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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:
PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 14:09

Half term dates are already taken unfortunately as that would have been ideal.

I wouldn't get upset with people who couldn't come. I've had to miss weddings on Saturdays before as I do shift work (and trying to get a Saturday off is more difficult than a weekday)

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 31/05/2018 14:10

Friday weddings are a pain. I resent using my annual leave which is even more precious now I have dc in school with all their holidays to cover.

£600 is not a huge amount for the convenience. I'd choose Saturday and make savings elsewhere.

HolidayHelpPlease · 31/05/2018 14:11

Go for it if you’re fine with people not being able to go. I’m a teacher, and I literally couldn’t get the time off for a wedding. Couldn’t even get a family funeral off!
Could you not go to the registry office on the Friday and have a blessing at the weekend?

LisaSimpsonsbff · 31/05/2018 14:11

I think it is madness to get married on a Saturday.

My DS is having a swanky wedding on a Tuesday for half the price of a Saturday.

I think you're mad if you think that wedding's going to have the atmosphere of a Saturday one, or that it won't piss off a lot of guests that the couple have saved a tonne of money but at the expense of their own convenience. Every Sun-Thurs wedding I've ever been to (I agree that Friday is much better in this regard) has had a pretty miserable atmosphere as people start sloping off at 9pm or even earlier. They charge more for Saturdays for a reason.

BananaBlaps · 31/05/2018 14:12

Have a think about your individual guests. I went to a Wednesday wedding once - it was fine as it was a very close friend and I was childless at the time.

If it’s a termtime wedding it will probably not be possible for any teachers (unless immediate family - heads often make an exception) or people with school age kids to attend.

So I guess you need to decide if you’re ok having it without those guests.

If other people can’t be bothered to take a day or half a day’s annual leave then they’re not that great a friend in my opinion! (Source: I would do this for my friends!)

MargaretCavendish · 31/05/2018 14:13

I wouldn't get upset with people who couldn't come. I've had to miss weddings on Saturdays before as I do shift work (and trying to get a Saturday off is more difficult than a weekday)

But do you think SIL might be a bit upset with you? If it turns out she can't come and you go ahead anyway I'd be prepared for it to cause a bit of family bad feeling - I'd be really hurt if my brother knew I couldn't come to a particular date for his wedding and then went ahead and booked it anyway.

ShatnersWig · 31/05/2018 14:14

As with every single wedding thread on MN ever, in the whole history of weddings....

YANBU to do whatever the heck you want to do for your wedding as long as you don't get stroppy if people are unable to fit in with your plans.

bella2bella · 31/05/2018 14:15

I'm not a massive fan of weekday weddings but do go to them and fridays better than other weekdays. I wouldn't be able to go to another in 2018 as by end of May all my leave is allocated for the year. I'd come later on if it were local though.

ForTheLoveOfCrispyCreme · 31/05/2018 14:15

Weekday wedding wouldn't bother me. But if it's not a full day I think I'd be put out to take a whole day off work for a wedding that starts at 4pm

HollyGoLoudly · 31/05/2018 14:16

YANBU - your wedding, your day. However you need to be prepared for some people not being able to make it - I'm a teacher and had to miss my friend's midweek wedding (although this may vary school by school, or an exception made as it is an immediate family member). Some people may have planned/booked all their annual leave already, might not be willing/able to take their kids out of school etc. I imagine most people will still make it but as long as you can accept that some people genuinely might not be able to come.

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 14:18

£600 is not a huge amount for the convenience. I'd choose Saturday and make savings elsewhere.

Lucky you - our combined wages will take a huge cut whilst I'm on maternity leave. Making savings elsewhere will mean not buying clothes or food. We weren't originally going to have a 'wedding' at all as we couldn't afford it, but with many overtime shifts and gifts from family we just about have enough. An extra £600 means another month of overtime for DP who's already putting in all the hours god sends.

OP posts:
ReasonableLlama · 31/05/2018 14:18

Speak to those you absolutely have to have or want there (SIL for example). If any of them can't make it then I would go for the winter Saturday or pick a different venue. If they can all make it then go ahead and book it knowing the main people will be there.

Just a couple of points though

  1. if you book now for next year, would the venue honour this years price? I know when I was looking at venues some venues offered current prices assuming you booked before they go up?

  2. you mentioned about training and not having the time to plan next year. You could plan it all now so it's all done for next year? Would that work?

I don't mind Friday weddings myself. But I do get lots more holiday than most people and I don't get invited to many weddings so for me annual leave isn't an issue. You might want to consider how far people are travelling, if it's quite far they may need to come up the day before so that means they will need to use 2 days leave.

I do object to weddings on other week days as it does mean using 2 days annual leave.

As a PP said, how many of your guests would actually need to take annual leave? For my wedding not many would have needed to take leave as a lot were retired.

