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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:

MindBodyChocolate · 31/05/2018 15:11

£600 is a lot. 4pm on a Friday sounds fine to me. Another weekday would be more problematic I think as would an early start in the Friday but if I were you I’d save the cash and enjoy a fab Friday evening do!

RedForFilth · 31/05/2018 15:12

19lottie82 I think that's unfair. There are only a handful of people I would take leave for. I have fabulous friends and family but I'm a single mum. This means there is only myself to fover sickness and holidays. My son's needs come first.

seven201 · 31/05/2018 15:13

I would be late as I'm a teacher so wouldn't be allowed time off. I wouldn't begrudge it though. Your sil will probably be allowed the afternoon off unpaid unless she has a complete bastard boss. I think go for it!

lechhy · 31/05/2018 15:14

"But do you think SIL might be a bit upset with you? If it turns out she can't come and you go ahead anyway I'd be prepared for it to cause a bit of family bad feeling - I'd be really hurt if my brother knew I couldn't come to a particular date for his wedding and then went ahead and booked it anyway."

This. I'd speak to SIL, If she can't get time off (and many heads won't allow even unpaid leave), then you are effectively cutting her out of her own brother's wedding. Is £600 worth potentially years of resentment from MIL and SIL? Not saying they would, but they could...

If not, then I'd look at other options - Saturday but at a cheaper venue, winter dates, Delaying for a Friday wedding until until Feb half term / a half term next year and so on...

Morewashingtodo · 31/05/2018 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquishySquirmy · 31/05/2018 15:17

I don't think a Friday is that bad.
Most people wont have to take the day off - just the half day if their work lets them.
Some might not be able to go to the ceremony if they can't/don't want to take the day off. But a Friday evening reception should be doable without taking any time off!

I would word the invites in such a way that it is obvious that those who can't make the ceremony are still very welcome at the reception.

Enidblyton1 · 31/05/2018 15:27

No problem having a Friday afternoon wedding - as long as you are happy that a few people (i.e. If any of your guests are teachers) may not be able to come to the ceremony. But they could still come along later in the evening.

On the other hand, I can't get over this £600 difference being the stumbling block. How much is the entire wedding (and honeymoon?) actually costing? £600 must be a tiny fraction of the overall cost.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/05/2018 15:27

I think a Friday is fine if it’s a casual evening reception for people to turn up when they can, if set times etc a bit of a pain.

It’s your wedding do what you like and £600 is significant- however can I just say how much I hate people saying you/they’ve given plenty of notice to take annual leave. For me it’s not the notice period but the fact I don’t want to use my leave for somones wedding!

Mousefunky · 31/05/2018 15:29

As a teacher I wouldn’t be able to take the day off to attend a wedding. I teach FE so I don’t finish until 5pm. I would imagine people in some jobs won’t be able to make the ceremony at that time but maybe the reception. Also true that those with children will only make it to the reception unless their take their DC out of school for the day.

I find them inconvenient personally.

baylisbaylis · 31/05/2018 15:36

Just don't be judgmental if people can't make it because of work. It doesn't mean they don't love you/like you/ can't be bothered etc
One of my best friends got married on a Thursday. I went with the kids, DH couldn't make it. We'd already booked our holidays for the year and he didn't have any days left.

My friend was lovely and appreciated the fact that I drove over an hour on my own with a 2 year old and a baby.

YessicaHaircut · 31/05/2018 15:48

Go for the Friday!
We had a Friday wedding (4pm ceremony) and if people had to travel they came down the same day and stayed overnight. One or two local friends couldn’t take the day off work but came for the evening party and it was fine. In fact quite a few of our relatives commented that it was nice to have a long weekend and not to have to rush back - we all hung out for the day on the Saturday.
It would have cost a LOT more if we’d got married on the Saturday instead. The whole thing cost around £2500 so £600 would have been a big chunk of our budget.

greendale17 · 31/05/2018 16:06

£600 isn’t a lot when it comes to a wedding.

SquishySquirmy · 31/05/2018 16:12

Whether or not £600 is a lot in the context of a wedding does rather depend on the kind of wedding you're having!
op has already said it will be a low key low budget one.

Plus a budget is a budget and is usually there for a reason: You start going over it by thinking "Oh, its just £600 extra" here or "Oh, its just another £200" there, and before you know it you've got yourself into financial difficulties.

I think op is very sensible for wanting to keep the costs within what they can afford.

MaisyPops · 31/05/2018 16:18

I agree the OP should keep it affordable squishy, but as with all budgets there's got to be some give and take and compromise.

