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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:
Wishesdocometrue · 02/06/2018 06:12

None of anyones business. As long as it's spent on DD, do whatever you like with it.

Hideandgo · 02/06/2018 06:15

YANBU. £200 will be worth fuck all anyway by the time she might use it so you might as well buy her something nice now.

Bibesia · 02/06/2018 06:15

Having clothes that she will grow out of within a few months isn't having something to show for her birthday and holiday. And she won't care anyway.

You can't just say it's a gift and for you to choose how to spend the money, because (a) it's your child's money and (b) your MiL has made it clear that it was a gift given as an investment for her future.

NotTakenUsername · 02/06/2018 06:21

She’s one. She doesn’t need you to splash out on fancy outfits on her behalf. Or fancy day trips she won’t remember. If she already has too many toys already then something is very wrong. She is one.

hellooie · 02/06/2018 06:31

The point here is that your MIL doesn't trust you, saying that the savings account is wrong because you can withdraw from it is quite rude.

Your child is your financial responsibility, end of. If people give them money than put it in whatever investment vehicle you like or spend it on them or, if you are feeling the pinch spend it on food - whatever, you think best at the time. if you want to consult members of your family on how you spend or invest it then ask the person that gave you the money not your MIL its none of her business.

Your child is only 1 so I would look at this for the future - keep your MIL out of your finances, it will only lead to arguments and discord later on.

Dvg · 02/06/2018 06:44

yeah dont really see how a 1 year old needs to go to a zoo or water park :S both are over priced and at 1 years old she doesnt need to go, and the whole clothes to show off thing is for your benefit not hers.

Hideandgo · 02/06/2018 06:52

Miserable people. If the child is well fed, clothed, spoiled at times, plenty of toys, lots of activities etc for the next 18+ yrs, I think the people paying for that can decide what’s best to spend her birthday money on.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 02/06/2018 06:58

If I'd gifted money it's because I couldn't think of anything else to buy! Spend it on clothes. I think entry to a park may be a little off though!

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 02/06/2018 06:59

If our children get given money for their birthdays or Christmas they are told they have to spend it on something special and meaningful. To me a nice day out or some special outfits would be the exact things I’d expect them to spend it on. If the grown ups wanted it to go into the child’s saving account specifically they should have written cheques in her name as opposed to giving cash in my opinion

bella2bella · 02/06/2018 07:03

We go to a theme park using money they are given -I think experiences are great presents so don't think YABU. I often gift experiences to both children and adults. Unless the gifters specifically said it's for the savings account then go for it.

ferntwist · 02/06/2018 07:19

YANBU. Your plans on how to spend the money for DD sound lovely. Of course she’ll get lots of enjoyment from the water park. Go for it!

Oysterbabe · 02/06/2018 07:23

YABU. A 1 year old shouldn't have to buy her own clothes and days out. I know someone who does this all the time. Last time she used her kid's money to buy a chest of drawers for her bedroom, just what any kid would want to spend her money on Hmm

ourkidmolly · 02/06/2018 07:28

Your mil knows far too much about your business etc. Telling you to put cash into an ISA not a savings account! How presumptuous. Keep your financial affairs private. Tell her nothing and carry on how you wish. She sounds too controlling.

lostinsunshine · 02/06/2018 07:37

Clothes aren't supposed to count as presents.
My (now late 20s ) nephews got bits of money as presents when they were growing up - working class family with little to spare.
Amazing what a fab amount they had at 18.

Grumblepants · 02/06/2018 07:56

Also don't think uabu. Your child your choice. Most of my family live quite far away so will send birthday money instead of a gift. We just tell them what it's gone toward in a thank you letter.
I really don't see the problem. There is no difference from in a few years when your child takes their saved birthday money on holiday to spend. You are just doing it now.

fizzytonicplease · 02/06/2018 07:57

I personally wouldnt use it for holiday bits.
DS was given around £800+ on his chirstening (big Catholic family) and it's gone straight in his savings account. We are currently saving (slowly) to go on holiday and while that money would be great, its not ours to spend it is DS for his future.

SoyDora · 02/06/2018 07:58

I think it’s fine. We often give friends and family money for the children for birthdays/Christmas. I don’t feel I have a right to dictate what they do with the money. If they wanted to spend it on day trips or clothes that would be fine with me

senioritabonita · 02/06/2018 08:06

It’s all money! It’s the principle that is upsetting them and would a lot of people. It seems that you want to present a lump sum on dds 18 from you, whilst having relatives paying for family days out now. You need to save their money - it doesn’t have to be those actual notes - and fund your own holiday and thank relatives for contributing to dds savings.

Antigonads · 02/06/2018 08:08

An electric car and a rocking horse for a one year old?

And a water park for a one year old when you don't like water?

Other folks eh.

Heroo · 02/06/2018 08:10

I think water park and zoo is a good use of money.

Tit4TatandAllThat · 02/06/2018 08:11

When my dc get money my preference is to put it in the bank but everyone else wants it spent!

I think yabu as at 1 those things arentbreally your dd choice. And why pay for a water park when your dd would love the toddler pool just as much?

robotcartrainhat · 02/06/2018 08:14

YANBU I always use some of my sons birthday money for what we actually do for his birthday! Couldnt spend it all on presents as we wouldnt be able to move for stuff!!
Its up to you. Its being spent on him either way, on presents, in an ISA or on the actual day to do activities/holiday.
If I gave money for a childs birthday present I certainly would not mind it being spent on an activity or holiday for the child.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/06/2018 08:21

I'm usually of the opinion that money given to children should belong to the parents by extension but on this occasion yabu. It's as though you've already mentally prepared and spent the money. It all seems for your own benefit. Not sure how a 1yr old will appreciate new fancy clothes that she'll grow out of in a matter of months, but at least for your sake she'll look cute.

Bubblysqueak · 02/06/2018 08:25

did you tell people what the money was going to be used for before they gave it? I asked for money for both dc first birthday, but told everyone that we would be using the combined money for a climbing frame when dc were old enough. everyone was happy with this but they knew in advance. don't think they would be happy with being told after.

Lalliella · 02/06/2018 08:27

YANBU. Surely money being given is for the recipient to benefit from and she will benefit from a nice day out and some pretty new clothes. Normally money given doesn’t come with conditions. Imagine someone giving you a voucher and someone else telling you what you were allowed to spend it on. If MIL says she wants specifically the money to go into an account then fine, do that, but it’s none of her business what you do with the rest of it.