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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:
GertieMotherwell · 03/06/2018 06:55

4pm on Friday is the weekend isn’t it?
Grin

People only need a half day off work surely.

PeachQueen · 03/06/2018 07:04

We got married in a Thursday. All guests invited came.

Ail is a TA and moaned from day one that she'd not get the day off as it wasn't an important event (her and DH don't get on at all) but surprisingly she was there.

Like PPs have said, it's your day & yes it may sound selfish but you do have to think of you. If people want to be there they will.

Our guests made long wknds of it!

PeachQueen · 03/06/2018 07:19

That should say ON not in & SIL not ail lol

MaryShelley1818 · 03/06/2018 07:27

We’re getting married on a Sunday...it’s a special last minute offer by a beautiful hotel for £2,850 whereas a Saturday without the special deal would be in excess of £10,000 (for the exact same package). We couldn’t afford it!

OneStepSideways · 03/06/2018 07:34

I think a lot of people will decline. Unless I was very close to the bride/groom I wouldn't get DH to use up a day of annual leave and take DD out of nursery. Especially if we had to travel and would need to book a hotel for Thursday night (travelling long distance with a small child the day of the wedding is a nightmare!) At least for a Saturday wedding you can travel Friday night after work.

I think it's really obvious you're cutting costs if you have a weekday wedding. In your shoes I'd try to save the £600 from elsewhere in your wedding budget, or invite less people.

Weddings are expensive to attend. It really irks me when we travel a long way to a wedding, pay for a hotel, for taxis to and from the venue, give a generous cash gift etc... then it's obvious the B&G have done everything they can to keep catering costs to a minimum. The last wedding we went to the food was awful and the table wine undrinkable. Not a nice way to welcome guests who have travelled across the country and spent several hundred to celebrate with you.

GruffaloPants · 03/06/2018 07:58

We went to a lovely Friday wedding recently. Everyone expected was there! We took DD1 out of school at lunchtime, which school were fine about (possibly as we are in Scotland, where the attendance management stuff isn't as crazy as down south). Maybe discuss with your future SIL. If she can accommodate it, go for it.

ElsieMc · 03/06/2018 08:15

My dd2 is getting married next year and is considering a Friday wedding. Unfortunately locally the nicest venue has cottoned on to Friday popularity and has only discounted Thursday now so she is looking further afield. I have noticed that some venues are offering big discounts for short notice weddings.

My dd1 had a Friday wedding and only one person did not come. I honestly don't think you can sound people out because everyone will have different wants and needs and it will end up messy with offence taken and upset. Its an invitation, come if you can, don't if its difficult.

For me, it is her and her partner's wedding and it is their choice. Immediate family will be there no matter what day they choose. I have a feeling her partner's rather grand friends may be difficult but they are friends not family and lets face it, friends can be fluid. I think he may face some uncomfortable truths here harsh as it sounds.

MindatWork · 03/06/2018 08:22

I’d rather go to a Friday wedding than a Sunday one - all the Sunday weddings I’ve been to have died down really early in the in the evening as guests leave to avoid having to take the Monday off. No one on the dance floor and lots of buffet food going to waste ☹️

MaryShelley1818 · 03/06/2018 08:34

Brilliant...looking forward to our wedding being rubbish then! Thanks for that 😳
Unfortunately we don’t have an additional 7-8k lying around!

MindatWork · 03/06/2018 08:39

Oooh I’m so sorry mary, I hadn’t read the full thread and didn’t see your post - I’m sure your wedding will be lovely! Tbf one of the weddings was smack bang in the middle of exam season (lots of teachers) and the other was mainly teetotallers so that prob had something to do with it. Apologies again!

Clevs · 03/06/2018 08:39

I got married on a Monday because our chosen venue had extortionate rates from Thurs-Sun. Most people came that we invited, but the main problem we had was that people left early in the evening as they had work the next day. The dance floor was quiet a lot of the time.

We also chose a date in August instead of June like we wanted to allow teacher friends to attend. Two that we invited didn't come for whatever reason so I wish we'd stuck with a June date.

In hindsight, would I do it again? Probably not. I'd choose a Saturday in the winter instead of a weekday in the summer. And choose a date that suits us instead of trying to please other people.

