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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend called me lazy - aibu?

277 replies

VogueVVague · 02/06/2018 17:01

So im going to an event held by my DP's family.

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

DP is much more image conscious than me.

He asked me what i was wearing to the event and i showed him my dress and said "you have a choice: either you can be the guy who turns up with a girl in a creased dress or you can iron it for me".

So he's ironing it.

Friend was here for this and said it was one of the laziest things she had heard it a long time and kept going on about my "poor" DP. Hmm

AIBU?

The point was i dont give a shit if the dress is creased.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 02/06/2018 19:09

your friend is probably jealous Grin

i'm guessing your dh knew you weren't taking the piss, i think it was rather sweet of him to iron it for you

Racecardriver · 02/06/2018 19:11

You can either iron your clothes or buy fabrics that don't need ironing. Ironing is pretty much the most essential part of personal grooming after brushing teeth and hair.

TheFirstMrsDV · 02/06/2018 19:17

The people saying that no one would call a man lazy for not ironing a shirt...seriously?

AIBU my OH just walked in the room and said 'either you are the girl walking into a party with a boy in a crumpled shirt or you are going to iron it....'

OMLORDY the bunfight that would ensue! Shock

I don't think you are lazy. I think you sound bloody rude and spoiled.
If my OH said that to me I would tell him to fuck off and wear his crumpled shirt

SoddingUnicorns · 02/06/2018 19:20

@VogueVVague I meant given that you’re old enough to be married it’s unlikely you’re still a girl. Hmm I’m a woman and unmarried, so your point isn’t really valid is it?

SoddingUnicorns · 02/06/2018 19:20

And yes, what the comment above mine says sums it up perfectly for me.

MaisyPops · 02/06/2018 19:31

your friend is probably jealous
Funnily enough someone started a thread recently about how women seem to explain away any challenge of their attitude or actions as simply other women 'being jealous'.

The friend doesn't sound jealous.
The friend seems stunned that a grown adult would speak to their partner in such a way rather than do a simple task themselves or ask politely.

theDudesmummy · 02/06/2018 19:41

I get my DH to iron things for me if I need them (have an ironing service, but if I need something specific he will do it for me). I am terrible at ironing. There are other things he is no good at, which will I do for him. Non-issue.

keyboardkate · 02/06/2018 19:47

Ah come on now.

How could you have yourself all dolled up and wear a CREASED DRESS! Just shouts "no pride in my appearance, not worried about showing up DH, I don't care"

I don't believe you will wear the dress creased. Anyway.

I cannot remember the last time I ironed anything TBH, but no children here now. DH will do his own shirts and suits are left in dry cleaners.

I buy all my clothes with a view to a "no iron policy" lol. That's why I prefer to buy off the peg rather than online. I scrunch the material of the item I am interested in, and if there is a hint of a crease, back it goes. Plenty of other options. And most things if hung up when dry will not need ironing anyway.

Enjoy the party! Creased dress or not...

yorkshireyummymummy · 02/06/2018 19:50

It doesn’t matter if you do your hair and makeup beautifully, your nails look fab and you waft in on a cloud of Chanel No5 - if your dress is unironed and creased you will look a mess and that will be the only thing people notice and remember.
I think you are lazy and rude to your husband. Like previous posters have said, if the boot was on the other foot there would be hell on........

LilQueenie · 02/06/2018 19:52

I don't iron, doesn't change who I am. who cares go as you are. Anyone who looks down on you over a crease or two isn't worth the trouble.

LoniceraJaponica · 02/06/2018 19:53

I like to look good but there are some things i just cannot be fucked with and ironing is one of them.

Well that’s a contradiction I terms isn’t it? Making an effort with hair, nails and make up and then wearing a crumpled dress Hmm
Yes, I would class that as lazy.
I don’t understand the badge of honour mumsnetters claim for not ironing clothes that require it. No matter how much effort you put into looking good a crumpled outfit will let you down.

