To spend Dd's birthday money

[Icantthinkofagoodname]

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

I don't think you were wrong to want to, as you'd asked for no toys etc. Our families give DD birthday money and say to use it to buy things for her from them (toys, clothes etc). They like to know what we've bought and it saves them shopping and carting it across the country to us. But if they said it was for her savings account I'd respect that.

Well you now know not to discuss matters like this with your MIL.

If they have specifically said "this is for savings" then fair enough but if you're talking about a collection of tenners popped in cards then crack on with your zoo visit and a lovely outfit for your child.

Ignore the people on here acting like you've got a bloody swag bag and a mask on. You're hardly blowing it on booze and strippers.

I would save it.

But for DC2 birthday I asked for cash to buy clothes over the coming year, rather than having to store clothes for her to grow into and forget about them 😂 it worked really well!

This is one of the reasons I stopped giving cash to children, the parents see it as their money and use it for all sorts. Clothes and days out (although one year olds go free everywhere pretty much) should be funded by the parents.

I'd have either put the money in her account until she was old enough to shop for herself in a few years or purchased new toys with it that will see her through the next year of her life once past the baby stage.

In principle YANBU. When mine were toddlers I would use birthday money for good shoes and send a picture to the giver to say thank you. I see no point in a child having money but the family struggling. Unless they specified it was for savings it's up to you what to do with the money.

Now mine are older, I think spending it on an experience is absolutely fine - it should be spent on something you wouldn't normally do as a family. A real treat.
That said, at 1 years old you could buy a balloon they'd be happy as Larry so I wouldn't call a waterpark as their birthday treat. In your shoes I would compromise and spend a bit on your holiday and put the rest away.
Ultimately it is none of your MILs business and in future don't tell her what you are doing with any cash gifts she gives your DD. As PP have said, £200 will probably only buy a meal out when she is 18.
You could always have a clear out when you get home and stick some toys on ebay. Put that money in her ISA and everyone is happy.

No it is not your money to spend OP and at that age DD won't get anything out of zoo and water park visits. Grandparents can open grandparent saving accounts and if i was your MIL i would do so in order to protect your DDs money from you squandering it.

None of anyones business. As long as it's spent on DD, do whatever you like with it.

Having got 2 young adults myself, I agree with this, and everything that hellooie said. Once people have gifted money, it is none of their business what happens to it. My DC have got a reasonable lump sum built up, made up of gifts over the years and us saving for them, increasingly the latter as we could afford more when no childcare. They haven't got a clue what % was gifted originally, or was from us. Neither have I for that matter!

If you werent saving anything, I would say you were being unreasonable, but given you have an ISA set up, she will have a good lump sum anyway at 18, other savings will be a bonus but equally might get blown on alcohol or drugs by her! Not all 18yo are sensible.

And to those saying you must have plenty of money to save in an ISA, the monthly limit in a junior ISA is just over 300, not much when split between Op and siblings.

I hope that if I am ever a grandma, I will not specify what any present money is spent on. If they want to do that, let them open a separate savings account for her that they control?

Go and enjoy your holiday and get her some nice clothes!

The money is for her birthday in lui if gifts. It's to spend on her however you (she) like so long as it is something that even fits her surely.

I actually don't send money as birthday/Christmas gifts where I think the parents just save it in a bank account. That's not what I'm sending the money for. I'd be sending in because I wasn't able to get a physical gift to them usually.

When dd has received birthday and Christmas money she has spent it within a few months of receiving it. Normally very soon after receiving it, unless she/we were saving up for something larger. Thank you note thank the sender and let them know what she had bought.

I don't remember the holiday I went on at one, but I know the photos that were taken and the memories of it that my parents have spoken about over the years. I don't see anything wrong with using some of the money for some nice days out. She may not remember it, but that doesn't mean she won't enjoy it right now. My one year old recently had a wonderful time at the zoo, and I will definitely be telling her which animals she loved at that age and how she reacted to seeing them. Life is for living.

She's only 1 though, she won't remember the zoo or the water park

I never really understand this thinking. Should we never do anything nice with little ones just because they won't have a memory of it in years to come? What about if they just enjoy it at the time? Not everything has to be done for memories, it's nice to do things just for the moment too.

Don't worry, it won't happen again. Next year, she'll get a toy she already has, or clothing that you find hideous, and that will be that. I too would be annoyed to think that money I've given, not by choice but because I was told not to buy toys should go on things that I would expect the parents to pay for routinely and just wouldn't do it again.

I always let my children spend their birthday money and when they were little I bought them things with it like clothes or toys. If they get cheques, I pay it into their accounts but cash is theirs to spend

YABU. Why fritter it away on things she won't even remember? I'm 30 and the only way I was able to afford a house deposit was because my mum and dad saved every penny of birthday money etc in an account for us.

