or is it a bit rude to ask 'was your baby planned'?

[HollyGoLoudly]

Almost 6 months pregnant and, just had the 6th person ask me if it was planned. It's always people I don't know very well (colleagues or friends of friends) and it was the first thing they asked after saying congratulations.

Wonder if it's because I'm not married (although I am in a very long term, stable relationship) - do people think you wouldn't start a family on purpose without being married so assume it must be an accident? Am I being too sensitive or is this a rude thing to ask someone?

People often feel uncomfortable when told of a pregnancy as really it’s nothing to them and they don’t care at all but are expected to say something.

Here are some tips that don’t involve asking someone if they were using condoms:

‘Congratulations!’
‘When is it due? Oh how lovely, a winter baby with all those snuggles/a summer baby, you’ll get the best of the weather’
‘How are you feeling? Oh that must be a relief/oh poor you, how grim.’
‘Is this the first grandchild?’(if you know they have parents and are in contact with them)
‘Have you started thinking about names?’

(This is all assuming that the pregnant person is a dreadful conversationalist who doesn’t give you good leads/openings after the first question.)

Just don't mention sex

Just don't mention sex

Is this the first time you've encountered the widespread social convention that we don't ask acquaintances about their sex lives?! If so, I think this thread has done you (and everyone around you) a pretty massive favour...

Weirdly it's never been a problem for me. I have one of those faces, strangers tell me all sorts of things

It is extremely rude. I had a similar experience when I went to a party at my mums house. My stepfather who brought me up from age 1 is black and I am clearly the whitest of white.
One of the guests actually had the temerity to ask me where my real father was. I didn't know this guest from adam!
I said he (my stepfather) is my real father and walked off, livid.

Just don't mention sex

That’s right, you’ve got it! Asking people for details of their sex lives unsolicited (except for the fact that they may have got pregnant through having sex) is impolite.

If people want to share with you, good for them. That doesn’t, however, mean you get to know about everyone’s.

I find that so rude!

I had twins and so many people said "Oh twins! was it IVF?" This happened at work, friends, family, at Tescos... On one memorable occasion I replied "No, not IVF" and they came back with "Oh! how long were your trying?" I replied "Oh one fuck and we were done". I did usually try to be more gracious but I find comments such as "were they planned" very rude.

I'd try and keep the response sweet with a gentle "Yes, planned" or maybe have some fun "Planned? No, I fuck around all the time", "You can PLAN?", "No, total mistake", "Yes, we put an application in to the Council". Good luck!