't care about my appearance - I just care about it in my own way. As long as your appearance isn't inappropriate for the occasion (and there's no way a loads of bitchy commenters can tell without a photo) then how you look is up to you.

Cherrysherbet · 02/06/2018 17:53

I'm not one for doing piles of ironing in advance. It's strictly on a 'need it to wear today basis'. However, I am the only person in my house to use the iron. If I said this to my Dh, he would definitely go for the 'turning up with the girl in the creased dress' option, and wouldn't give a flying fig 😂 Likewise though, he wouldn't expect me to iron anything for him, and would probably go creased....but I would always do it for him, because I want to.
I would never go out looking creased though, and I have to say I think you were being a tiny bit lazy in this situation op.

MistAmougstElephants · 02/06/2018 17:54

I'm another for not ironing. If he's good at it and gives a shit then all good!

Bet your friend is jealous she has to iron her stuff.

GabsAlot · 02/06/2018 17:55

you like to look good but go out in creased clothes-its a contradiction isnt it

i dont care if people iron or dont but this doesnt make sense

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:56

you like to look good but go out in creased clothes-its a contradiction isn't it

Not really. Creases aren't necessarily particularly noticeable and she obviously feels like she looks good. You may not agree but that's not the point is it?

starsuniteonceagain · 02/06/2018 17:56

Man or woman the sex doesn't matter. The fact is yes you were lazy and yes you were bothered about going out with a creased dress, you should of got off your arse and done it yourself.

DragonMummy1418 · 02/06/2018 17:57

The ironing is a none issue - that's between you and your DH.

Your friend is a rude little cow and she should keep her nose out of your relationship! I'd not be holding a friendship like that in high regard.

robotcartrainhat · 02/06/2018 17:58

youre lazy because you got your husband to iron something for you??
Fuck that for a game of soldiers... do you think for a second any man would be accused of being lazy because his wife had ironed his shirt?

I sometimes iron stuff for my husband and he sometimes irons stuff for me depending on who can be arsed at the time.

If that makes me lazy then I guess im very lazy.

Neither of us iron that much but someone would probably do it if we were going to a wedding or event of some kind

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 18:00

AllMySmelly
And you don’t get to police what others say on here or how they should interpret a post.

Vogue
The advice from tatty is great. Working with, not against a partner. Had your friend said you were lazy after asking your dp in a nice manner, you’d have probably got a pretty universal YANBU.

PorkFlute · 02/06/2018 18:00

Wouldn’t the nice thing to do have been to iron it because you know it would bother your dp rather than give an ultimatum?
YOU don’t care about clothes being creased which is fine if your sat at home but if you’ve been invited to a smart event then it’s good manners not to turn up looking like you don’t give a shit.
So I wouldn’t say it’s lazy. More like you don’t care about people’s feelings other than your own.

Loandbeholdagain · 02/06/2018 18:01

She was being seriously weird. How often do women iron their husbands shirts when the family is going to a wedding, I suspect a fair few!

I also don’t iron. My husband would have done the same and been totally happy with it.

PorkFlute · 02/06/2018 18:03

It’s not a partner doing the ironing that’s the issue. It’s the ultimatum of ‘do this or I’ll embarrass you’. If my dh asked me to iron his shirt like that I’d shove it up his arse!

IncidentalAnarchist · 02/06/2018 18:04

I think that people are reacting against the OP due to her abrasive attitude on other threads

nyebevanshair · 02/06/2018 18:04

I would have done the same - or got my mum to iron it (and I'm 46).

Seriously, ironing is shit and if you can get someone else to do it for then go for it.

midnightmisssuki · 02/06/2018 18:04

I think your friend was just pointing out it was lazy of you - her opinion I suppose. If you didn’t want it then I wouldn’t have told her.

I do find it a little bit lazy not ironing for a wedding though - I wouldnt say it to your face (friend or not) but I would think it.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 02/06/2018 18:04

you like to look good but go out in creased clothes-its a contradiction isnt it

Exactly. Glitter on a turd.

LaurieMarlow · 02/06/2018 18:05

Oh fgs. As if a man would be called lazy for this if the boot was on the other foot. He wouldn't. Hmm

I don't know why anyone could be arsed with it.

robotcartrainhat · 02/06/2018 18:05

but different couples have different senses of humour? Me and my husband might talk to each other like this and find it funny...
Its really none of your friends business.

Silentnighttwo · 02/06/2018 18:07

I’d have to see a photo of the unironed dress to make a decision whether or not UABU.

HyenaHappy · 02/06/2018 18:07

My DH does all my ironing as I hate it.

I do all the cooking as he hates it. Swings and roundabouts.

That said, if you really would rather go to (what sounds like) a smart event with his family in a crumpled dress than just frigging pick up an iron then yes, you are lazy.

I’d be Hmm if DH turned up at say a family or friends wedding in creased trousers because he couldn’t be bothered to iron them himself.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 02/06/2018 18:08

Wow, what a whole load of judgy posts!

I don't iron, I don't have one and never have. I buy clothes that could really do with ironing but I just hang them up until they're not quite as creased any more. They're my clothes and if I want to wear them creased I will! It is perfectly possible to look respectably dressed - and even smartish - in slightly crumpled clothes.

And as for the 'lack of respect' for the DP, what about the DP's respect for how OP wants to look? She's not turning up in a t-shirt with soup down it, odd shoes and a pair of ragged trousers, is she?

lljkk · 02/06/2018 18:08

mmm.. .I am on fence. I can happily wear a creased dress. But I might spend 5 minute ironing to keep DH sweet.

Similar situation: Teen Dd moans about me about how bathroom is dirty. I respond she is free to clean it & she knows where the cleaning materials are. I'm happy with the level of dust in there, the bathroom meets my min. standards. She cleaned it in the end. Am I a slattern? Not that I care. She was bothered, she sorted it.

itsbritneybiatch · 02/06/2018 18:09

I'd of ironed it. Ffs. Five minutes out of your life to make your partner feel more comfortable.

LivingMyBestLife · 02/06/2018 18:09

Your 'joke' comes across as being quite nasty, OP. You knew that your DH would be bothered which is probably why you said it - it wasn't a joke, you knew he'd do it for you. It would be a joke if he didn't mind the creased clothes previously.

I suspect that's what your friend meant.

DragonNoodleCake · 02/06/2018 18:10

DH does most of the ironing in our house too, he likes it and I do the washing/drying. It's our split.

However, I'd say, "DH could you please iron this dress so I can wear it today?"

Please and thank you go a long way in making people feel appreciated for what they do for you.