I don't want to wait but husband does. AIBU?

[RoseRuby26]

I'm 30 and married. Tried for baby last month with no success. Husband now wants to wait for 6 months as he doesn't want a child born in the lower half of the academic year group. He says studies show they underperform in school.

I don't want to wait as you can't predict when you'll fall pregnant and we'd like 3 children so why wait when my fertility is declining year on year. Also the studies only show academic success not life long success. Who knows what our child will be like.

Also relevant is the fact that he wants to move house and I'd rather not but I've said I will because it's what he wants. I feel he should compromise as I have. AIBU?

We did the same. Except we conceived first time both tries. With the first we started late December and baby born September. Second one conceived in May and born in January. I think had June as a cut off so baby would be born by March. I didn’t worry about fertility.

What if it takes years to conceive?
I got pregnant first time and as a consequence I have an August boy. I worried through primary and now he is yr7 and top set maths.

You could have a child born in September that needs help at school. Nothing is predictable and you love your child anyway.

You can’t say “well I said we can move so now you owe me a baby”

I’m not sure there’s a tight or wrong here but you can’t forcexslmwibe to have a baby when they’re not ready. I think if you want to then you gather your research and put it to him and discuss it. Try and see both points of view.

I’d getting cracking, it might take a year + to conceive.

I was born into the back end of the school year and I finished with one of the highest grade sets in my year.
My friend (September birthday) came out with one of the lowest grade sets.

By the time the grades actually matter (high school) I don't think the month you are born is remotely relative.

He's being ridiculous.

YANBU.

Well if that's his only reason for waiting, he is being a bit silly - you might be lucky and get pregnant straight away. You might not. Also, the academic thing is bollox really. I know plenty of high achieving adults who are "summer born", also knew plenty of children at school with my DCs who were academically very bright and they were summer born.

Academic achievement is not just about when your birthday is! And life is about a hell of a lot more than academic achievement.

Utter rubbish. I'm a teacher (and am August baby) and it depends on the child.

Who cares about stuff like that?

Get cracking.

I’ve met one person who planned a September baby, she came 5 weeks early. Personally I think it’s a bit weird but then I was born in May & have spring children. I conceived both first time so I suppose I could have planned them but it’s not something I thought about, although I would hate to be heavily pregnant in summer.

I think if a child comes from less academic family background, isn't encouraged as much at home, doesn't have the same opportunities due to financial constraints, or any of hundreds of other factors, then yes, maybe summer born kids are at a slight disadvantage, but if you look at a summer born from an academically driven family vs a September born from a family that couldn't give two craps about education, I'd wager the summer born will do better in an academic sense.

I'm with you. Have kids when they come - your parenting and their personality will have a lot more sway than a few months difference in birth.

(I have a summer born who is doing just fine and am expecting a September baby, so I look forward to seeing if there is actually any truth in the comparisons!)

oh & my 2 siblings are born in June & July & they are both better then me academically.

You're comparing a house move to having a child. Are you sure you're ready for parenthood?

If your husband does not want to try at the moment you should respect his decision. Imagine the uproar if it was a man trying to pressure a woman into getting pregnant at a time she did not want to.

He's being ridiculous. You can't micromanage to this extent.

He sounds foolish in his approach in general which makes me also think about the house move - is this on some equally silly premise? You don't want to move, he does - why? Job? Don't agree to big changes to keep a silly thoughtless micromanager happy.

Re ttc, you should not cut down your chances if you want 3 and you are already 30. At most, I would meet him along the way and maybe not ttc across the times which would give an August baby, but that's it. And then of course, you can't ever move to Scotland where the school year runs differently...

You're married to a dafty.

I think he’s right about performance. It took as a long time to conceive and we ended up with a very late August due date. I hoped to go over for that reason. I didn’t. So far DD is doing very well in school. She’s only 6 but seems to be thriving. DS is a Feb baby so a bit more promoting but he’s not in school until next September.

So there will only be certain months of the year he's willing to try to conceive? That makes no sense. Especially if you want 3 DC.

You're married to a dafty.

Which when you think about it, might have more of an impact on dcs academic ability then the month they are born in. 😜

Does he only want to have sex those months he wants you to conceive?! I suspect not

After I had my first in the winter and found it very hard to deal with a very demanding and colicky baby when it was cold and dark at 4pm, OH and I agree that next baby would be anything but another winter one. We therefore waited a few months before trying.... and then nothing happened to 10 months so at that point, we didn't care any longer when they'd be born but just wanted to get pregnant. It happened... due date... birthday of the first!! And yes, it was as painful!

Your DH is living in cuckoo land!

Get cracking.

First time ttc, we started in January (no particular reason) and didn’t conceive until May, so we had a February baby.
Second time ttc, we started in January (again, no particular reason) and conceived straight away, due date of 4 October. Miscarried.
Third time ttc, started in June, conceived straight away, had a March baby.

Some things you just can’t plan...

He’s being a bit of an idiot.

I don't think he's being totally ridiculous exactly. Except it is becoming more and more the norm to defer the school entry of a summer-born child. They are then one of the oldest. I did this for my aug Born Dd. She is now in y2. It was a brilliant decision and very easy to do.

Can I ask which month he was born in?

All well and good until your carefully planned late September baby is born at 36 weeks on the last day of August

It sounds like you did your own research into birth month and success, which debunked his theory. What did he say to that?

Why would you agree to do something as major as move house if you don't want to ?

I agree with the sentiment. I stopped trying for about 3 months of the year to avoid June/July/Aug

I've got September and February DD

I wouldn't agree to suspend activities for 6 months but certainly 3... I had 4 miscarriages and fertility issues, I was also over 35.