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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:
MrBrainsFaggots · 31/05/2018 22:53

Friday 4pm is considerate.

Thursday early afternoon is not. Venue 250+miles away and wedding party expected at dinner night before. Looking at taking half day Weds to travel, whole of Thursday + Friday to return. Part timer with 9 days holiday per year. Sucks.

Fabricwitch · 31/05/2018 23:04

There are a lot more inconvenient (and pushing extra costs onto guests) ways people plan weddings imo.
Expecting people to go to three day events but only paying for the wedding meal.
Having it far away with the only accommodation being the luxurious country house that they just had to have, but you have to pay for the room yourself.
Having it in any way close to Christmas.
I could go on.
A weekday wedding is absolutely fine imo, especially if you can't afford the extra £600. In the Republic of Ireland civil ceremonies can only be done Monday to Friday, 9-5. And Friday weddings are becoming the norm. It's really not the big deal some people are making it out to be.
And I would take a day's holiday, or unpaid leave, for any of my friends weddings, as long as work would let me.

Thehop · 31/05/2018 23:12

I’ve been to loads of Friday weddings! Go ahead and book it and have a lovely day. If people don’t like it, it’s not forced that they come z

GoJohnnyGoGoGoGo · 31/05/2018 23:22

One of my dear friends got married on a Wednesday for financial reasons. My employer would not let me have the time off. It was over 2 hours away so I couldn't even make the evening do as I'd have to leave almost straight away. I am still a bit gutted I missed it. She had a wonderful day mind, and in the grand scheme of things it didn't make a difference to her day.

CocoM2017 · 01/06/2018 09:17

Friday weddings are fine I think. Especially as you’re having the ceremony at 4. Anyone close enough to be invited to the day would take half a day or a couple of hours off work I’m sure!

And then the reception, well, it’s FRIDAY NIGHT, who doesn’t like to let their hair down and party on a Friday night?! The majority won’t have to get up for work the next day etc, so all good.

Having said all of the above, I’ve seen a few people on my FB get married on a Tuesday/ Wednesday etc and yes it’s horrible but I do cringe slightly. The people attending would’ve likely have had to take 2 days annual leave if they wanted to have a few drinks etc at the reception. That’s a lot for someone else’s wedding unless they are v close friends or family.

waddlemyway · 01/06/2018 14:47

Where I live you can't get married on a Saturday! So Friday is the day of choice but any weekday goes. You get an official day off work if you are a witness and two if it's your own wedding though! Weddings are a smaller affair as a result!

VaselineHero · 01/06/2018 16:59

Totally normal in Ireland to have a Friday wedding. God for it!

VaselineHero · 01/06/2018 16:59

Go...

slippersandtea · 01/06/2018 18:48

We got married on a Tuesday at 5pm. We only invited family and close friends but as we both have big families this was nearly 80 people. Everyone we invited came but we wouldn't have minded at all if someone hadn't been able to make it. I checked with a small number of people I really wanted there before we booked the date and then went for it. We had a lovely day and think our guests did too. I don't regret it at all but would definitely have regretted paying the extra £5000 it would have cost to do exactly the same the following Saturday.

labradoodle32 · 01/06/2018 19:45

Friday is fine for a wedding. We got married on a Friday and had a party on the Saturday and then people had Sunday to recover. We lost about 20 people off the invites but that's not bad plus it was two weeks to Christmas

HairyToity · 01/06/2018 20:09

I don't mind a midweek wedding. Sounds fab.

HairyToity · 01/06/2018 20:10

P. S I've even been to a Thursday wedding, and it wasn't a problem.

HairyToity · 01/06/2018 20:20

PPS My husband usually works a weekend. He prefers a midweek wedding as he can get time off easier, and often does not have to take a day's holiday.

frami · 01/06/2018 22:02

I will encourage my children to have weekday weddings. We have a huge family whom we would be obliged to invite, even the ones we can't stand. A weekday wedding would hopefully put some of them off!

