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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:
PonderLand · 02/06/2018 00:08

We put my sons money from family in his junior ISA if they ask us to. We wouldn't spend it on clothes/holiday costs. Could you ask the person who gifted your son the money?

Usually when our grandparents/greatGP gift my son money they say 'here's £ for his bank account' or 'here's £ to spend on something you think he'll like'.

KurriKurri · 02/06/2018 00:15

What's it got to do with MIL?
If people give you money for your baby's birthday, it's totally up to you whether you save it or spend it on her now - you make that decision because she's only one year old.
If people give you money with the specific instruction to save it for her, then maybe your MILhas a point. but since you asked not to give toys they wouldpresumably have given a gift but sent money instead so you could get her what she needs with it, or pay to take her out etc.

MIL needs to pop her beak away.

DuchyDuke · 02/06/2018 00:20

I agree with your mil. Holiday clothes and bits and bobs should be funded by you, not the child. Her money, until she is ready to spend it, should go into a separate account.

CheshireChat · 02/06/2018 00:28

Could you afford to pay for those things yourself?

Then you're being U I'm afraid.

You'll need to entertain her regardless and she doesn't really need fancy clothes at 1, they're 100% for your benefit so you should absolutely at least cover them.

Dvg · 02/06/2018 00:34

I'd deffo be saving it all, she will be grateful for it in the future if she can get a deposit for her own house or first car/license or a wedding or if she gets pregnant. Would help more than clothes or anything else at her age will help.

Original poster
Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:35

Maybe she's right regarding clothes etc but we also planned on taking her to a water park and zoo with the money (something we wouldn't be able to afford otherwise) is it still unreasonable to do this? Not being funny just genuinely want to know. Also some family members did request that money be put in to her bank account which is what we did as it's their present to her. However mil doesn't like that it's in savings account rather than her isa as it can be withdrawn (not that we would). The only reason it's not in her isa is that my siblings and I pay in to her isa weekly for her 18th birthday present. It's something we've all done for each other's kids so don't think it would be right to add other people's money in as then it wouldn't be our present to them IYSWIM?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 02/06/2018 00:37

Would you need to pay to take a 1 year old to a water park? Some clothes ok plenty of people would gift clothes, but not so much a day out at that age

HateTheDF · 02/06/2018 00:38

She's only 1 though, she won't remember the zoo or the water park. Will her money be paying for all of you to go or just her?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 00:39

So are you using you're daughters birthday money to fund day trips out That really are more for you?
I probably wouldn't bother with zoo and water parks at that age if you can't afford it, she'll have no living memory and will be just as happy in the hotel pool

LovingLola · 02/06/2018 00:39

When we got money for our children it went into their own accounts.
We would not have spent it on clothes/outings for them.

GnomeDePlume · 02/06/2018 00:41

I would say that water park and zoo are totally wasted on a 1 year old anyway. Using DD's birthday money to pay for you and your DH's entrance fee doesn't seem right to me.

HarshingMyMellow · 02/06/2018 00:42

What enjoyment would a one year old get out of a water park?

The zoo I understand but I think the water park is for you, so I wouldn't spend her money on that at all.

Put it away while you can, in a few years she'll be telling you how she wants to spend it!

dontquit · 02/06/2018 00:47

I think you should do whatever you want with it. Ultimately it all works out the same in the end doesn't it. If there's a shortfall in her savings account down the line won't you end up paying for it then ie. Helping with college funding, accommodation, getting set up for life.
I save every mth for my dcs. When they are gifted money sometimes it goes in their account, other times I spend it on stuff they need or toys etc.

springbluebells · 02/06/2018 00:49

We have sometimes used the birthday money for special experiences... I see no problem with that. I'm sure you will have an amazing day at the water park. Do what you think will make your little one happy and if your MIL remains outraged then next time she can give a gift instead...

