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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GP-in-law funeral Vs sports day

308 replies

RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:18

We've decided DH will do the funeral, (his Grandparent), and I will do sports day. It's the first for DS2.

Perfectly reasonable split, we think, but family member organising the funeral is unimpressed.

AIBU to prioritise living children over dead grandad-in-law?

OP posts:
Fitzsimmons · 29/05/2018 20:19

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. I take it you weren't close to the deceased?

TheOneWith · 29/05/2018 20:21

I just can’t imagine not going to DH grandad’s funeral, especially choosing to go to a sports day instead.

So no, it’s not the choice I’d have made.

sonjadog · 29/05/2018 20:21

I would be unimpressed too. I would go to the funeral. Sports Days come along at regular intervals.

CluedoAddict · 29/05/2018 20:22

Funeral is much more important.

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:22

Not especially. Christmas, Easter, a few times in between. I got on well enough with him as did the children but he's not my Grandad so I don't think I'll be particularly missed.

OP posts:
redcaryellowcar · 29/05/2018 20:23

I think it's a perfectly reasonable division of labours and if he was a fun loving grandad he would have been happy that one of you was there cheering on his great grandchild!

Hmmisthatit · 29/05/2018 20:23

Really? Sports day for a small child jumping in hoops and possibly running 25m over a GP in law funeral. No not the decision I would have made.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/05/2018 20:24

Maybe your dh would like the support.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 29/05/2018 20:24

What would the late grandfather have wanted?

If I was organising a close family member’s funeral, I imagine I’d be too caught up in my own grief to start getting offended at who was and wasn’t going to be attending Confused

ElspethTascioni · 29/05/2018 20:24

Me and the children would be at the funeral, not the sports day.

ilovesooty · 29/05/2018 20:24

I think if I were the family of the deceased I'd be upset too.

Dancingmonkey87 · 29/05/2018 20:24

Wow couple of months ago I arranged child care so I could support my dh attend his grandfathers funeral

crimsonlake · 29/05/2018 20:25

You should be there for your husband and to show support for the family.

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:25

I don't think it is more important. He's not my family. I don't see many of the family on even a yearly basis. Missing a first sports day for an excited 5yo seems far more awful. Grandad wouldn't care, he'd be the first to say funerals are for the living not the dead.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 29/05/2018 20:25

Not yours, but your partner´s grandparent and your son´s great-grandparent. You go for them, not for yourself.

BertrandRussell · 29/05/2018 20:25

Blimey. Funeral, of course.

Dancingmonkey87 · 29/05/2018 20:25

Wow aren’t you a delight op Biscuit

Somertime · 29/05/2018 20:26

I'd do the same for your kids. Sports day really matter for them and having a parent there is important.

BeesAndMist · 29/05/2018 20:26

I’d count that as being fairly close. Do dc’s not want to attend?

busybuildingdens · 29/05/2018 20:26

I think your plan is fair enough. Assuming you wouldn’t be taking your DC out of school, they are the ones who will notice nobody is there for them, not your GF-in-law. If your DH is happy to go on his own, I don’t see the problem.

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:26

DH and I agreed the plan together. He suggested we split the day.

OP posts:
donajimena · 29/05/2018 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Namechange2protecttheinnocent · 29/05/2018 20:27

Not what I would do.

PrettyLovely · 29/05/2018 20:27

I wouldnt want to let the 5year old down if they were excited for sports day, If you werent especially close I would do the sports day.

ToadsforJustice · 29/05/2018 20:27

I don't think that children should ever go to funerals. Life is for the living. Sports day is a better choice for DS2.