LynetteScavo · 03/06/2018 08:51

It's your wedding so have it on what ever day you want.

There will always be someone who complains....we got married on the Saturday of a bank holiday weekend and apparently this was inconvenient for people as they could go away for the weekend.

I would run it buy your teacher SIL. I'm not allowed to take time off during term time, and a colleague recently missed a family wedding because of her contract. However, I have known teacher be allowed time off, and your future SIL might not need to take the whole day off.

snurfflepots · 03/06/2018 08:53

I'm so shocked at all these people saying £600 isn't a lot of money, or it's obvious your trying to save money.
She is, she's pregnant for gods sake and it's just a wedding, it's not a compulsory summons. £600 is a huge sum of money for a lot of people, not a throw away amount to make some people happy on her wedding day.
It's your day, it's your choice and if your guests want to be there then they will make it happen.

MaisyPops · 03/06/2018 09:37

I'm so shocked at all these people saying £600 isn't a lot of money, or it's obvious your trying to save money.
It's a reasonable amount of money, but within the scheme of wedding planning I would be seeing where else I can save so that the groom's immediate family can attend.

This entire 'it's your day so do what you lile however much it costs or inconveniences others' is how bad feeling is created. If thr OP isn't arsed about his family being there then go ahead, but don't be surprised if in a year or sos time you find yourself writing another thread like this:
AIBU to think my in laws should be nicer? DH and I got married and his family have been off with me from day 1. His sister in law and mother in law seem to have a problem with me. They're nice enough and polite but I always feel a bit on edge around them like they've not quite welcomed me. They say this is because we excluded them from the wedding and they are hurt about it, but we invited them. It's not our problem if they chose not to come
Then drip feed
when we got married, we picked a day that MIL had work issues with and picked a weekday in term time when his SIL is a teacher. But that's not the point. Surely they should have made it happen if it matters so much to them

MaryShelley1818 · 03/06/2018 13:50

Mindatwork...thank you and don’t worry! :)
We just booked it last night so I’m newly excited by it but then had a bit of a worry so when I read your post I just thought ‘oh no’.
Tbh, we’ve really got no choice, I’m on Maternity Leave, I’m 40, we’d like another baby so time is of the essence and we can only afford to spend the money we’ve got saved and won’t go in debt for a wedding.
We’ll be married at the end of the day so hopefully that’s all that matters x

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/06/2018 14:04

If it's any consolation, Mary, I went to a lovely Sunday wedding! Nearly got the day wrong though, I assumed it was the Saturday but luckily checked the invitation again and realised it was the Sunday, so I'd make that bit very clear on the invitation. We didn't have any really early leavers, that I remember anyway - it was a great day :)

buzz91 · 03/06/2018 22:45

Got married on a Friday in the autumn at 4pm! Nearly all the guests attended, the only ones that couldn’t were my aunt and uncle due to time off work, we had some guests not come to the ceremony because of work, but they came after instead. It worked well for us and was well worth the saving!

AngelsOnHigh · 03/06/2018 23:13

Weddings on Friday and Sunday are becoming more and more common in OZ.. You just have to do what you want and people either accept or decline the invitation. As simple as that.

Abbylee · 04/06/2018 02:51

We married during the week. 7 people attended. It wasn't what I would recommend.

Hundredacrewoods · 04/06/2018 03:09

Honestly, if you want guests to lose a day's pay or annual leave, it should be in lieu of a gift.

GertieMotherwell · 05/06/2018 07:23

I think the what shouts out from your post there hundredacre is the word ‘guests’

Invite only friends. True friends who would consider the wedding of a friend a worthwhile reason to take a few hours off.

I always intrigued by the amazing exciting things MNers do on their days off that a friends/relatives wedding is deemed a waste

BuenosAires · 05/06/2018 09:53

I personally would quite like a Friday wedding. It means you can really make a weekend of it. Or stop it from completely taking up your entire weekend depending upon your perspective.

Obviously people in professions who can't easily take leave might not be able to make it. But then people forget that there are lot of people who struggle to take leave on Saturdays too - hairdressers, emergency services, retail workers etc. Its swings and roundabouts really.

I don't have kids but would people really baulk at taking their kid out of school for a wedding on a Friday??

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