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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH has invited MIL to come on our holiday!!

212 replies

MeMeMeow85 · 30/05/2018 23:18

For some reason DH decided to invite his mother to come on our holiday to Disneyworld next year!! I’m really annoyed!

He just announced “Great, mum’s said she’ll come with us to Orlando” as if that’s a really wonderful thing!!!! Apparently it’s such a good idea, as she will “be a great help with the DC” 🙄

DC1 will be 4 and DC2 will be 18 months. In no way will MIL want to be the designated babysitter, as she will see the trip as her holiday too...yet we would have to pay for everything, as she’s retired and doesn’t have much in the way of savings.

I really don’t want to pay for a second hotel room at Disney or change our plans to somewhere less expensive! I also want it to be special time for our little family without having to take another person’s wishes into account every day...

DH is an only child and she’s been on her own for over 30 years, so I know he wants to be inclusive, but she needs entertaining, she won’t do anything by herself to give us some space and I’m the one who will end up engaging with her the whole time (when she comes to stay every month, DH is usually at work or if he’s at home, he’s in the study or garden). I have to listen to her witter away about nonsense all evening when I really just want to be quiet and zone out after the little ones are asleep. Also, she complains a lot about a lot of inane things and has strong opinions about subjects she doesn’t know much about!!

Am I being unreasonable to insist that he backtracks somehow on the invite??

I should add that she’s kind and thoughtful and DC1 adores her... she would be really upset if she knew she was unwelcome. Maybe we should cancel the holiday and wait till the following year (2020) when she might forget the invite and we can go just the 4 of us??!

OP posts:

PositiveVibez · 31/05/2018 02:48

Your DH is selfish for doing that, but I am sorry, I totally agree that taking such young children to Disneyland is a waste of money. The won't remember it at all. Disneyland Paris maybe, but not the one in America. Cancel and go elsewhere with the mil.

bevelino · 31/05/2018 04:16

I agree with other posters who say your children are too young for Disneyworld which leads me to think that the holiday is mainly for you and your dh. Your dh may think that inviting his mother along will enable her to babysit while you both enjoy yourself. However, it’s your holiday and if you don’t want your mil there just say no.

Unsure123123 · 31/05/2018 04:24

Agree with all who have said DC are too young. It's hot, hard work and your children won't enjoy it as much as if you leave it till they are older.

Take everyone to Paris Disney. It's a much better option! Mil will be for a shorter time. Cheaper and your DC will be easier as its smaller and not as hardwork!

PomPomtheGreat · 31/05/2018 06:58

Time for a dazzling Kristen Bell smile and a, 'That's a hard no, babe!' I think.

SometimesMaybe · 31/05/2018 07:04

Totally disagree with those who say your kids are too young. We went with kids that age and they had a blast. Been the best holiday we did as a family. We will go again when they are old enough to go on different rides (and probably won’t want to go on Dumbo!)

Puttingthefootdown · 31/05/2018 07:09

I mean yanbu because he should of asked first. But I love my mil so I'd probably be over the moon. Which isn't much help to you I know. Can she come for half?

Bibesia · 31/05/2018 07:17

I'd agree with postponing, because your children are too young. They may enjoy it, but if you're spending that much you want it to be a holiday they'll remember.

AllMYSmellySocks · 31/05/2018 07:18

YANBU. Your DH is being very manipulative to invite her without asking you! Now you have to uninvited her which obviously makes you the bad guy or just have her on the holiday which isn't what you wanted. I would do a lower key holiday (e.g. camping in the uK) which MiL can come along on and save this major holiday for just your family, You need to put your foot down in general too. If your DH invites his mum to visit he needs to entertain her in the evening. He also needs to ask you before any invite is made.

patientzero · 31/05/2018 07:20

I love my MIL to bits but a long weekend away with her, DH & DSD last year nearly ruined our relationship completely. We took her as we thought it’d be nice for her and DSD to do some art galleries together as DH and I aren’t keen. DSD is 17 so doesn’t need babysitting. MIL agreed but then when we got there decided she needed to be at DH’s side at all times. She was also rude to cafe and restaurant staff which was mortifying. Never, ever again!

lifechangesforever · 31/05/2018 07:21

All the people saying 'your kids are too young for Disney world' that isn't the point of the post and there's never 'too young' either. Our DD is going at 4 months old and we cannot wait - she won't remember but we certainly will and we'll have all the videos and photos to show her before she goes back again in another couple of years. It's so much more than rides.

Whilst DH should absolutely have asked you about MIL coming along and I understand the trepidation - you may be very thankful for an extra pair of hands on the long days walking and queuing, swimming etc. It also means you can go on rides together as a couple instead of doing rider swap. Our trip this year was just DH and I, then we found out we were pregnant and now MIL and FIL are coming to help out.

