To have a wedding on a weekday

[PoppySeedBun18]

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

They are a pain and I'd only use precious annual leave for a immediate family.

If you wanted everyone there to celebrate you could nip to the registry office cheaper at the weekend. Your n Ed for a wedding rather than marriage will massively inconvenience guests or stop them coming your mum is right.

Your wedding your choice
True enough but I have to admit any time I hear 'your wedding, your rules', 'your wedding do X Y Z and if your guests don't like it tough', 'it's your special day. Guests should get over... insert any major inconvenience here', 'don't listen to family members. It's your day hun', 'well it's your day. They don't HAVE to come', it almost always (say 80% of the time) seems to be with regards to the bride/groom/couple making decisions in the knowledge it will be problematic for others.

Picking a wedding date knowing it is a going to be an issue for immediate family is entirely a couple's choice, but it's a decision with consequences.

Does your SIL live nearby? If so could she go to work but leave as soon as the school bell rings and still make it by 4pm? Or does she have a role (bridesmaid?) that means she needs to be available earlier in the day?

I got married on a Friday at 1pm. About three people declined because they couldn't, or didn't want, to take leave. They still came to the evening do.

Kids who were relatives took a day off school (thinking about it, I don't know if the parents got agro from the school or not - I never asked. Must have been in self-absorbed bride mode!) A few kids who weren't relatives were invited - all but one were pre-school age. The one that was at school, the parents chose to leave them with their GPs for the weekend anyway. They went from the wedding to a weekend break - first one they'd have since their kids were born and they couldn't have done the same if we'd got married on a Saturday, so they were happy!

Have to admit, I wouldn't have half the people who I wanted at my wedding, missing from it, to save £600. I would rather put it off a year actually.

Depends what your priorities are; to save £600, or have potentially half the people you are inviting, unable to come.

I had a Friday wedding. No one couldn't come because it was a weekday - they all took a day off work if they needed to (or a half day in one woman's case). It was a short notice wedding too - only 7 weeks to organise it. I even had 2 teachers and 2 police! But no doctors/nurses - they wouldn't have been able to make it at that notice so it's a good job I didn't have any friends in those professions at that time (I was lucky with the teachers and the police).

The reason we had it on the Friday was because of the short notice (I was pregnant and wanted to get married before I got too big to enjoy myself) - all the Saturdays were booked up! But it worked out very well for us so I hope none of our guests minded too much.

I think Friday is ok. Another midweek day would be much worse

I got married on a Friday at 1pm. Everyone bar one person came - and she was on holidays anyway so wouldnt have made a Saturday either.
My cousin who is a teacher missed the ceremony and came for the meal after.
I didn't invite kids though so can't comment on that.

I got married on a Friday, everyone invited came except one cousin who couldn’t /didn’t want to take the day off work. People will either come or not, it’s entirely up to you whether this is a problem.

The year before last we were invited to four weddings and every single one was on a week day. Impossible for me as I'm not allowed to take any leave during term time. In theory, DH could have gone to them all without me but this would mean him using up almost a weeks annual leave just to attend friends weddings. He works long hours and barely sees the DC in the week so, like many parents, his annual leave is precious and is also needed to cover emergencies like kids being too ill to go to school/childcare. Not to mention potential fines for taking DC out of school. Unfortunately, none of this stopped a couple of friends from being really funny with us when we said we wouldn't be able to make it.
From your OP and subsequent updates it sounds as though you've already decided YANBU and are going to go ahead with the Friday. That's fine, it's your day after all, but please don't take offence if your decision to get married on a weekday means some people aren't able to attend.

Why don’t you sound out your close friends and family to see how feasible it is for them to get time off for it? I did that before I booked my wedding (different reasons) to make sure the majority were good with it. It also made me feel less nervous of sending out the invitations as I knew the vast majority were coming already
I bet most people will be fine with it, especially with 6 months notice x

Yes, go for it. It's an invitation, not a summons, if people can't make it or aren't able to get leave then that's unfortunate but £600 is a lot! I guess it depends on how many teacher friends or friends with school age children you have as well. We had a Fri wedding but none of my friends (bar one, who had a baby) had children yet and we booked it for end of Oct half-term so my three teacher friends could be there. It was a v small wedding mind, only 30ish guests and everyone we invited was able to be there / willing to give up a day of A/L. I think do what you can to make it easier for those people who you know might struggle with a Friday (eve event sounds like a good compromise!), but otherwise it's your wedding and you should do what you want and when you want for it.

