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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:

ChocolateTea · 31/05/2018 13:16

You're not unreasonable to book a Friday wedding, but you are being unreasonable if you get arsey if people can't make it.

I turned down a Friday wedding - it was 3.30pm and a nightmare to get the kids from school and get there. We went to the evening reception though.

Same as a friend of mine has a wedding booked for a Monday later this year. Being a teacher I have no chance of taking a days leave for a friend's wedding. I doubt I'd be able to get a days leave for a relative's wedding. However I have politely declined the day invitation for me and my partner (so the bride can fill our place or save the money) and said we will try and get to the evening reception (which in itself isa mission on a Monday evening in term time!)

OrcinusOrca · 31/05/2018 13:18

I think it's fine. The fact it's afternoon/evening might mean people don't take the day off and do a shorter day if they can. I got married on a Friday. I didn't invite anyone just to the evening part because people were coming from quite far so all came to the whole thing. They didn't mind travelling or paying for hotels thankfully, nor taking the day off!

MooChops89 · 31/05/2018 13:19

We got married on a Thursday because it was 10 years to the day we got together. It was about £400 cheaper because it was a week day in winter. Some people had a moan but they had 18 months to book it off. We weren't offended if anyone didn't come but actually they all did

Tinkie25 · 31/05/2018 13:20

Yanbu as you say 600 is a lot of money.

I got married on a Friday and I’m going to a Thursday wedding shortly. We’ve had enough notice to organise time off.

piggie88 · 31/05/2018 13:20

I got married on a Thursday, we had over 100 guests and they all came apart from one family of 4 who had already booked a holiday that week.
It was in school holidays so there wasn’t that to worry about but yours isn’t until 4 on a Friday so people with children may have to miss the actual ceremony but they will be there for the evening.
It’s your wedding, do whatever you want to do. I’d have it on the Friday if I was you.

whingeyarse · 31/05/2018 13:21

It's fine to have a Friday wedding if you can accept that some of your mum's points are entirely valid. You may have less guests than you would like.

EZA15 · 31/05/2018 13:21

We got married on a Monday. We made it clear to guests that there would be no ill feeling if they couldn’t come and many just came after work. It was brilliant because the ceremony was intimate and then it got busier as the night went on. We chose that day because we didn’t want loads of people attending in the first place! If we could have got away with eloping we would have.

Is agree that if the cost you’re saving is significant then you should do it. People have 6 months to get the day off work / sort out provision for childcare etc., but I don’t think should be upset if people choose not to attend

reallybadidea · 31/05/2018 13:24

A Friday would be fine, but any other day would be a pita I think.

cropcirclesinthefields · 31/05/2018 13:26

We had a Friday wedding as it was the better option for us, yes it was cheaper but everyone came who we invited. I think give the guests enough notice to book days off then it's fine to have your wedding on any day you choose.

phoenixtherabbit · 31/05/2018 13:27

No but you could be costing your guests a lot more than £600 in lost wages if many of them have to take unpaid leave (and even if not annual leave is hardly free

They don't have to go if its too much of an inconvenience for them.

MargaretCavendish · 31/05/2018 13:30

Have you spoken to your SIL about it? Some schools would let her take the day as unpaid leave (some really nice ones as paid leave!), but lots wouldn't. I do think that it would be quite unreasonable to book a wedding that you knew the groom's sister wouldn't be able to attend.

I don't really like the idea in general - I think it's transferring the cost from you to your guests - but I think it's the SIL who is the potential real dealbreaker here.

RoryDrinkUp · 31/05/2018 13:31

There are very few people I'd take a days holiday for a weekday wedding. Especially if it's Mon-Thurs meaning realistically people have to take the day after off as well if you want everyone to have a good time.

I'd find somewhere you can afford or invite less people.

Dippysnowoman · 31/05/2018 13:32

Yanbu.. ive had to turn down invites to weekend weddings cause of work so just go for whatever day you want. If you are ok with some people not being able to aytend then do whatever suits you. And i agree 600£ is a massive saving.

RoryDrinkUp · 31/05/2018 13:32

Just seen the difference is just £600!!!

We paid £3k more just for our venue for it being on a Saturday as opposed to a weekday and made it work- no way was I being forever known as one of 'those' who had a weekday wedding.

LoveInTokyo · 31/05/2018 13:32

They don't have to go if its too much of an inconvenience for them.

This is quite passive aggressive really.

We have been to plenty of weddings at massive cost and inconvenience because we liked the couple. But it made us more mindful of this kind of things when planning our own wedding and tried to make it as easy and inexpensive as possible for people to attend.

eggcellent · 31/05/2018 13:35

Tell your DM she can pay the difference if she's that bothered?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/05/2018 13:35

YANBU. We had a Friday wedding as it was a lot cheaper and we couldn't justify the extra money. I wasn't bothered if people couldn't come but everyone did.

MadisonAvenue · 31/05/2018 13:38

Friday wouldn't be such an inconvenience but we've had a couple of close family members chosen midweek weddings (one was a couple of years ago and another this Summer) and it's difficult as we feel we have to go with them being close family but they live a distance away.

What we noticed with the wedding a couple of years ago was that the evening reception was quite a muted affair and a lot of people were leaving early, and that's something we will have to do when we attend the wedding this Summer as we'll have to drive three hours back home as my husband can only get one day off work (we're driving down late the night before and staying in a hotel as it's a lunchtime wedding).

thecatsthecats · 31/05/2018 13:38

A late Friday wedding has a couple of advantages over an early-ish Saturday one.

I am neutral about weddings - some are fun, some are boring. I am not neutral about the getting ready faff - I always hate it! Getting up to arse about putting on make up and doing hair on a Saturday am is always a pain, especially where travel is required. Late Friday is so much more relaxed.

averythinline · 31/05/2018 13:39

I would go for the Friday just accept less people will come or save yourself lots of money and just go to the registry office...
and if you want spend your money on a wedding party somewhere on a saturday ...
I know a number of people that have done that and its worked really well as they got a nice venue for a party ...(things are often cheaper if you dont mention its a wedding) and had a less stressful time as lot less logistics to sort....and people attending had less hanging around...often they just did parents/siblings or bestmates/strangers as witnesses...

DontCallMeCharlotte · 31/05/2018 13:39

I feel a bit hypocritical about this.

I'm going to a family wedding on a Friday and that's fine, it will be a nice long weekend.

And yet I'm slightly miffed to be going to a Sunday wedding (of not very close friends) because I will have to take the Monday off to travel home.

There's no pleasing me!

Ansumpasty · 31/05/2018 13:39

I don’t think you can expect people to take the time off work and their children off school to attend. You will be saving money, but they’ll be losing it.
However, it’s your wedding so as long as you don’t take offence at some people not attending, do what you want

MargaretCavendish · 31/05/2018 13:39

YANBU. We had a Friday wedding as it was a lot cheaper and we couldn't justify the extra money. I wasn't bothered if people couldn't come but everyone did.

Why did you invite people who you 'weren't bothered' about them being there? Wasn't it a bit annoying that you ended up paying for them to attend when you don't care about them?

Charm23 · 31/05/2018 13:40

A Friday evening should be fine and worth the saving, especially if your budget won't allow for a Saturday wedding.
Go for it OP! It's your wedding and like other have pointed out, it's not like it's a Wednesday!
Congratulations :)

LoveInTokyo · 31/05/2018 13:43

I went to five weddings one year. If they’d all got married on a weekday to cut costs that would have been a week’s leave gone. Thankfully they didn’t.

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