Seriously though in Ireland where my family are from Friday weddings are quite common. Those who want to come will make the effort and if it's anything it extends the partying over the whole weekend.

AgnesBrownsCat · 01/06/2018 22:11

I got married on a weekday . It was the only day the hotel could fit us in that year in July or August . I don’t know if it was cheaper than a Saturday would have been as that wasn’t why we chose it .

Lily2009 · 01/06/2018 22:12

AIBU to feel that he’s BU?

So just come out the other side of a hideous divorce from a narcissistic ex. My decision to leave after years of emotional bullying. I’ve never stopped him from seeing our two kids, quite the opposite, I pushed for mediation to try and get him to set up regular, more frequent access. Came to nothing but I tried. Anyway, got an email today saying that if I didn’t agree to him not paying any maintenance for the month of August then he wouldn’t see the children at all and would never ask to have them again in the 6 wks holiday. That coupled with a few other emotional blackmailing goodies like ‘when you decided to finish our family’ etc. We’ve been separated, living apart for nearly 3 yrs so this isn’t fresh anger. The question is, is it reasonable to give in to his demand not to pay maintenance for 1 month in exchange for having his own kids for more nights than he would do ordinarily? He has them for the weekend every other week. We never set the arrangement up via CSA due to the charges and he basically bullied me not to. I’m feeling like utter crap right now but maybe I’m just being over-emotional....?

Lily2009 · 01/06/2018 22:14

Whoops sorry folks I should have started a new post. How embarrassing 😱

justkeeprunning5 · 01/06/2018 22:28

Think Friday is absolutely fine, I expect most people would be happy with a long weekend off work. If it’s local and they didn’t want to take the whole day off on the Friday they could do half day for a 4pm start.

I went to a Tuesday wedding once, was a bit of a buzz kill for guests as most had work the next day. I’m sure the Bride and Groom didn’t notice but as a guest it was hard to let yourself go with an hour cab journey home and then an early start e next day. Friday I would say go for it!

Chocwocdoodah · 02/06/2018 00:15

Same as a pp. We got married on a weekday as it was significantly cheaper. The money we saved was spent on ensuring everyone was really well fed and watered throughout the day with a free bar. We gave everyone a year’s notice so they had plenty of time to plan. Our thinking was we would only invite people who were close family or really good friends - and if they found it too much of an arse to book a day off, screw ‘em, they obviously don’t care enough about us to make the effort so we wouldn’t want them there anyway!

fifig87 · 02/06/2018 00:58

Have been to loads of Friday weddings. Actually have two coming up in the next few months. Not a big deal at all.

Kind of prefer it, usually have a night out with the bridal party the saturday night. Handy to have sunday to recover!

In Ireland as well and our weddings usually start at 1.30pm!!

Do what you want, someone will always have a moan about something. Let them on and tune it out.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 02/06/2018 21:07

If you are going to do it on a week day then Friday is the best day to pick IMO. There’s no getting around the fact that it’s an inconvenience for people who will have to book the day off work, but I suppose it’s also a good way of testing who really wants to be there. Most people will find a way of getting the day off if they really want to....

postcardsfrom · 02/06/2018 21:15

That’s fine but not everyone you want to be there will be able to come on a weekday

MexicanBob · 02/06/2018 21:18

It's weekend weddings that are a pain as they usually mean cancelling events you want to go to. Weekday ones only mean getting a day off work but you get booze and cakes in return. Have yours on a weekday. YANBU.

wendiwoowho · 02/06/2018 21:23

You could always try and plan it for a Friday when the local schools are off?
As I could see it being an issue for your SIL who will struggle to get the day off within term time.

Chocolate1984 · 02/06/2018 23:00

I've been to a Thursday wedding & a few Friday weddings & didn't mind taking the day off. I was invited to the whole day, it was reasonable driving distance & I was good friends with the bride.

Only mid week wedding I didn't go to was a Tuesday, evening only & was so far away I would have had to take 2 days off & stay over. Hadn't seen the girl got a few years so wasn't bothered.

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