GP-in-law funeral Vs sports day

[RatOnnaStick]

We've decided DH will do the funeral, (his Grandparent), and I will do sports day. It's the first for DS2.

Perfectly reasonable split, we think, but family member organising the funeral is unimpressed.

AIBU to prioritise living children over dead grandad-in-law?

DH had no relationship with my grandfather. He’d had Alzheimer’s for as long as my DH knew him.

My dc’s are 5 and 2. Dc1 has been to 2 funerals, dc2 to 1. They were both my grandparents, seen probably 6 or so times a year. I find it very odd not to take dc to funerals, is it a cultural thing? So you just say ‘x has died, it’s sad’ and never speak of it again? Or do you not even tell them? I think funerals are a nice way of remembering all the things a person has done and making it less sad than it is.

Selfish choice

definitely would go to the sports day - my husband didn't come to my gran's funeral even though he adored her because we had no-one to look after our children - absolutely the right decision OP

The responses on this thread are binary.

For me funerals are an issue of respect. Your respect as an individual person. If you didn't respect your DH's grandparent or had no feeling for him then of course the sports day option is right for you

Is there an issue about the example set? It's not one you've raised but when bringing up children to be respectful of others, dodging funerals (and trust me, no-one ever in this world wants to go to a funeral) is not the best example to set.

It's not that I don't consider dh's grandad family. It's that I don't consider DHs uncle my family, and he is the one who is bothered. DHs Grandad wouldn't be bothered even if there was anything left of him to know.

I don't think it is more important. He's not my family.

I kind of had an open mind until I read this. How is he not your family? Surely when you marry, your in-laws do become your family. It's sad that you don't see it that way.

You sound rather cold tbh. Perhaps it's just how you have come across on here, but I find your attitude really hard to understand.

Grandad wouldn't care, he'd be the first to say funerals are for the living not the dead

So go. For your living husband and ils. Smh

I wouldn't take young children to a funeral so it seems reasonable to me. When my Nan died my DH stayed at home with our kids and my neice and nephew and then brought them along to the get together afterwards.

X post

Funeral would be prioritied by us, to support dh, PIL and show respect to other in laws.

I don't think the plan is unreasonable, but I think your attitude in general is crass.

That’s awful. I couldn’t imagine my partner not being at my grandparents funeral. This is either a joke or your totally heartless

I would go to sports day.

I’m not sure why you asked the question OP. The majority of posters think you should go to the funeral. You disagree and think you’re perfectly reasonable to go to sports day instead. You’ve clearly already made your mind up.

I would go to the funeral. It is your husband's grandfather, it is a family day, and your DS will meet lots of relatives there.

I have (probably inappropriately) fond memories of being dragged down the country for various funerals of relatives I hardly knew, and the subsequent gatherings with second and third cousins. It is all a part of life, and gradually builds an understanding of family and generations and mortality.

If it simply came down to prioritising the living over the dead nobody need bother to attend any funeral.

Not your family??? Remember that it's

A. Your children's family

B. When one of your family die

You sound awful!

I think your children would be disappointed if you didn't go and see them at the Sports day. Mine definitely would be esp if you have a young child of 5. If you weren't that close to your grandfather in law, I don't see there being a problem. Your dh is going.

I couldn’t imagine my partner not being at my grandparents funeral

But some of us could (and have been in that situation). As I said above, my DH didn’t come to my grandfathers funeral. He was at home with my 1 year old, for whom we had no other childcare. It was a 2.5 hour drive each way and I wasn’t dragging my baby there.
I had plenty of other family there and we supported each other.

Have you created this in the hopes that it ends up in some low-rent tabloid: "Mother splits opinion on popular parenting site over Sports day and in-law funeral attendance"

You sound incredibly crass and glib.

I think it is entirely the right thing to do. Mind I might be biased as my DH has just lost a GP and I am not going to the funeral, as have childcare and other commitments. I have also recently lost a close family member and I am still grieving, so will probably cry for all the wrong reasons and end up needing DH's support rather than me supporting him

DH will be there to support his grieving parent, who completely understands why I can't come and wouldn't want DC attending the funeral either.

I am supporting MIL in other ways, she will be staying with us for some time after the funeral, and going on holiday with us later in the year.

If your DH and MIL think it is the right thing to do, there should be no problem. Can't believe so many people are giving you a hard time.

If it was MIL funeral it might be different or a very small family so no-one else to support the grieving relative, but this does not seem to be the case here.

“AIBU?”
“Yes”
“No I’m not”

Why are you even asking? It's blatantly obvious where your priorities lie.

YANBU at all. No idea why you’re getting so much grief. Hope your DS enjoys sports day

Yup. No mind-changing will be happening, just interested to see opinions.

My husband's family are not my family. My family are not his family. Immediate relatives aside, the children will always come before annoying a distant relative who I will never likely meet.