I don't want to wait but husband does. AIBU?

[RoseRuby26]

I'm 30 and married. Tried for baby last month with no success. Husband now wants to wait for 6 months as he doesn't want a child born in the lower half of the academic year group. He says studies show they underperform in school.

I don't want to wait as you can't predict when you'll fall pregnant and we'd like 3 children so why wait when my fertility is declining year on year. Also the studies only show academic success not life long success. Who knows what our child will be like.

Also relevant is the fact that he wants to move house and I'd rather not but I've said I will because it's what he wants. I feel he should compromise as I have. AIBU?

My birthday is September 6th I was oldest in my year group I got the highest GCSE grade in English and the lowest in maths. Everything else I was average. Not sure birth month counts towards much to be honest.

I was a feb baby - my brother July
Mum feb - dad December
All doing very well for ourselves and all did well in school

We had always planned for non-summer babies as in tried in the right months. DD1 was born in June. DD2 was born in November. We tried for DD3 and it took longer than expected. She's due very early September with every likelihood that if I go early with her as I have 1-2 weeks with my previous daughters she'll be born late August.

We were meticulously charting and it didn't happen the way we thought it would. You can plan to a certain extent but if you wait and struggle for a few cycles, you have every likelihood of a baby born in the latter few school months.

TTC doesn't work like that for most people! I was due a March baby this year after falling pregnant on cycle 4 last year, but lost the little bean last August to a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Naively, I didn't think that something like that would happen to me. I don't mean to be doom and gloom, but things like this can happen and delay TTC even more (although I was very lucky that I conceived on cycle 4 first time round). I then conceived again, got a BFP in November and am now due an end of July baby.
I'm also a primary school teacher, and one of the brightest children in my class was born in July. I also teach a boy who was born near the end of August, and you'd never know he was the youngest. Being summer born doesn't necessarily mean being behind. As others have said, TTC can be unpredictable, so I would just go for it now!

Surely people don’t actually think like this? Your husband is BU.

It all just seems like such pressure to be putting on a child before it's even conceived!

So "statistically" summer born babies are more likely to be at a disadvantage in sport; Well what if that child doesn't like sport?

Parents might want their child to play rugby or football but that child might just actually hate it! Your July baby might prefer books or science or dance.

It's such a sign of the times with certain pushy parents wanting their dc to be highly academic or to excel in the sport which the parent likes. So much pressure is being put on children now to perform in the way their parents want them too, even before that child is fucking conceived!

I would have liked my dd to be girly and wear dresses but she leans towards being a tomboy and always has done.

Ultimately they are going to be who they are going to be. Yes you might have a highly academic October born child or a September born child who is a pro in rugby but you could also have a July born child who excels in those areas too. There are plenty of Autumn born children who struggle academically too.

Yes "statistics" might say one thing but what statistics don't tell you is what your child will excel in and that is ultimately what your dh needs to realise.

Ask him to look at his colleagues. Can he tell which were born when? Or which were breast-fed, or not? Or which ones mother's got PND, or not? He's being ridiculous. Life is a melting pot.

Anyway, he may be interested to know that statistically, summer babies tend to be taller and healthier:
www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/babies-born-in-the-summer-grow-up-to-be-taller-and-healthier-cambridge-university-study-finds-a6691776.html

... And taller people are statistically more successful in life. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/tall-people-more-likely-to-be-successful-in-life-study-find-a6919431.html

He is btotallyU! I’m an early summer baby, and was very young in my year. I had some issues at school tbh but have been reasonably successful since. I think being young in the year gives you a lot of non-academic advantages: being younger, you listen to others more, and are a better collaborator and team player. I’m probably less competitive and gentler with myself than the kids who were the older in the class. Plus you have literally no idea how quickly a baby will come. Good luck OP x

Oh yeah and I’m shit at sport, thankfully my parents never minded though!!

Well he sounds like a bundle of fun !!