Personally, I would find the money to cut elsewhere rather than risk not having members of the groom's immediate family not be able to attend. Knowing the difficulty they will probably face and booking it anyway isn't a terribly good start to married life and creates unnecessary bad feeling.

wastingtimeontinternet · 31/05/2018 16:26

I don’t understand those saying that people would have to give up a day’s annual leave. A day when you don’t have to work is just that - whether it’s a bank holiday, annual leave or a weekend surely? Ok yes for some people they’ll need their annual leave for particular things/ can’t take leave at particular times, but for anyone who can be flexible about when to take their leave I don’t see the difference between ‘giving up’ a Saturday and ‘giving up’ a Friday. And some people also have weekend commitments and wouldn’t be able to make a Saturday anyway.

I’d just check that anyone you REALLY want to be there can make it, and then go for it, just so long as you accept that there might be some people who can’t make it/ come later. As a Mon-Fri worker, i’d be happy to have a lovely reason and celebration to start my weekend early! (And then i’d also have the whole weekend to recover/ do all my normal weekend stuff)

YearOfYouRemember · 31/05/2018 16:27

I think a Friday late afternoon wedding is totally fine. We were invited to a Thursday wedding and the reason we didn't go was it was in school time and the kids weren't invited. I think if you invite the whole family people are more likely to put themselves out a bit tbh.

Pinkprincess1978 · 31/05/2018 16:34

We got married on a Friday at 4pm and almost everyone came to the service and reception, a few Just came to the reception.

In fact I know someone who is getting married today, a Thursday and having from what I can tell full blown wedding. It was cheaper today than at the weekend.

It's your day, go for what you want so long as you are prepared for any that can't make the service.

GettingAwayWithIt · 31/05/2018 16:34

I've been to a Thursday wedding, it wasn't an issue taking time off work as I'd had plenty of notice and I didn't mind using a day of annual leave as it was one day to see my friends get married. It wasn't so good going to work on the Friday but with yours being a Friday a lot of people have Saturday off so the day after isn't an issue.

With it being late afternoon people could even take a half day. Go for it, those who won't take the day off don't have to go.

GettingAwayWithIt · 31/05/2018 16:36

Also, £600 is a considerable % of what our entire wedding actually cost and more than my wedding dress. So it's not 'only' £600 to everyone

BakedBeans47 · 31/05/2018 16:42

I got married on a Friday. Tbh it wasn’t due to cost as it cost the same but more about being able to do it within a year or so of getting engaged rather than waiting another year for venues and suppliers. Everyone came. We didn’t have any friends of family members with school age children at that time.

FairyDogMother11 · 31/05/2018 16:42

We are getting married on a Tuesday. We only wanted a small wedding though, if we'd wanted a bigger one we would have gone for a weekend. People are less inclined to go during a week day - Friday really isn't so bad though. If they really want to be there and you give them enough notice, the majority would be able to book it off work (dependent on profession obviously). If you wanted kids there it might be awkward with the timing of everything, trying to get any kids ready in the very short time between them finishing school and the ceremony might be an issue? I expect those are things that you have thought of though!

UrgentScurryfunge · 31/05/2018 16:46

Weekday weddings depend very much on who you know and their situation.
You already know about your SiL being very likely to have difficulties. Of course it's not the only occupation to be inflexible by a long shot, but I suppose that for the majority of teachers, the term dates are very predictable on when a teacher can work or not. Medical/ emergency services would have their own issues but that's more individual shift patterns rather than a blanket look at a calendar approach.

As weekdays go, late on a Friday is pretty good.
The main factors are:
Travel
Child pick-ups/ childcare/ guests' priority & flexibility of using A/L
Workplace leave policies/ notice

If most guests are local, employers are fairly flexible and children aren't presenting a variety of logistical hinderences either directly or indirectly, then the plans are perfectly reasonable

pollysproggle · 31/05/2018 16:56

I'm getting married this August on a Wednesday and it's not a local venue either.

You invite people and it's up to them if they come or not, they can decide if your wedding is worth them booking the time off work.
If it's close friends and family I personally think it's worth it. I've been to tons of weddings on different days of the week, travelled miles and paid out for hotels because I want to go to the wedding. Someone has invited me and I never feel their choice of day is an inconvenience to me I feel privileged to be asked! Not everyone works mon-fri either. My work mostly falls on the weekends and I've turned Work down in the past to go to friends weekend weddings.

You can't please everyone of course but I think with enough notice and if you're prepared for a few people to turn down the invitation then it's fine.

19lottie82 · 31/05/2018 17:06

I think that's unfair. There are only a
handful of people I would take leave for.

I don’t think it’s unfair. I can’t imagine calling someone a true friend but be unwilling to take a days holiday to go to their wedding.

As I mentioned in my PP, there’s a big difference between “can’t” and “won’t”.

Excited101 · 31/05/2018 17:06

I’d wait a year and have it on a Saturday. Save up a bit more money. Weekend weddings when you want guests are selfish imo. I on,y get to choose 2 weeks of holiday a year, I’d do it for a close friend and I’d be happy to be there but I’d also feel some resentment.

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