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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend Dd's birthday money

249 replies

Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 00:01

Hi, NC'd for this as I know a few family members are on here. Dd turned 1 last week and was (very generously) given close to £200 by family and friends. A large chunk of this came from DP's family. We go on holiday next week and I mentioned to mil how I planned to change around half of Dd's birthday money in to euros to get her some nice bits while on holiday. Mil was outraged saying that the money should be going in to an account for when Dd is older and it's not ours to spend. Now fair enough if we were blowing it on ourselves but I planned to get her some nice clothes and a day in the water park with it. She already has an isa that we pay in to every week along with my siblings so she has a decent present for her 18th. I asked people not to buy her any toys for birthday as our house already looks like the closing down sale at toys r us and she really doesn't need anymore. Aibu to spend some of Dd's money even though it will be going on her?
Aplologies for the long post.

OP posts:
PolkaHots · 02/06/2018 01:24

Do what you want with it. I would.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 02/06/2018 01:26

1 year old doesn’t care about water parks, that’s for your enjoyment. Put it in a savings account and do the right thing. Spend your own birthday money as you please

Original poster
Icantthinkofagoodname · 02/06/2018 01:29

Fair enough, looks like I was bu. Thanks for the advice, I'll put the money in to her account!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 02/06/2018 01:32

YABU - Toure technically spending the money now for your own benefit, your DD won’t remember any of what you’re using it for.

Put it away for her future, driving lessons ect

Aridane · 02/06/2018 01:36

Aw, that’s good of you to change your mind

boilerhouse2007 · 02/06/2018 01:41

i think you are fine op- me and my siblings used to get cash as kids and my parents would let us buy stuff with it. It is 200 pound ffs, be different if is was 200k. You are the parent and the boss- do not be told what to do.

makeitpink · 02/06/2018 01:45

I don't think you're BU at all!! We've often used birthday money for nice bits for the kids eg we went to Disney land and boys had their birthday money saved up for spending money. I've also used birthday money for clothes etc. Ultimately a 1yr old doesn't need heaps of toys but probably grows out of clothes quite quickly!! Spend it how you think is best OP Thanks

RafikiIsTheBest · 02/06/2018 02:06

I can't believe the number of people that are saying YABU.
We have 'friends' and family that I refuse to give their young DC cash as I don't think they would ever see it. But I think putting it towards (or using it for) a day to the zoo or a waterpark (assuming it's a baby friendly one) is a great idea. I also think some nice holiday clothes or a bit of holiday tat is a good way to spend it.
I can see why your MIL has got into your head. But I don't like the idea of money in savings for small children. If they want to do that then a few quid now and putting some away each year to give when they are adults (21st birthday would be ideal) is the way they should do things. Once it's handed to you it's up to you to decide. If they have a problem with it they don't have to give you the money. It's not like you are using it to pay for a babysitter and meal out for you and DH is it? Crikey!

RoomOfRequirement · 02/06/2018 02:39

I'm so surprised at these responses. Surely a birthday gift of money is not necessarily to be saved, but to buy said person something they will enjoy - for their birthday present. That could be a new toy, a nice dress, or a day out somewhere they'd enjoy!

I've only heard of this being terrible on MN.

Taytotots · 02/06/2018 02:50

Going against the grain here but I don't see the problem with what you are proposing. It's not like you are spending it on yourself. Maybe spend half and save half as a compromise - which I think is what you propose anyway. If mil is being problematic you could say you are saving her contribution.

Takfujuimoto · 02/06/2018 04:14

I was just curious op, sounds like she had a lovely birthday.
I still don't think Birthday money for a 1yr old should used to pay for her entrance ( if there is fee at all) or 'tat' but I also think it's none of your MILs business on which account you put the money in unless she specifically mentioned it before hand and that's only in relation to her monetary gift.

She doesn't get to have an opinion or to be outraged at all about how you allocate to each account from other peoples gifts, I would no longer be so open with her about things like this in the future.

beetfarmer · 02/06/2018 04:24

I don't think it's anyone's business what you use the money for. They've given it in lieu of toys and you can decide what is best your dd instead.

AuntyElle · 02/06/2018 04:25

wouldn't normally splash out on expensive outfits but thought it would be a nice way to spend her birthday money so she has something to show for both her holiday and her birthday.