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 00:51

And as an aside if your house looks like a toy shop too the extent that you want moiety for her presents which you then need to spend on clothes and day trips because you can't afford them, maybe look at what you're spending your money on. She doesn't need a house full of toys if it comes at the cost of you not being able to afford other stuff

Dopplerineffect · 02/06/2018 01:01

And as an aside if your house looks like a toy shop too the extent that you want moiety for her presents which you then need to spend on clothes and day trips because you can't afford them, maybe look at what you're spending your money on. She doesn't need a house full of toys if it comes at the cost of you not being able to afford other stuff

I agree with this but also spend it on what you like it is nobody else’s business. I know people who had to spend their kids money to pay for food and bills but they alwaypay their kids back in the end.

Too many people on here that have never felt the pinch and life is so binary to them.

quizqueen · 02/06/2018 01:04

If you asked for no toys and got money instead, I don't think your relatives would expect you to use it to buy adult tickets to a water park or zoo with it. If you can afford a holiday, you would have already factored in spending money. I give my grandchildren holiday spending money, I wouldn't be very happy if my children used birthday money I had also given to subsidize their holiday spending. Does it really matter what source the ISA money comes from? If you are putting in the full whack annually then you can certainly afford to pay for the water park/zoo yourselves. If you are not reaching the annual limit then surely every bit helps towards your child's future. Sounds like you want to raid the piggy bank to me.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 01:05

Doppler I have felt the pinch which is why I'm saying if you can't afford a day trip and holiday clothes, but have bought a house dull of toys, maybe look at that. My DH would find that comment amusing as I clearly buy stuff for DS to make up for everything I've failed him in but I know realistically he doesn't need it all and he'd be better with that money saved.

Original poster
Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 01:06

It's not that we can't afford clothes, there just happens to be very nice baby shops where we are going and I wouldn't normally splash out on expensive outfits but thought it would be a nice way to spend her birthday money so she has something to show for both her holiday and her birthday. And we can afford days out too it's just that we wouldn't be able to afford them on top of a holiday. As for the toys, as previously mentioned we have very generous family and friends who love to spoil Dd. She received a rocking horse, an electric ride in car and a trike amongst other things for Easter which is lovely but we live in a very modest two bedroom house which is why I asked for no presents for her birthday.
Oh and also for those saying the water park would be for me, I can't swim and hate water so definitely not Grin
Also her money wouldn't be paying for me and DP to do these things, just herself and probably some tat that she would no doubt scream for ha

OP posts:
RedDwarves · 02/06/2018 01:10

I agree with your MIL.

It should be saved. It's your DD's money and she should have a say in what it's used for in the future.

It's not your money to use on things, even if those things are "for" DD.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2018 01:11

So you can afford two adult tickets but not the tiny charge you'll pay for a 1 yo.

If you want to buy her clothes then do so, people happily gift clothes. If you want her to pay for her own entry then keep the tickets as a memento perhaps.

I would use her money for general spending money to spend on tat. That's what your money is for.

Takfujuimoto · 02/06/2018 01:13

I think YABU to use her money to pay for a day out that you have chosen to do for her, surely if you can use your own money to pay for yourselves then it's not much of a push to pay for your own DD?

I think to spend some of it on a few nice outfits it's fine but most if not all of it would go into her bank account/savings if it were my DD.

What did you and her father get her for her birthday?

RedDwarves · 02/06/2018 01:13

Also, surely things like the zoo and water park are free for a 1 year old?

Original poster
Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 01:19

@takfujuimoto I don't see how what me and DP got her for her birthday is of any consequence but she got a swing set, a tent and we put money in to her isa .

Also if these things are free then I suppose this post is a bit pointless as we'll be taking her. We could afford to take her anyway but would mean not doing something else as we can't afford to do everything

OP posts:
AbsentmindedWoman · 02/06/2018 01:22

It's more sensible to save it - she'll thank you when she wants driving lessons or similar! What about saving most of it but spending £50 on a few extras on the holiday like the zoo or a cute dress or whatever?

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