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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

GP-in-law funeral Vs sports day

308 replies

RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:18

We've decided DH will do the funeral, (his Grandparent), and I will do sports day. It's the first for DS2.

Perfectly reasonable split, we think, but family member organising the funeral is unimpressed.

AIBU to prioritise living children over dead grandad-in-law?

OP posts:
Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:28

DC's are five and seven. They will not be more than peripherally aware that the funeral has happened. They certainly will not be missing school to attend.

OP posts:
brummiesue · 29/05/2018 20:28

Sorry but I disagree, a young boy needs parent at his first sports day more than you need to be at the funeral of an elderly distant relative, you are 100% doing the right thing.

Dancingmonkey87 · 29/05/2018 20:29

As pp said why post then? Are you just bored?

piefacedClique · 29/05/2018 20:29

Let’s hope sports day is rained off! That would be the best solution! I can see your point OP but I don’t think I could miss that funeral.... there will be lots of other children who won’t have a parent at sports day just take them out for a treat afterwards! Or as I say.... pray it’s rained off!

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 29/05/2018 20:30

Totally sports day. It's not about you, it's about the 5yo who would be gutted either to miss the day or to not have a parent there.

Unless there are a whole host of gps/aunties/uncles who can go to sports day, that sounds like a plan!

liquidrevolution · 29/05/2018 20:30

I would do the same.

Mind you I missed both my mums parents funerals because I was at uni and had major exams on one of them and was studying abroad for the other.

VileyRose · 29/05/2018 20:30

I would go to the funeral.

grasspigeons · 29/05/2018 20:30

its not the choice I'd have made
Doesn't your DH and FIL need support.

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:30

I posted to get other opinions. DHs uncle is organising it and he is the one who was a little put out. Nobody else has said anything other than it's a sensible plan.

I just wanted to see how common his reaction is really - to see if others would think me unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 29/05/2018 20:30

What's the point in asking if you already know what you doing?
People say you YABU but you answer back.
Pointless thread.

Amummyatlast · 29/05/2018 20:31

I wouldn't expect DH or my DD to attend the funeral of my grandparent. I would much rather she went to her sports day.

TheOneWith · 29/05/2018 20:32

Not quite sure why you’ve posted then?

You’re happy, your DH is happy, you don’t give a crap about the feelings of any of your DH family, you don’t class them as your family, your DH is presumably going to explain to unimpressed family members that it was his idea for you to give the funeral a swerve.

so what’s the issue?

notacooldad · 29/05/2018 20:32

X post with your answer but if you've already made your mind up that's that then!

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:32

Mil (daughter) has lots of support, including DH. Mine will not be noticed one way or the other on the day.

OP posts:
Yura · 29/05/2018 20:32

I wouldn't take a 5 year old to a funeral. since he wouldn't be going to the funeral, school makes sense. And him being one of the few kuds without a parent there wouldn't be nice. So, yes, your plan is definitely not unreasonable. i would do the same

lemonsunshinecake · 29/05/2018 20:33

It's a no brainer. You go to the funeral. It shouldn't even be an option. You can see your child run around with an egg and spoon any time.

Original poster
RatOnnaStick · 29/05/2018 20:33

Issue is to see what other opinions are. Plan will not change.

OP posts:
Marriedwithchildren5 · 29/05/2018 20:33

Ah sports day All the way!! You only go to the funeral if you feel you need to go. I get why you asked. Ignore the precious people. Celebrate life surely!

BeesAndMist · 29/05/2018 20:33

It’s not what I would do and I would completely understand family being upset if dc and I didn’t attend a gp’s/ ggp’s funeral. But every family is different, this works for you, you’re doing it anyway so it doesn’t matter what others think surely?

XiCi · 29/05/2018 20:33

Why are you bothering to ask here then if you and your DH are happy with the decision? You sound completely lacking in empathy. Would you expect your DH to say I'm not coming to the funeral, not my family, if a close family member of yours had died? I'd personally have gone to the funeral to support my DH and asked my mum or dad to watch sports day so they had someone they love there to watch them.

windowing · 29/05/2018 20:33

I missed DHs grandmas funeral. I'd met her 4 times in total and we had 2 children under 5 and no childcare.

Perfectly happy with our choice and no one commented. However DHs family are a bit posh and repressed so they could have been seething and I'd never know. It's very restful really....

lardymclardy · 29/05/2018 20:34

I originally thought you unreasonable as it's your DH grandparent and maybe he will need the support too. I was very close to my Nan who died recently as were my children, we would have fucked off sports day in a heartbeat. Reading that you agreed it between both of you though, then I can't see the issue.

Sofiathefirst2346 · 29/05/2018 20:34

Seems perfectly reasonable OP. If DH doesn’t need support then you are doing exactly the right thing xx

grasspigeons · 29/05/2018 20:34

RatOnnaStick well if MIL and DH are happy with it, those are the people that are important in my mind. some families just aren't close.

greenlavender · 29/05/2018 20:34

I agree with you OP.