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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a wedding on a weekday

222 replies

PoppySeedBun18 · 31/05/2018 12:54

So DP and I are hoping to get married in the Autumn - we want things to be low budget and low key, especially as we will have a 4 month old DD at the time. We've found a nice venue quite close to where we live and they offer an evening package which is a lot cheaper than a whole day event. So we would have the ceremony around 4pm followed by a buffet and then dancing etc. The issue is that we would prefer a Friday as it's about £600 cheaper than a Saturday - and also if we wanted a weekend date we would have to go for the Winter which could come with added problems (we live semi-rural and flooding/ice can be a nightmare).

DM (the biggest pessimist in the world) is sounding off saying that no-one would come as it's a weekday and that she thinks she wont get the day off work (despite it being nearly 6 months away!) She's also been saying that anyone with children wont come because of school and that we should move it to a weekend as it will be more convenient for her. I might add that this is the same woman who said I shouldn't bother with a wedding at all and just go down the registry office as it's cheaper! If we do go for a Saturday it would have to be later in the Winter to which she then started lamenting that it would be too cold - I can't win!! I normally don't listen to DM's doom and gloom but it did get me thinking about my friends with school age kids and future SIL who is a teacher.

I'm now in a quandary. Do I stick with the cheaper day and accept that some people may have to miss the ceremony part or shell out the extra money for a weekend date later in the year?

In addition, I would prefer to get married this year as the prices go up next year and once I'm off maternity leave next Spring I will be doing a full time training course with no time for any sort of wedding planning!

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 31/05/2018 13:44

Friday evening sounds fine, sort of. Be prepared for a number of people not being able to make the 4pm ceremony, though.

TheShapeOfEwe · 31/05/2018 13:46

It's up to you and it really is your day, but I personally find weekday weddings a huge inconvenience and I've missed a couple which I would have liked to attend because they are on a weekday and I couldn't take the time off work.

Even with 6 months' notice you're still asking people to give up at least one day of holiday (more if they have to travel), and that can cause issues. Teachers are unlikely to be allowed the time off at all.

All this being said - it's still your day and your choice! If it's a big saving for you it may well be worth losing a few guests for the sake of it. As long as you're prepared to accept that some people won't be able to come and won't be resentful about that, there is no reason why you shouldn't.

It sounds like a lovely wedding, and I hope you have a great day when it comes.

Heroo · 31/05/2018 13:46

Friday evening?

That isn't that bad. Most people can take a half day if they are local.

MissHavisham1984 · 31/05/2018 13:47

I am a marriage registrar and weekday weddings are just as popular as weekend ceremonies. I perform as many ceremonies during the week as I do at the weekends.

Katiepoes · 31/05/2018 13:48

We got married on a Monday because Fri -Sun the places we wanted had minimum numbers almost three times our guestlist, they were booked out for 2 years on weekends AND (most importantly) as it was civil ceremony could only be done on a weekday anyway. Go ahead and book your day and enjoy it, no matter what you do someone will find a fault.

It's not always cheaper either btw - we had a better choice of suppliers but rates were the same (apart from minimum numbers). Irish wedding industry - puts hedge fund managers to shame.

QueenOfMyWorld · 31/05/2018 13:48

Do it.We got married at 3.30pm on a Thursday,people who wanted to come came,those that couldn't come didn't,brilliant day and cheaper than a weekend

shinycat · 31/05/2018 13:49

YANBU to want to save money, and have it on a weekday (Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding and new baby BTW! 😊)

However, it is a sure thing (IMO) that some people won't go. People who are close to you will go though. (I would have thought.) If it was a relative or close pal of mine I would go, but if it was an acquaintance or neighbour I wasn't massively close to, I wouldn't book time off. So be prepared for some people to decline.

I think you also need to ignore your mother!!!

HTH. Smile

shinycat · 31/05/2018 13:51

Re 'queen' above ^ maybe having it later in the day may help (like 4pm) so people can just have a couple of hours of work, rather than book a whole day.

PuppetOnAString · 31/05/2018 13:51

I wouldn’t mind at all about a Friday wedding but I work shifts so can plan it. However you just have to expect that some people won’t go, don’t be upset about it. That includes your SIL, as a teacher she may not be able to get the time off. Unless you book in half term.

SilverBirchTree · 31/05/2018 13:51

I dislike weekday weddings.

Your guests will lose much more money than you save.

Also a wedding with a 4 month old baby is ambitious... hosting a party was the last thing I felt like doing that month.

TheLionRoars1110 · 31/05/2018 13:52

I got married on a Thursday in half term (we had to - lots of teachers in the family and not many options venue wise). We'd assumed nobody would come. EVERYONE showed up.
If people don't like it they can say no thanks. It's not a big deal is it? If someone wants to take offence so be it. they've been invited to a party - if they don't want to come so be it. It's their problem if they get offended. Enjoy your day!