The bottom line is; it's your day. If a lot of people were unable to make it cos it was on a Friday, would you look back in 10 years and still be glad you saved £600 but had some people missing?

allflownthenest · 31/05/2018 14:19

Go for your Friday wedding. 6 months notice is fine. If people want to come they will organise it.

One of my DSD's is getting married on a Friday and I don't think anyone has complained.

househunthappening · 31/05/2018 14:21

Of course you are not being unreasonable by having a weekday wedding, it is your day to do as you please. Plus a Friday is probably better that mid-week because many (not all) people will have Saturday off and they can make a nice 3 day weekend of it without having to worry about being hungover/tired on a weekday.

However, I have been to a weekday (Wednesday) wedding and it was not the same. It did not have the same feel about it, people did grumble about having to take the day off and lots of people had work the next day so left early/didn't drink because they couldn't be tired/hungover, or because they had get home to children. If that doesn't bother you, go for it!

With regards to the weather if you opt for a winter date, I had a summer wedding and it pissed down with heavy rain pretty much all day. The Saturday before or after would have given me glorious sunshine. Weather is luck of the draw and won't necessarily be typical for the time of year.

A few friends of mine have had October weddings and they have all had lovely sunny days, if a little chilly. I'm not sure how that comes up budget wise, but could that be an option?

BlueJava · 31/05/2018 14:22

I depends where the majority of your guests are. If they are local they might be pleased with a Friday evening do! However if they have to take the day off then just be prepared for some to say no. It's you and your DP's day though - so it's up to you.

summerinrome · 31/05/2018 14:22

It is your wedding, and the people that really want to be there will book an afternoon off! If the odd couple can't make it, it is hardly going to make a difference. Check your closest friends can make it, and then book it.
Friday evening is a very good choice and gives people all weekend to get over their hangovers!

Your MIL will moan whatever you do, ignore her and carry on doing what is right for you.

thenorthernluce · 31/05/2018 14:25

Our wedding was on a Friday AND child free 😜

We knew this might mean some of our invites guests would not attend. But all 55 did! Same as you, it was an afternoon ceremony with buffet reception starting at 6pm, which made it tons easier for some to even come straight from work. However, most took the day off anyway, esp those travelling from further afield.

So do it and ignore your DM.

MoodyTwo · 31/05/2018 14:26

I think weekday weddings are fab! My LO is in nursery and I can attend the day do, I have to leave at 5 to pick him up tho x

Laiste · 31/05/2018 14:30

I got married on a Tuesday afternoon with 4 months notice.

Invited 20 guests, everyone said yep fine, and they all came. The venue was 3 times the price for a Saturday and we couldn't afford that.

NotTheQueen · 31/05/2018 14:32

Most people would welcome an excuse for a long weekend, and as many guests will only need the afternoon off, it’s no worse than skipping out early for a doctors appointment. As a PP said, think of it as natural selection. I’ve beeb to two Friday weddings, and that’s not bothered me...

My bloody in laws choosing Christmas weddings necessitating holiday peak priced flights to the ass end of nowhere, now that’s a problem. If your DM is worried, I’m eager to swap a wedding in rural Czech on 22 December this year?

Irksomeness · 31/05/2018 14:33

A weekday wedding will save you money but cost your guests more. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think your SIL being a teacher might be a big problem. Can your partner ask her if it is ok for her.

MaisyPops · 31/05/2018 14:34

It's up to you what you choose to do, but as a teacher I would be hurt if a family member booked their wedding on a weekday in term time knowing fine well I'd probably not be able to attend. Much as I'd be nice, it would create a bit of ill-feeling.

You're potentially creating awkwardness within family and for £600 that doesn't seem worth it.

TroubledLichen · 31/05/2018 14:34

Your wedding your choice. Mother in law doesn’t get a say.

I’ve been to Friday weddings but I was in a job with a generous holiday allowance and virtually no restriction on when I could take time off. Obviously this isn’t the case for everyone and think very carefully if you really would be ok if a good number of your nearest and dearest couldn’t make it. In your circumstances though I don’t think I’d consider it knowing that DP’s sister couldn’t be there as she’s a teacher.

If you could afford a Saturday in winter I’d go for this hands down. It’s the UK so you can’t guarantee good weather even in summer and a Saturday would likely mean a better turn out.

To reiterate though, your wedding your choice!

Mitzimaybe · 31/05/2018 14:38

Friday is fine as long as you appreciate that not everyone will be able to make it and don't get upset or precious about it. Monday to Thursday are far worse for people.

Bubblysqueak · 31/05/2018 14:38

could you start it a little later e.g 5 or 5.30pm ceremony. could sil then leave school almost as soon as the children leave and then get to the ceremony in time (if not too far away)

Then depending when in autumn it could be very pretty with candles etc. if you wanted outside photos could you do those before the ceremony?

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