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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
HyenaHappy · 02/06/2018 18:13

It is perfectly possible to look respectably dressed - and even smartish - in slightly crumpled clothes.

No it isn’t. Crumpled clothes cannot look smart.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 18:14

BrightYellowDaffodil
Wow, what a whole load of judgy posts!

I suggest you advance search the op on other threads. The way I and others are interpreting the interaction between op and her dp have a lot to do with how abrasive she’s been on other threads.

InfiniteSheldon · 02/06/2018 18:16

My dh does all our ironing he's better at it than me but I generally ask nicely

Daisydukes79 · 02/06/2018 18:18

Less lazy, more disrespectful if that's the way you asked him

Popc0rn · 02/06/2018 18:18

Well written down on here, without context or an understanding about how communication in your relationship usually is, then yes, you come across as lazy (and rude to your DP).

But if it's just how you are with each other, then each to their own I guess, but why did you bother making it an AIBU thread if you're 100% sure that you weren't being unreasonable Confused

Footballmumofthefuture · 02/06/2018 18:18

@SoddingUnicorns
I didnt realise only married women counted as women.

^^This.

But I probably would have stuck it in the dryer lol!

DuchyDuke · 02/06/2018 18:20

Dh does the ironing in my house too

bubbles108 · 02/06/2018 18:21

Your friend's giving her opinion

The fact that it bothers you enough to ask an AIBU means, to me, that you know that you're lacking in care for DPs feelings

sonjadog · 02/06/2018 18:23

It sounds like an entirely normal interaction between a couple. Presumably you do do stuff at home and he doesn't do everything? In that case, ironing can be his thing and your thing can be something else...

Sweetpea55 · 02/06/2018 18:25

I like to look good
Well obviously you dont as you wouldn't be going out all creased,

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2018 18:25

I don't believe you give a shit about looking good, OP, as nobody could possibly think it genuinely looks good to be immaculately done up but then to shove on a crumpled dress. And I do believe it's lazy not to iron a dress that is creased. I wouldn't have a problem with what you said, though, as it's clearly normal banter between you and your dh and it's up to you whether you want to look good or not.

bourbonbiccy · 02/06/2018 18:32

I don't think that not liking ironing is unreasonable ( I can't remember the last time I had the iron out) and I don't think your hubby ironing your dress for you is unreasonable. I think the way you spoke to your hubby and the general attitude of you in this situation is definitely unreasonable.
But you and your hubby obviously have that kind of relationship and if you are both happy it is no one else's business but if I were your friend and actually being there while you spoke to him like that, I would have been embarrassed and excused myself.

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2018 18:33

Ps your make up, hair and dress would probably all be mildly messed up shortly after you arrived, anyway, but at least it would all happen together - turn up with the dress already creased and I would wonder why you had given a shit about your hair and make up in the first place.

jade9390 · 02/06/2018 18:39

I have ME so do not waste time doing things which are not essential as I am in agony. A friend called me lazy as I could not to do a 10 mile sponsored walk for charity when I was barely making it to the corner shop, needless to say they are not my friend anymore as they cannot possibly understand. Obviously, your case is not as extreme but the point is, I have become less judgemental, would never name call and am more understanding. I would never call anyone lazy and would only say or do something if were neglecting their children and putting them at risk, little things do not matter.

MaisyPops · 02/06/2018 18:39

How often do women iron their husbands shirts when the family is going to a wedding, I suspect a fair few!
It's not about a man doing the ironing!!!
DH irons some of my stuff when he does his work shirts. I hate ironing.

I wouldn't speak to DH the way the OP spoke to hers because if I want something ironing then I either do it myself or ask DH to do it.
What i wouldn't do is decide I'm too lazy to do it myself but I know it will annoy DH, so I'll tell him he has 2 choices:

  1. Iron it for me
  2. I'll go out with it creased
The OP was relying on her DP's embarrassment at going out with someone who could be arsed to do makeup, but not run an iron over a dress to get a task done for her. It's lazy and a little manipulative.

To speak to your partner like that in front of friends is also not on either.

Oh but it's 'banter' and 'a joke' so obviously it's a woman having a laugh and kudos to her for getting her fella to iron.

Meanwhile if a man spoke to his wife that way in front of his mates, he'd be (rightly!) ripped apart and people would be saying that claims of i was just joking darling was a way to explain away disrespectful behaviour.

Candyflip · 02/06/2018 18:48

If you don’t iron, why do you buy clothes that need ironing?

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 18:49

jade
I have ME too. Your ex friend is a bitch. At the moment I can’t make it to the corner shop. My brother threatened to deck me and hit me on more than one occasion because I couldn’t help my mother cook as I was collapsed and unable to move. He also was violent toward me a couple of times. Needless to say we are nc. Some people are arseholes.

Ohyesiam · 02/06/2018 18:49

I would say stroppy more than lazy. But things can sound different written down, and maybe you didn’t sound stroppy when you said it.

Timeissliplingaway · 02/06/2018 18:51

I hate ironing so I get it. I generally only iron uniforms and shirts 😂

EdWinchester · 02/06/2018 18:52

My dh irons stuff for me far more than the other way around.

But I wouldn’t speak to him like that.

Oldraver · 02/06/2018 18:53

I woulDn't call you lazy for not wanting to iron

I would call you a cow for how you spoke to your OH

RideOn · 02/06/2018 18:53

It is generally accepted that a non creased dress looks better than creased (if there were 2 versions of the dress 1 creased 1 not, you would have picked the ironed one) so you were a bit lazy not doing it.

I'm ok with that and don't iron 99% as I don't care enough. If my DH cared and it was more his event I might ask him to iron it, but probably not in the same words you did! However we have ways of speaking which we don't use in front of other people, sometimes it's ridiculous exaggerating, which would sound rude to other people. It's really not.

Sweetpea55 · 02/06/2018 18:55

Loads of us hate ironing, It can be a rear end pain
I worked with someone who wouldnt iron any of her clothes so consistently looked a bloody mess.
OP cant have much respect for her DP if she issues an ultimatum like that, in front of a friend .How embarrassing for him

Matilda15 · 02/06/2018 19:01

I think it depends on whether your DP was offended or not? If not and taken in jest then fine Yanbu however if he was embarrassed and made to feel small then yabu.

BlueJava · 02/06/2018 19:06

You sound a bit immature and perhaps a bit of a show off? Personally I'd iron my stuff if it was horribly creased and I was going to a family event without making a big deal of it.