I'm going against the grain here, I think YANBU. People who gave a gift specifying it should be saved then fair enough to follow their wishes. For the rest of the money then do what's best for you as a family. Birthday money is for fun/treats. £200 probably isn't going to have a massive impact on her life in the future, by the time she gets to 18/21.

I'm all for saving for a rainy day and for a better future but not completely at the expense of the now.

She may not remember the zoo when she's older but she will get something from it at the time, surely that's important too?

If the giver explicitly states either in person or in the card that the money is 'to treat DS' then we buy him a toy or books. Otherwise it goes in his savings. I don't think you should spend the money on fancy clothes, how does that benefit a one year old? Assuming she already has enough normal clothes?

A relative of DHs has always bought for my 2, as my inlaws bought for her children.

When she had grandchildren I couldn't keep up with sending individual birthday presents but instead give the mum some money when we see her, or send a cheque, as a joint gift.

Last year she wrote a thank you saying it had been used for a day trip out. That was fine, I don't specify what it is for, she can save or spend it as she sees fit, and I had actually said that when giving her it last year.

She is a single mum whose DH contributes v minimum maintenance, so I am guessing a trip out was a treat for them.

I think it totally depends on what the expectations were of the gift givers. My aunt often gives money for our children with an explicit instruction to treat them. I either take them out somewhere for lunch / day trip out, or buy them holiday clothes, or something they want that I might ordinarily say no too. Mine are older but to everyone saying a one year old won't remember, does it really matter if she has a great day at the time?!

If someone gave money saying to put it aside for the future I would of course do that. But usually family give money instead of a gift (which would have been toy, book or clothes) and they basically ask me/DH to spend on their behalf (when they are young, as they got older they can go to the shops themse and choose something).

Personally, I wouldn't spend my daughter's birthday money. I fund all her clothing, days out etc and will do until she's an adult that can afford to find herself. One day, probably age 21, I will give her access to her ISA and she can use all her birthday money (and mostly other money from her parents) to spend on something she really wants. Until that day, the ISA money won't be touched by anyone and if relatives and friends would like to pay into for her, I think that's wonderful! I don't see anything wrong with giving older children pocket money/ holiday spends/ a bit of birthday cash but that will be funded by us... unless someone specifically gave her cash to spend as she pleased but I can't imagine that happening until she's quite a bit older!

Does your mil know about your families isa arrangements?
Perhaps she feels like her family money is being used in place of parental money and that your dd will have no memory of the experience whereas your family money is like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow untouchable and wow!look what we have done for you?
I dont know but maybe open an account or isa so that money from dhaide can be saved as well that was your dd knows both sides did lots for her.
Any money we get for our girls is saved, they are almost 3 and 5 so still at an age where we pay everything anyway but it's of more use saved as we can manage the every day costs. However every family is different so do what you wish or say to dh family they can set up an account/trustfund for your dd in future that way if they want it spent they will give it to her or saved into a trustfund.
In the meantime enjoy your holiday.

You should do what you like with it. I spend my son’s money (on him) throughout the year; my personal view is that I wouldn’t spend it on clothes because that’s something a parent should provide for anyway (Financial issues notwithstanding) so I spend mine on days out and one off treats throughout the year like paddling pool for the summer etc.

Don’t understand this obsession with sticking it in a savings account that some older relatives seem to have...

1. it’s a birthday / Christmas present for now not for when she’s 18 so should be used on things she would like now and
2. £200 now will be worth a hell of a lot more than £200 in the future, even with the little interest it will gather

I don't see anything wrong with it tbh.
She'll enjoy it at the time, so what if she won't remember it.

YABU.

Your one year old daughter doesn't care about having nice clothes. As long as she's warm and comfortable she's happy.

In the future she will want and need it more.

Also your daughter won't remember going to the Zoo or a water park. It would be for your benefit.

My parents took me to the zoo for my first birthday. Obviously I don't remember a thing but it gave them a nice memory.

Why fritter it away on things she won't even remember?

As someone said further up the thread, life is not just about remembering things, but about enjoying and living in the moment.

Yes, your DD may need a house deposit, maybe money for a car, uni etc, but that doesn't mean every single penny has to be saved.

This has been brought home to us sharply in the last month. My niece, beneficiary in a relatives will a couple of years ago, as were my DC, died suddenly and unexpectedly in early 20s. Unlike ourselves, who have experience of investments so are guiding our kids in how to save/ invest their money, my niece didn't have that. Her parents aren't v money savvy and we aren't particulary close to them due to my DB's actions in years gone by.

DB is now sorting her affairs and it seems she frittered quite a bit of the money, not surprisingly. Too much too young and with no advise.

Whilst she would, I am sure, have regretted it had she lived and wanted a house, my thought at the moment is that she did get some joy from it whilst alive, going on holidays she wouldn't have otherwise afforded and treating the many friends she had.

While tragedies such as ours are rare, it has highlighted how short life can be, therefore must be lived, its not just about planning for the future, as important as that is.