Murane · 31/05/2018 13:52

It's fine if you accept that some people will be unable to attend, and some people will have to skip the ceremony and just come straight to the reception about 7pm. Teachers will find it virtually impossible to take a day off during term time. Others with important jobs might struggle to book a day off if the wedding falls at a time when they're in the middle of a big project or have to see an important client. Parents might find it difficult to attend if there's nobody else to collect DC from school. Booking your Friday during school holidays would minimise the impact.

Personally I'd be looking at the budget and trying to find an extra £600 for a Saturday wedding by cutting out something else. We afforded our Saturday wedding by not having bridesmaids (so no dresses to buy), not hiring a car (we stuck ribbons on my Dad's car and he drove us), and I did my own hair and makeup.

Wellthisunexpected · 31/05/2018 13:54

As long as you are prepared for some people to be unable to come, then go for it. Entirely your choice.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/05/2018 13:55

Why did you invite people who you 'weren't bothered' about them being there? Wasn't it a bit annoying that you ended up paying for them to attend when you don't care about them?

I did care about them (I wouldn't have invited them otherwise Confused) but if they hadn't been able to come I would have understood and not been bothered in the sense that it wouldn't have affected our relationships.

lechhy · 31/05/2018 13:56

If you're booking a Friday wedding, why not do it during half term week so your SIL, people with children are able to attend?

Lots of parents have the half terms off anyway, so that covers childcare and then you're less likely to make it difficult for people (esp your sil) to come.

MargaretCavendish · 31/05/2018 13:58

If you're booking a Friday wedding, why not do it during half term week so your SIL, people with children are able to attend?

The venue will probably charge more for the Friday of half term, and it sounds like they have very limited availability anyway so it's likely already booked.

agentdaisy · 31/05/2018 14:02

Weekday weddings are a pita for guests, especially those with kids.

Your sil would be highly unlikely to get the day off if she's a teacher and friends/family with children may not want to risk a fine (£60 per parent, per child) which can be expensive if you have a couple of kids. My dcs school is clamping down on term time absence and there's no way I'd risk a £120 fine per child to go to a wedding (which bil doesn't understand and is currently not speaking to me about).

Can you book it for the Friday of October half term as suggested by pp? That way your sil will be able to come and it eliminates the risk of fines for taking kids out of school for the day.

Getting the day off work could be as much of a problem for a Saturday wedding as for a Friday one. There are plenty of people who routinely work weekends who would have to use a day's holiday for a Saturday wedding.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 31/05/2018 14:04

It’s your day so you should go for the Friday if it suits you.

My BIL got married on a Friday. This meant that DH and I and our DCs could only go to the evening. (DCs at school, in fact DD had an A level exam that day, I work in school and with only one car DH had to wait for me to finish work). We got a lot of “you should have called in sick” but I wouldn’t do that to my colleagues and I’m pretty sure it would have been a problem for DD to miss an A level she needed for uni!

So long as you are going to be understanding of people who cannot take time off then YANBU.

Jaxhog · 31/05/2018 14:05

Do it. It's about YOU getting married, not your friends having a free meal.

If they want to come, they'll find a way. If not, you'll have a really cheap wedding!

CraftyGin · 31/05/2018 14:06

I think it is madness to get married on a Saturday.

My DS is having a swanky wedding on a Tuesday for half the price of a Saturday.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 31/05/2018 14:06

I got married on a Friday. Everyone who was invited came.

I've also attended a few Friday weddings and one Thursday. It's very common these days.

Amanduh · 31/05/2018 14:06

Yanbu to have it the day you want but lots of people - especially teachers - won’t be able to come

CornishMaid1 · 31/05/2018 14:07

I had a Friday wedding and it was great. Some had to take the day off, but it depends on their job. Some people couldn't make the day and came in the evening instead, but it was our day and if they couldn't come we understood.

If you want a weekday a Friday is the best day - people travelling can make a weekend of it and no work for most the next day (I went to an evening do on a Wednesday which felt like a really odd day).

I have a teacher cousin who couldn't come to the day because of work, but came in the evening instead. Maybe speak to SIL if you want her there to see if she can take a Friday. If not, what about seeing if there is a Friday in half-term or at the end of the summer holidays that is the same price?

expatinscotland · 31/05/2018 14:07

As long as you're fine with people not being able to attend or wanting to use annual leave to get to the wedding . . .

TheWernethWife · 31/05/2018 14:09

We had a Wednesday wedding, a very small affair with lunch in a gastropub. The date was very relevant in our relationship, people took annual leave to attend.