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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:
Robinkitty · 31/05/2018 17:17

I didn’t enjoy the week day wedding I last went to. Dh had to use a day of his annual leave, I had to take a day unpaid, neither of us could drink due to work the next day and travelling home and we had to take the kids with us as both sets of grandparents were also at work.. I was lucky to go at all really as it was just before the school got strict with absence.

DoneDisappeared · 31/05/2018 17:19

If it bothers your MIL so much why doesn't she offer you the £600?

MargaretCavendish · 31/05/2018 17:29

It's interesting (and telling) that people keep assuming that it's OP's MIL who was down on her wedding plans - she says it was 'DM', i.e. her mother.

LoveInTokyo · 31/05/2018 18:11

There’s a lot of people on this thread saying “we got married on a weekday and everyone came”. Yeah, maybe they came but they had to give up a day’s pay, or a day’s annual leave which meant they couldn’t have the holiday they wanted, and they felt resentful about it but didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to spoil your day.

We have been to a lot of weddings where we have privately grumbled to each other about some aspect of the arrangements (usually people choosing to get married at a venue in the arse end of nowhere that costs a fortune to get to and stay over) but we would never dream of making our feelings known to the couple.

The thing about having your wedding on a weekday is that most people who have jobs will usually be working on weekdays, and unless you get married outside term time children will be at school and some people such as teachers just won’t be able to get the time off.

Yes maybe you can make it work, and maybe most people will still come and they won’t say anything to you even if it is inconvenient, because they’re your friends.

But essentially it is something that you can only get away with because most other people don’t do it. If everybody started getting married during the week, to the point where people who get invited to several weddings in a year are forced to use up a big chunk of their annual leave, there would soon be a bit of a backlash.

TroubledLichen · 31/05/2018 18:15

I think (hope) people just misread the OP as it was quite long and SIL being a teacher and consequently not able to take time off on a Friday is mentioned before DM’s doom and gloom.

The points people are making about going ahead knowing SIL can’t come, people’s ability/willingness to use annual leave and the fact that it’s the OP and DP’s wedding so their decision still stand whether it’s the DM or the MIL being negative though. And it’s not unreasonable to think that MIL might also be upset if they go with a Friday and SIL can’t be there.

lulu12345 · 31/05/2018 18:23

Personally I’d put it off 6 months or a year or so in order to (1) save up and make it a weekend day (it’s just so much easier for everyone and it’s stressful enough planning a wedding without much-wanted guests grumbling or not coming) and (2) give yourself a bit more time to recover from the birth. Frankly for me the 2nd point is the bigger one.. you might be absolutely fine but just speaking from experience I’d have been a blooming mess getting married with a 4 month old. Definitely not feeling physically good about myself and struggling by with very little sleep! If you’re breastfeeding you’d need to have a bf-friendly wedding dress and can’t get drunk! (Perhaps a bit superficial I know!)

CraftyGin · 31/05/2018 18:23

Most of our family and friends have 4 - 5 weeks annual leave, so not a problem to give up one or two days. DH is often forced to take leave. We also have family coming from overseas, so midweek is a lot more convenient.

IAmMumWho · 31/05/2018 18:24

I had mine on a Wednesday because it was cheaper and who came cane. Didn't expect a lot of people due to work commitments but was happy at my outcome

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/05/2018 18:26

I think a Friday Om wedding is very reasonable . It’s a half day off work surely ?

Bluelady · 31/05/2018 18:34

We got married on the Wednesday after Easter. This was done not to save money although it did, but to accommodate several of my new ils who were/are teachers. Everybody we invited came. A wedding late on a Friday sounds fine. If people won't take an afternoon off work you probably won't miss them.

MissP103 · 31/05/2018 18:45

I wouldn't go to a weekday wedding. It's really too much of a hassle especially with DC even if it's a close friend /family member.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 31/05/2018 18:51

As long as you don't mind half your guests won't come, the rest will think you have a cheek expecting them to waste a day of leave for you and you are announcing to the world that you are a cheapskate, then crack on

Dieu · 31/05/2018 18:53

I think a late wedding on a Friday is perfectly acceptable, and I would totally go!

Buxbaum · 31/05/2018 18:58

Depends how much it matters to STBDH to have his sister there. If her headteacher does grant her leave it will be unpaid. This very practical consideration is more important than MIL’s moans, IMHO.

rosie1959 · 31/05/2018 19:00

Have what day suits you My DD had a Friday wedding very few people could not make it Didn't have one guest who raised the issue and it was considerably cheaper by a couple of thousand

RedForFilth · 31/05/2018 19:19

19lottie82 why only highlight the parts of my post that fit your point? I'm a single parent so can't use my leave for stuff like that because there is myself alone to look after my son. Nothing to do with being a "true friend". Luckily my friends understand how difficult things are for me at the minute so don't base my friendship around the constraints put on me for having a demanding job, being a single mum and caring for my grandparents because they're nice people.

yy558 · 31/05/2018 20:18

Yanbu. Its your money and how you spend it is up to you. And being wise with your money is especially important in this event. (In this economy too??!?) And if you explain that, I'm sure people will understand and you also have to understand that peopleare likely not to come.

I'm having a Monday wedding in September with just our parents personally and dinner and cake at home. But we are hermits. :)

RedForFilth · 31/05/2018 20:26

yy558 that sounds like my kind of wedding! My sister had parents and siblings and it was the best wedding I've been to!

dragonwarrior · 31/05/2018 20:45

I think some replies are unfair.... saying people cba etc

Individual people will have situations that mean they just don't have the leave to take. Personally I wouldn't have any spare leave this year due to other things we have been committed to already!

OP - you need to do what works for you but if people cannot make it, you cannot hold that against them if you chose a weekday.... equally there are people who work weekends that for whatever reason might not be able to get the time off so you'll never win!

Congratulations and enjoy your day!

hibbledibble · 31/05/2018 21:02

Nothing wrong with getting married on a weekday. You do just need to accept though that fewer people will likely be able to make it. If you are on a tight budget this may be a good thing though.

midnightmisssuki · 31/05/2018 21:06

Husband went to one yesterday - I didn’t go because we have children and it was a child free wedding. If I wanted to go - i would have had to pay so we said he would go. He had to take a day off for it. I think it does inconvenience people but you do what you feel confirm with.

MrsLaurac · 31/05/2018 21:07

Sorry imo yabu here £600 to me isnt worth the inconvenience so many people would incur and probably additional costs for guests too had it of been a large amount ywnbu
And its not always as easy as oh they cant be arsed to come you simply cannot know what commitments every single person has at work or schools for kids etc. Ywbeu to think that way

ForalltheSaints · 31/05/2018 22:16

I think a Friday wedding is perfectly OK. Perhaps a little further ahead as for some people booking holiday has to be longer in advance. If you choose during a school holiday then any children you'd like to invite can come.

Fibbertigibbet · 31/05/2018 22:19

It's your wedding, you can do what you want.

Expect a lot of your guests, including those who you really want there, to not come. It is not always easy to take days off in the week for people.

Personally, I would (and did) save the money elsewhere.

Fabricwitch · 31/05/2018 22:35

We got married on a Monday and all of our 30 guests came.
The last wedding I was a guest at was a big flashy do, about 200 guests "no expense too much" type thing. And it was on a Friday. I think that was so they had time for the day after party, and then everyone could recover/travel home on the Sunday. Oh and there was the big rehearsal dinner on the Thursday too.
I don't think a midweek wedding is inconvenient, I'm just as likely to be working on a weekend day anyways.