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AIBU?

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Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:
snewname · 02/06/2018 09:55

I think the issue is you're paying for you and your husband to go to these things with her money. It's not your child's entrance costs. It will be yours.
So what? If it enables the child to have fun doing something that otherwise wouldn't be affordable, then the child is benefiting.
This is a perfect way to spend the money, unless it's been specifically requested that it goes into savings.

Randomname234 · 02/06/2018 09:57

There some miserable people on here! So babies and toddlers should just sit inside all day because they won't remember?

Water parks and zoos are all great for her development. Even at a young age its important to be exposed to these experiences.

If you couldn't otherwise afford to go then go! It is for your DD. Maybe spend 100, save 100. A little compromise. But I really don't see the problem at all. She's already being saved for and she'll enjoy an experience she wouldnt normally have.

ThisCannotBe · 02/06/2018 09:58

Well they can't exactly send her in on her own if they can't afford to get in can they, which means they all miss out including the little one who, may not remember it but will probably be delighted at the time. Yes they like cardboard boxes but they also like looking at animals and what not.

My two and a half year old can point out and name most of the animals at the zoo now, but he won't remember enjoying that when he's eighteen so fuck it.

I just do not understand this mentality of "they won't remember". Did you all live like Harry Potter in a cupboard under the stairs with no toys or days out until you hit your teenage years?

Also, you all must have some amazing memory retention because I am in my thirties and I would be really hard pushed to recall every trip out or present received last year since I left my childhood years.

snewname · 02/06/2018 09:59

Personally my kids savings aren't in an isa that they can piss up a wall when they are irresponsible 18 year olds. They will be in my control to be given later when they will use it for something significant like a car or house.
So presumably mil doesn't trust you then?

Snowysky20009 · 02/06/2018 10:01

I think it's up to you as the parent. My family give money often with a 'but him some clothes' comment, because they know I'll get the right size and what he needs at the time.
As for the water park and zoo- it's normally free for that age, and they don't get a lot out of it at that age either. She'll have more fun in the pool or at the each. It's more for you as parents.

SoyDora · 02/06/2018 10:05

I just do not understand this mentality of "they won't remember". Did you all live like Harry Potter in a cupboard under the stairs with no toys or days out until you hit your teenage years?

I always think this. Mine are 4 and 2. They won’t remember the vast majority of the things we do/places we go at the moment, but their experiences shape who they are. If remembering an experience is the main benefit of it for a child, why does anyone take a 3 year old to the zoo, for example? Or a 2 year old to the beach?

bubbles108 · 02/06/2018 10:06

It's unreasonable to use your child's money on something you should pay for.

Orangecake123 · 02/06/2018 10:07

Personally I don't see anything wrong, with using the money to buy her some nice clothes. She already has an ISA for something nice.

Notasunnybunny · 02/06/2018 10:24

I look on this as someone who gives cash for kids gifts instead of toys they may not want or need so that the parents can decide how best to use my gift. This may be put towards clothes, a trip out, towards a larger item such as a swing set or held onto until a need arises such as some craft materials, a bike or even saved until they get their first car. I wouldn’t consider it appropriate to dictate how gift money is used. If MIL wants to save for DD she should open her own account for that purpose.

llangennith · 02/06/2018 10:27

Stick it straight into DD’s account and forget about it. It wasn’t given to you, it was given to your DD.

MrsCD67 · 02/06/2018 10:33

YABU the money is not yours. Pay for things yourself and leave her money out of it for her to use when she gets older and can make her own choices

Notasunnybunny · 02/06/2018 10:34

Odd how people think clothes are a basic that parents SHOULD be providing. Yes some clothes, but what harm is there in buying a pretty dress that otherwise wouldn’t be splashed out on as birthday gift? And how many teenage boys ask for name brand trainers as a gift? Lots. because they aren’t essential they are a treat. I often give clothing as a gift to 1 year olds as I know toys will likely be over abundant at that age. When people asked what to get dd for her bd I said Pajamas as she had had a growth spurt, was too young to understand what a birthday was and pjs were an affordable token gift if people wanted to give something.

fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 10:37

@Notasunnybunny but one year olds don't care about having pretty dresses. It is only for the parents benefit to show off how cute their baby is.

I couldn't care less about the dresses I was wearing at one.

KarmaStar · 02/06/2018 10:37

It's your daughter's money OP and it should go into a savings account for her.spending it is just very wrong.

fluffy0 · 02/06/2018 10:38

@SoyDora children start to remember things from 3-4. I went to Disneyland at 4 and remember it well. A one year old however won't remember a thing.

Flobalob · 02/06/2018 10:41

Spend the money on what you want. What you've said sounds reasonable to me. You intend to buy clothes for your daughter and you're taking her out for the day. We all make these sort of decisions for our kids while they are little.
It would be different if you were buying clothes for yourself or treating yourself to a spa day.
Maybe put 25% of the money in her bank account.
If I'd chipped in money for a birthday and you told me you took her to the zoo or bought her clothes with it then I'd be fine with that.

Notasunnybunny · 02/06/2018 10:43

Fluffy, aren’t first birthdays just about the parents? First birthdays are a celebration for them, and wider family, the child is completely unfussed. The entire concept of birthdays is really 3 +
.

Flobalob · 02/06/2018 10:44

She's learning all the time. You take her to the zoo, point out the animals. Say the name, the noise they make, perhaps sign the animal to her. She is getting something out if that even if she won't remember it! I never said to myself "I won't take my newborn/1year old/2 year old to a baby class/farm/zoo cause they won't remember it" . They're having time doing something nice with their Mum and Dad and they're looking, listening and taking it in.

Bluelady · 02/06/2018 10:46

If I gave a child money for her birthday and it went into a savings account I'd be really pissed off. It's money to buy something nice for her here and now. If I thought parents were saving it, I wouldn't give money any more, it would be vouchers all the way.

auditqueen · 02/06/2018 10:46

If I give money to very young children for Christmas or birthdays I don't ask what the parents do with it. I trust them to use it in a way that is sensible and, yes, that might include a chest of drawers for their bedroom or some food or clothes.

auditqueen · 02/06/2018 10:47

Or a coup,e of special treats for them. It doesn't always have to be about making memories - sometimes it's just nice to do something that they are going to enjoy in the moment.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2018 10:48

Odd how people think clothes are a basic that parents SHOULD be providing

I think it's more odd you think one year olds should be paying for their own clothes if I'm honest. Yes providing clothing for uour child is seen as a basic parenting requirement.

And teenage boys wishing to spend their money on brand trainers is very different. Their money, their choice. A one year old doesn't give a shit what they are wearing and will just be as happy in a second hand bundle from eBay.which can also be pretty. You don't need to spend a lot of money on clothes for a one year old that they will mess up and grow out of fast. Wishing to buy expensive clothes is purely for the ops benefit, not the kids.

And as said, spending money to go on holiday where you are left so financially stretched you can't afford to pay your own entrance to the zoo, isn't a good idea for anyone.

jamoncrumpets · 02/06/2018 10:49

We used DS's easter money to take him on a steam train for a treat, never occurred to us that we should check how to spend it with the GPs/G-GPs. We took pics of him having a marvellous time and sent them with a thank you note.

I don't see how using the money towards a holiday is much different.

Freaklikemeee · 02/06/2018 10:50

A one-year-old won't give two shits about either the outfits or the zoo/water park.

Put the money in the ISA account for her.

SoyDora · 02/06/2018 10:54

A one year old however won't remember a thing

But you still do nice things with a one year old, no? I took mine to the zoo, and farms etc at 1. They start to learn animal sounds/names etc at that age.

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