I've been to several Friday weddings, no issue at all! A midweek day would be more faff but Friday is practically the weekend anyway.

It's your wedding, it's about you and your Fiancée becoming man and wife and starting the rest of your life together, it's one of the few time that you are absolutely able to make it about what You want and what works best for you, not just logistically but financially, those that know and love you will absolutely understand your choices.

Ignore everyone on here who thinks it's about the guests and how convenient it is for them, it's not a party, it's a declaration of your love for each other, if they want to share that with you they will.

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My niece got married yesterday. There were only a few guests who couldn't manage. Everyone else came. Close family and the bridal party have all been here all week as it is at a castle on an estate with lots of accommodation. We are looking at it as a holiday and we have been joined by our two DDs who live quite far away. It has been lovely and we have enjoyed being part of their celebrations. We had two years notice so we factored it in to our holidays for the year.

I guess if people want to be there then they will make it work but you need to accept some people might not manage or might only be able to come to the reception.

I think it's fine as long as you don't start whining when people don't want to come! I would only use my annual leave for my siblings or parents weddings tbh.
And I also think if saving money is a must then I don't understand why you wouldn't just keep it a small registry office do or whatever. Small group, nice meal after, lovely!

Could you make it a little later?

I was married at 5pm on a Friday.

Weddings of close family are usually ok for teachers to attend on school days. A few people at ours have gone including two abroad.

We’re having a Friday wedding.
Nearly everyone is coming, and only a couple with kids are coming about 5ish after school.

Some people like an excuse for a long weekend, and if not they could always just come to evening only.

OP, I think a Friday is perfectly acceptable. You could try and tie it in with the half term which would make it easier for some. Alternatively, I wouldn't worry too much about weather conditions in winter - you want to be married this year and December is just the beginning of winter and is notoriously mild!

I am getting married in December. We've chosen a Saturday but that's just because our venue didn't add a premium to a weekend wedding date. It's going to be cosy and wintry and we are thoroughly looking forward to it! Do what works for you... If your mother wants to attend, she has plenty of notice to take the day off.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!

Also, putting leave in 6 months in advance doesn't mean your mum will be granted it. In my workplace if there's more than 2 people per department off you can't have leave as well.

Eh? A friday afternoon is BARELY a weekday - you’ll get loads of people, they’ve only got to take half a day off, plus a fun Friday night.

Its absolutely fine, go for it - unless you have lots and lots of people you want there who are teachers and can’t take time off?

If I had enough notice, a Friday wouldn’t be a problem at all, especially if later in the day. I have declined a Wednesday wedding though in the past.

We had a Friday wedding and everyone came, we’ve been to loads of them as well and it’s lovley as you get a long weekend. We’ve also been to a Tuesday wedding which was a bit more of a pain but still lovely and well attended.

Yanbu it's your wedding and you can have it whenever you like. You just can't pull your face though if you people can't make it.

We weren't originally going to have a 'wedding' at all as we couldn't afford it, but with many overtime shifts and gifts from family we just about have enough. An extra £600 means another month of overtime for DP who's already putting in all the hours god sends. this isn't worth it for one day really is it?! A wedding doesn't make a marriage. And with a child you may want to think about keeping that money for savings just in case.

There are very few people I'd take a days holiday for a weekday wedding.

Really? You can’t have many proper friends then! I can imagine not going to a friends wedding just because I didn’t want to use a days holiday.

There’s a difference between not wanting to take a holiday and not being able to take a holiday / day off.

I think the majority of people would take a holiday if they could for a Friday wedding (esp if it’s a later ceremony and they would technically only need a half day), but you will need to accept that some people just might not be able to l, like teachers for example.