They are staying in a villa though, whereas we're staying at Disney so it does give us some space from each other, can appreciate you not wanting to be in one room.

LakieLady · 31/05/2018 07:26

My MIL is great and I love her to bits, but no way would I want her joining us on holiday if it was just us (I'd feel differently if some of the other ILs were coming). Thankfully, DP wouldn't dream of inviting her!

I think the diplomatic thing to do would be to postpone this trip for a couple of years and tell her you're deferring it till the DCs are old enough to really appreciate it.

When you do go, you can conveniently get an amazing deal where it would be hugely expensive to pay for an extra solo adult.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 31/05/2018 07:28

I should add that she’s kind and thoughtful and DC1 adores her... she would be really upset if she knew she was unwelcome

Why are women so vile to their MILs? This person gave birth to, raised and shaped the man you fell in love with enough to marry and have children with. You will be a MIL one day too.......

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2018 07:30

Wow. Im surprised you haven’t skinned him alive yet. What a dick move. I agree with pps, save the money and go when your DC’s are older.

I’d either do Disneyland Paris for a long weekend or preferably to Legoland. If you go to Disney, you can fly and stay at an apparthotel with 2 rooms or stay a caravan park close to Disney. With the former, you can take the bus into Disney and with the latter, drive in. I’d probably go for the latter with children this age. But you’d have to drive to France. Preferably at 4 and 18 months, I’d go to Windsor. Very little driving. You can stay at an Airbnb. Will your mil cook?

If your mil were paying for herself, I’d suggest doing an all inclusive holiday as you then have very little extra work but that’s going to be horrendously expensive for you.

auntyflonono · 31/05/2018 07:32

Book a holiday cottage to the isle of Wight and invite her to that. There will be room to avoid her if you need to. Disney is too intense for your relationship to survive.

Yogagirl123 · 31/05/2018 07:34

YANBU he should have discussed it with you first before inviting her. Now either way someone will end up upset unfortunately. I hope you get it sorted out.

SalemBlackCat · 31/05/2018 07:35

What is with people inviting their MIL on a holiday with them? When did that start? It makes no sense. Tell him what you wrote, and if he is any kind of decent and moral man he will apologise to you. If your MIL accepted without checking it is ok with you, she clearly lacks boundaries and if she is any sort of MIL she will understand. What your husband did would upset most women (or partners). He is in the wrong, not you.

colditz · 31/05/2018 07:35

Foot down, don't go.

pinkhorse · 31/05/2018 07:36

Your children are very young for Disney. You'd all enjoy it more when they're a bit older (able to go on more rides, will remember it etc) so maybe change the venue and wait a few years for Disney

AllMYSmellySocks · 31/05/2018 07:37

Why are women so vile to their MILs? This person gave birth to, raised and shaped the man you fell in love with enough to marry and have children with. You will be a MIL one day too.......

Not wanting to bring your MiL on a special family holiday is not being vile!

JustDanceAddict · 31/05/2018 07:37

Ugh! I feel for you. I have to endure a lot more MIL time than is strictly necessary and I’d be extremely annoyed in your case. Mine sounds like yours in terms of the wittering and uninformed opinions and I wouldn’t be able to stand that for a whole holiday. PILs did come on a few hols when the kids were young but they were together and so MIL wasn’t a ‘hanger on’ so to speak.

belleandsnowwhite · 31/05/2018 07:37

I took a 2 and 5 yo last year. The 2 year loved it so much and wasn't to young at all. We are going again when hes a few years older though.

kaytee87 · 31/05/2018 07:39

There's no point in taking children that small, they won't be able to go on anything. They'll be too hot, tired and grumpy waiting in queues for hours.
Go to Disney land Paris and save Orlando for when the youngest is 6.

Chocolatelavender · 31/05/2018 07:40

Your dh inviting his mum without discussing it with you is completely unfair to you and your MIL. She might be under the impression that you have both discussed this and both want her to come. Finding out that this isn't true would be very hurtful. If your dh refuses to uninvite your MIL and you really need a holiday without her could you just refuse to go? Present it in a way that you think it would be nice for MIL to have a bonding holiday with her son and older dgc. Dh takes your older dc and his mum and you and younger dc (who might be too young for Disney) have a separate holiday?

StepBackNow · 31/05/2018 07:42

Nearly every MiL thread I see on here makes me thank the Lord for my wonderful DiLs. They are kind, loving, inclusive and grateful for anything we do for them, even though we want to do it.

He's asked her now. If you make him take it back it will ruin your relationship with MiL and probably with him.

expatinscotland · 31/05/2018 07:44

I'd scrap the entire holiday.

And leave every month when he invites her and buggers off to the study or garden.

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