“Creases aren't necessarily particularly noticeable”

It depends on the outfit, and how noticeable they are. I wear a lot of cotton. Creased cotton is not a good look IMO.

If OH didn’t do his own ironing I wouldn’t see it as a reflection on me though. It would just make him look lazy, not me.

Mashandbangers · 02/06/2018 19:55

I don’t iron. Ever. Don’t think I even own one. Everything gets hung over the bath until the creases fall out, occasionally use hair straighteners for collars 😂
But wouldn’t expect anyone to iron for me...

MakeItRain · 02/06/2018 20:01

I think it depends on how you meant it, and I can't really work it out from your post. If it was a jokey/affectionate way of getting your dh to iron your dress, and that's the way you speak to each other, then I would say yanbu.
If however you were saying "I don't care how I look, but if you do you'd better iron my dress" and your dh clearly did mind, as he ironed it, then I think your friend had a point and yabu.

readyforapummelling · 02/06/2018 20:04

Is this the white dress you posted about last Monday? To the major event hosted by ILs this weekend?

The "perfect" dress that was "made for you?"

Why would you go to so much effort finding a dress, starting a thread on said dress, then not ironing the bleeding thing???

greendale17 · 02/06/2018 20:11

Yeah that is lazy. If your DP spoke to you like that and it was reported back here, there would be carnage. Someone would break out the dick comment within ooh 3 posts.

^This. And yes you sound like an arrogant show off

WilburIsSomePig · 02/06/2018 20:12

Well the whole who irons what makes no difference to me but, in my opinion, going out to an event where you feel you need to make an effort would mean, well, making an effort. Creased clothes never look good and would spoil the look of your whole outfit.

I hate ironing and frequently have unironed tee shirts etc., but if I'm 'making an effort' my clothes would be ironed.

welshmist · 02/06/2018 20:15

I loathe ironing, my dresses tend to be the ones that do not need ironing for that reason. But I would iron something that needed it if I was going to a family get together.

Echobelly · 02/06/2018 20:27

Fact is, I'm rubbish at ironing... I would probably ask DH to do it if it was important for something to look really neat, but I don't think that makes me lazy.

SandAndSea · 02/06/2018 20:39

OP, I'm with you on this. I'm pretty sure I haven't ironed anything in over 10 years. I don't have an ironing board any more but did keep the iron just in case. Some years ago, we went to a wedding and my dp v kindly ironed my outfit.

I have had a similar situation when a friend told me that it was "my job" to do my dp's ironing. I was astounded by this. I consider myself to be his best friend and greatest support, but have never thought to include ironing in that.

SandAndSea · 02/06/2018 20:44

Just to add... It does depend how you say it though. It needs to be with humour, kindness and connection (not arsey).

Ariesgirl1988 · 02/06/2018 20:47

I admire your confidence cos whilst I hate ironing I would iron a dress for a special occasion but if hubby was happy to do it then that's between you and him your friend should've minded her own business and I would have told her so

Moleskinediary · 02/06/2018 20:57

Just dry clean everything. Much simpler.

Bluetowelly · 02/06/2018 20:58

I think your friend should butt out and she sounds a bit rude and judgemental.

I also think it’s a bit off to tell others how “good” your DP is and how you “won”

I HATE it when people tell me about how they got one over on person X or person Y - it always makes me think they’ve got something to prove.

Let your private relationship dynamics evolve as they will - don’t tell others about them.

ScattyCharly · 02/06/2018 21:01

Well I don’t iron anything because it’s a waste of life. If you don’t want to iron, op, you need to buy smarter. Dresses ought to be able to hang straight out of the washing machine and not require ironing.

I don’t think what you said to your dp was great actually. If the dress needed ironing, you had 2 options:

  1. iron it yourself
  2. ask dp to iron it, but not phrased as some sort of ultimatum. Eg could you iron my dress please as I’m knackered
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/06/2018 21:05

Creased clothes do not look ok in any way. You look scruffy and unkempt.