But it wouldn’t be something to show for her - at one year old any fancy clothes are for your benefit not hers. Whereas more in her savings account really would be something to show for it when she’s old enough to appreciate it.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/06/2018 04:47

I would be pretty Hmm if I had gave money after you asked for no toys and you used it to buy baby clothes and activities without having said that was what it was for. I would expect the money to go into an account for her. It doesn't have to go in her ISA (in some ways it shouldn't unless people have specifically said - "keep it away from her until she's 18!"), you could just open up a regular savings account for present money and giver her access when she's older. Your MIL is rude to imply it should have to be out of your reach just because she doesn't agree with you.

lamerde · 02/06/2018 04:54

OP, if there’s anything to be learned here it’s just keep your mouth closed and do what you planned to do with the money.

emmyrose2000 · 02/06/2018 04:57

Do zoos and waterparks even charge for one year olds? Aren't children under three usually free at these sorts of places?

FeckinCrunchiesInTheCar · 02/06/2018 05:02

Its awful that anyone would think of spending money that belongs to a little baby.
:(

NualaCassia · 02/06/2018 05:04

The money belongs to your dd. Therefore you spend it on whatever you feel is right for her.

The family can’t dictate what they want that money to be spent on as long as it is being spent on the recipient.

And in future, say nothing.

Bodicea · 02/06/2018 05:19

Wow I think people are being bizzare. Birthday money is for fun stuff. She already has loads of toys and would have got more. She got money instead for her parents to spend on stuff she would enjoy. Days out are far more enriching, those saying a 1 year old wouldn’t remember the zoo are just silly. No she wouldn’t remember it but it doesn’t mean she would nt benefit from it!!! Rather that than more plastic tat, which she wouldn’t remember either. Also I often ask for clothes and close friends give me clothes for my kids and I reciprocate with clothes. I don’t get the issue. It saves you having to buy them and you can spend more money on them on other things.
At the end of the day more money in the household will benefit the child as they are part of the household.
Sticking it all into savings won’t be a treat for their child on their actual birthday. It’s an option but not an essential one.
My dh blew all his savings on stupid alloys for his car and subwoofers etc, when he turned 18, probably not what people had in mind when they were putting birthday money into his account for all those years!

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/06/2018 05:20

I don’t see anything wrong with what you are doing. However, as your dd gets older she will probably want lots of tat or even a musical instrument etc. In fairness you would probably be better off saving it for when she can choose things for herself or use it as holiday spending money.

My dd (9) has accumulated quite a sum of money in her bank account, which she dips into from time to time. She has bought little things such as squishies and slime as well as dancewear and an electric scooter. These are all extra things, which she wouldn’t have without the cash in the bank account. Whenever dd had birthday money, it was saved in the account. Now if she receives cheques they go in the account and cash in her purse.

As others have said, right now the money is about what you want for your dd. As she gets older, she will be able to choose for herself.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 02/06/2018 05:55

Firstly, it’s none of your MIL’s business. It was given to you for your DD. You are the parent, not her.

Personally I wouldn’t spend it on fancy clothes or day trips, but I would spend it on something she would get pleasure out of, like a paddling pool and sand pit or a ride on toy etc. But I’d keep it until there was something I really thought she would get a lot of use from.

I stopped giving two of my god children money for their birthdays because their parents spent it in ways that I wasn’t thrilled about (every day clothes etc that they could well afford themselves) because I felt the children weren’t getting a present or a fun activity out of it, I was just subbing the parents who did not need subbing. (I wouldn’t have minded if they were hard up, but they weren’t.)

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 02/06/2018 06:05

It's a gift, and of course you can spend it on things for her. Your MIL stopped having a say in how it was spent the moment she handed it over.

Sleephead1 · 02/06/2018 06:08

it's people's choice if they give money but I don't think they get any say in how parents spend it. I mean they can not give money or specify it's to go in the bank but if they give money I think it's up to the parents what it's spent on. We save anythi g my little boy gets and I always tell anyone we get money off that that's what we have done but if we wanted to use for big day out ECT I wouldn't expect people to complain about it. I would just avoid talking to mil about it in the future or ask for specific things e.g. we would like zoo tickets, money for a annual pass to somewhere ECT

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 02/06/2018 06:11

YABU

PlumsGalore · 02/06/2018 06:12

You are very wrong. Making you baby pay for her own holiday? Seriously, will she be paying board and lodgings when she gets home from the balance?

I can't see any justification for this at all. Quite frankly it's awful.

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