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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
Original poster
VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:13

It was said jokingly, he took it jokingly in the spirit it was meant, he doesnt kind ironing, i just thought it was weird of my friend to get all mental about it because there was clearly no friction between me and DP and im sure plenty of women iron their partners shirts.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/06/2018 17:15

You do sound like a lazy pain in the arse, tbh! You say you like to look good yet if the dress looks better ironed then why not just bloody iron it? Otherwise, you really aren't looking good, are you?

Just because it's a woman saying it to a man, rather than the other way around, it doesn't mean the person isn't lazy and entitled.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/06/2018 17:15

I hate ironing but I hate looking a creased mess more.

40isnew50 · 02/06/2018 17:15

I don't think it is lazy I think it is a personal choice to not take pride in your appearance. If you don't want to look presentable in public that is your choice. If I was your DP I would have told you to make an effort or stay at home.

MaisyPops · 02/06/2018 17:16

It sounds rude and lazy to me.

You're going to an event. Even if you don't like ironing (I hate it btw), it's not asking too much to iron it. The way you spoke to ypur DP was rude in my opinion. Others are right, if a man spoke to his wife like that over ironing a shirt then people would be annoyed, and rightly so.

I'm with your friend.

DevonshireCreamTea · 02/06/2018 17:18

I'm inclined to agree with your friend. Your poor DP.

speakout · 02/06/2018 17:19

Are you drunk OP?

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2018 17:19

What I don't understand is in one breath you say you like to look good and in another you say you were prepared to wear a creased up dress to an event.

That's never a good look.

If I were you and I really couldn't be bothered to run an iron over it, I would have picked another outfit that wasn't creased if I wanted to look good.

KittenBeast · 02/06/2018 17:20

Reverse the genders of the OP, there'd be outrage. YABU.

Whereisthecoffee · 02/06/2018 17:22

My dp makes the cups of tea every morning I never do and will only stretch to it on birthdays. I also think that your tone is light hearted with him your friend needs to chill.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/06/2018 17:23

Oh it's you.
Totally lazy. If a man said that to his wife there'd be uproar on here.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 17:23

Another ridiculous thread from VogueVVague. 🙄. What you said was not jokey, it was passive aggressive. If my dh had said that to me I’d have told him where to go. As is, he would ask me to iron something specific.

CassandraCross · 02/06/2018 17:24

Agree Worra no-one looks good in creased clothes no matter how well done the hair and make-up and the only thing people will remember is the creased outfit.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 17:25

Dfod with your “all mental about it”. Horrible language.

triwarrior · 02/06/2018 17:27

You do sound lazy.

e1y1 · 02/06/2018 17:29

Does sound a bit lazy to be fair. Not so much that you don’t like ironing (who does?) but the “ultimatum” you have your DH.

It shouldn’t happen, but people are judged by their appearance and wearing a dress that’s creased to an event just shows “I can’t be arsed being well turned out for you (husband or host)”

Same would happen in a job interview, you could be the best candidate in the world, but turning up in scruffy clothes will destroy any chances, again it’s not the clothesor the fact they’re creased, it’s the message it conveys (I can’t be arsed).

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:31

God threads like these remind me why I intermittently leave MN. Of course OP isn't lazy because she doesn't iron (I actually know loads of people who don't own irons!). She's obviously making an effort to look nice for the event and you have absolutely no idea how the division of chores work in her house. Most houses only one partner ever irons (if anyone irons at all).

ButchyRestingFace · 02/06/2018 17:31

I think you are lazy. As am I, haven't ironed anything in years. Grin But then, I try to buy clothes that don't look need to be ironed.

Your response to your husband was obnoxious.

Highhorse1981 · 02/06/2018 17:31

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

Contradiction

MaisyPops · 02/06/2018 17:32

My dp makes the cups of tea every morning I never do and will only stretch to it on birthdays. I also think that your tone is light hearted with him your friend needs to chill.
When it's essentially 'iron me my dress or I will go out with it creased and looking unpresentable so you can lump it' then that goes from being funny to lazy.

Funny is DH saying 'Oh Maisy, shall I take the bin out, you know seeing as it's full (and you're clearly ignoring it because it's raining and you cba to go out)?'
Not funny would be DH deciding he can't be arsed to iron and he tells me i either iron his shirt or should suck it up and he'll go out looking a mess. The latter isn't acceptable as it's relying on my embarrassment to get me to do a job for him. I'd happily iron him a shirt if he said 'Maisy can you do me a shirt please?'

It's telling some posters (possibly thr OP) have compared this situation to but many women iron their DH's shirts. It's not about doing the ironing, it's the attitude.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2018 17:33

She's obviously making an effort to look nice for the event

No she isn't Confused

If she dug out something to wear that wasn't creased, then she would be.

AllMYSmellySocks · 02/06/2018 17:33

Also lots of dresses don't really need to be ironed and look fine. My best friend doesn't own an iron, her husband wears shirts to work every day and they look fine (I assume they're the non-iron kind). She wears dresses and she looks nice. Stop clutching your pearls!

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 02/06/2018 17:33

You sound lazy and entitled and joking or not it's a crap way to talk to a spouse.

Creased clothes look a mess so completely contradicts the looking nice. Creased clothes never look good, they just show a persons true colours i.e. I'm lazy and don't give a damn.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 17:33

Well the fact you proactively mentioned it shows you do care. And you wanted him to iron it for you.

I don't iron either. On the very rare occasion something needs it, then I do it myself. I woildnt threaten to go to my husbands families do looking a state to get him to iron it for me.

Because I'm not a bitch to him and I'm all grown up.

Rainbunny · 02/06/2018 17:34

I hate ironing with a passion but I must admit I don't understand your thinking OP? You would be happy to go to all the effort to do hair and makeup but then still look messy because your clothes are creased? Invest in a small clothes steamer, it's a life saver especially on a weekday morning.

If your DH is happy to do the ironing for you then who cares what anyone else says, on the other hand if he's like my DM who ends up doing all the ironing because she knows that my DF wouldn't care how messy he looks. It's effectively on her to make sure he looks presentable. She resents him for it.

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