I really don't understand your husband's mentality. I was born very end of August and never had any problems academically (12 GCSEs, 4 A-levels and 2 degrees). I am now pregnant with a baby due in July and it has never crossed my mind to worry about how they will perform at school based on when they are born. And despite what the stats say, I can't help but think there is so much more to it than that.

To be honest I would be more worried that he seems to have changed his mind about TTC so suddenly after starting. Regardless of his reasons this is very unfair on you and a bit of a head fuck really. If I was in your position I would really struggle if my husband did that to me.

I agree with those saying get on with it
At about the same age it took me 14 months to conceive ( and we ended up with a Christmas baby which wasn't ideal but can't imagine life without them ) 2 and 3 were much easier though !!

I have two friends who were due their babies in October and November but both were born very prematurely in August, still both doing well at school despite being in a year below which they should’ve been.
When I was pregnant a younger work colleague berated me or expecting a Christmas baby with why on earth would you have a winter baby?

She is now a mum to two with hers being born in February and November!!
When you want a child it really doesn’t matter when they’re born.

The reason more Olympians and top sportspeople are September born is that they are selected in a cohort based on academic year, so when a coach picks the fastest kids in , say year 3 then yes they will often end up with the oldest kids.

This will probably change as your hypothetical child grows up. Selectors are aware of this bias and are looking for other benchmarks to base performance on.

Also there are a lot of sports (eg equestrian or shooting disciplines) that don’t suffer similar bias.

I think your husband is right. Summer children do seem to be left behind and struggle more at school. I remember the 'clever' kids were all born September- January.

AKA known as bollocks!!! As lots of things inters you seemed to ignore have said!

Imagine a world with all children born so they entered the academic year just right!!!

My h is an august baby and is the highest earning person I know.

Parental involvement is really important - more so than birth month.

Don’t let dates put you off ttc...

Some of the most successful folk I know are summer born. Also you get more "free nursery".

I planned to have a September baby though so can see both sides. This time I've totally fucked up and the poor sod will likely be born on Xmas day.

Definitely makes a different with sport - especially physical sport such as rugby where you are playing with children almost a year older than you

That absolutely isn’t a given at all.

Sports?

My April born boy is the best runner in the county, was scouted for football aged 7 to a premier league club, and is naturally talented in all sports. Had nothing to do with his birth month.

Are you sure your dh wants kids? Is he just making excuses??

DO NOT WAIT. I was born in May but due in July so prem as well as the later half of the academic year. I have done perfectly fine, one of the top students throughout school.

Outside of school, most children compete in sports by their year of birth, not by the school year. So children born in summer are older than children born in autumn ( but I doubt this gives them any advantage beyond the age of 7, if at all)

I did that. Fell pregnant first time of trying. Baby 3 weeks early (all 1st babies in my family late which I'd factored in), so born mid August! That taught me a lesson. He'll be 22 this year, has a degree from an RG Uni. It worked out ok!

Another one thinking you're silly for waiting. I thought I'd get pregnant straight away. Wanted 3 kids. It didn't happen. It took 2.5 years to have DC1. He ended up being born in spring. I couldn't have cared less if he was born on August 31st.

Your husband seems to be taking the statistics very literally, which is concerning, i'd hope someone in his line of work could read into a subject more widely and form his own informed opinion. Not that opinion is remotely important when it comes to your respective bodies' abilities to conceive!

My DD was born end of August, only just slipping under the all important deadline, and is consistently the youngest in her class. She has also, since age 5, been at the top or close to the top of her year academically. She loathes sports with a passion.

DS was born 2 years and 3 weeks later and is always one of the eldest in his class. He could care less about schoolwork, scrapes along with average grades in everything.

DH and I were born 2 weeks apart, both in March. I have 3 postgraduate degrees and earn a decent salary, he got kicked out of college and still (at age 50) works a NMW job.

You can make statistics say anything you want......

There’s an awful lot of anecdata on this thread!