Aibu to think it’s not a holiday for me?

[shitholiday2018]

We are very lucky. We are away. We self cater as hate hotels and having to be on someone else’s timescales for being up, meals etc.

Every single year I fucking hate it. It’s no holiday for me. I forget in between but I end up doing all the shit still despite being in of two parents. My husband is not unkind but impractical and, frankly, utterly thoughtless. I had a lie in today and awoke to find the kids had just watched tv for two hours. No breakfast. No essential medicine for one of them. Couldn’t see why I was pissed off. Wet towels from his beach bag still in there from yesterday, unwashed. He has to be told to do every minor thing. It’s exhausting and I’ve had enough.

This happens literally every year. I have a tantrum a day or two in and it gets vaguely better. I’m bored of tantrumming, I’m upset and tired of it all. He said today he couldn’t steam broccoli despite there being pans and a microwave and I literally went into shut down. He is extremely bright and does a high pressure job but can’t work out how cook his kids some veg.

I just can’t talk to him because I’m all out of words. This is ten years of holidays and I’m done explaining why it’s not a holiday for me. I’m done giving the same explanations about meds, skin conditions, bed wetting arrangements, how to cook fucking broccoli etc for the millionth time. I’m fed up with being the only parent here. I work too but assume all th childcare resps usually as I do part time and lower pressure. I don’t mind this (genuinely) but think it’s makes him utterly lazy and thoughtless - because in everyday life he never has to think about anyone but himself.

I always make sure everyone eats enough, drinks enough, medical conditions sorted, clothes clean, done enough exercise, de-stressed etc. I like making sure everyone is happy and well. I am self sufficient but sometimes it becomes very clear that there is no one ever doing that for me and I’m bloody fed up of it. My kids aren’t old enough to be responsible, they are completely blameless in this.

I don’t need solutions as there are none. I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable in being utterly fucked off and essentially ignoring him.

YANBU but Einstein's definition of madness is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. Your DH is lazy, I know you say you don't like hotels but you don't like self catering either, have a strong word with DH this year and next year book into a resort hotel

How old are your kids? Cant they get their own breakfast? 2 hours isnt long to be up without eating.

Anyway re food, we used to either eat out or have no cook foods if you're somewhere hot - aka salads, cheeses, cured meats, bread, fruit. Basically dont cook when on holiday, even if self catering.

Or refuse to book next year and make it clear that his lazy irresponsible behaviour is the reason.

Next year book an all inclusive hotel somewhere.

Also so what if his beach towel is unwashed and still wet? Just leave it there.

If you hate hotels and being on someone else’s schedule then self catered is the only option for holidays surely? His being an idiot is a seperate issue but you have chosen to remain married to him & you agreed to this holiday.

Next time go to a bloody hotel - being on someone else’s schedule is the price you need to pay for a rest sometimes. Let your dh ferry the kids around to restaurants for brekkie etc - he should be able to do that at least.

That's why we stay in a hotel. Easier

You hate hotels but you also hate self catering! Just do something else.

Have you looked into child friendly hotels? Boutique hotels? Buy a shed load of healthy preprepared meals so that no one has to steam broccoli on holiday?!

Yep - go all inclusive

Job done

One needs to eat before taking essential meds so it’s more important than just a late breakfast. He knows this.

Kids are 7 and 8. They can get breakfast but he was up and just left them watching tv. They’d need reminding to switch off. We never do two hours of telly before brek.

I hate resort hotels. I’m quite anti social on holiday. I love peace, and being around a million people isn’t what I’d like to do. I know it’s a better solution but genuinely think I’d rather stay at home. Sounds silly but it’s true.

Or btw have you considered campsites? It means you can use the campsite bar/restaurant for food

You say you hate hotels but it sounds like self catering is a train crash also!!! Do you hate hotels OP? Or is it your husband that doesn’t like them and prefers self catering??

Sorry it’s worth saying too that medical condition for one child is a bowel one and she needs loads of fruit and veg. Otherwise I wouldn’t be near broccoli on hols.

So what do you want to do about it?

You married and had children with a a man who isn’t interested in family life.

I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable in being utterly fucked off and essentially ignoring him

Yes YABU. You’re on holiday and creating an atmosphere that your kids have no choice but to put up with.

Given that it’s been exactly the same every other year, why the fuck are you doing this again for the tenth year running?[confused What made you think it’d be different this year?

Just saw your update, campsites would be ideal for you.

Btw i reckon 7 and 8 is WELL old enough to sort their own breakfasts and (not a parent so not sure) isnt 7 old enough to know about taking their medication (if this is a lifetime thing)?

Anyway your DH sounds lazy and selfish

Is he like this at home too? I"m guessing so. He's been getting away with it for years and just plays the 'I don't know how to' card when you ask him to actually do anything.

And what kind of grown up doesn't know how to cook vegetables? Sit him down and tell him you need him to act like a parent, not another child. If he doesn't know how to do something, google it FFS.

Are you somewhere hot? If so, why bother cooking when as i said earlier you can just do healthy salady type stuff, dips, cheese etc.

Hotel next time?

You don’t have to
Go to a big, brash, busy hotel. There are plenty small, family run hotels suitable for families. Or a SC apartment where you can use hotel facilities if you want/as you fancy?
The current set up sounds like a nightmare - I can’t believe your husband is really saying he doesn’t understand why your pissed off?! Is he this unhelpful/out of touch at home?!

You both sound like you’d make the holiday stressful. No harm will come to the kids if they watch TV before breakfast as a one-off on HOLIDAY! And forget the steamed broccoli - order in food or go out. Chill.

I was wondering if it's actually the husband who hates hotels. I had one of these in thr past!

I think at 7 and 8 your children are too young to be steaming broccoli alone but they should be perfectly capable of grabbing a bowl of cereal if they're hungry and even taking a tablet afterwards.

Maybe it's not just your husband you're babying? You may find life easier if you 'instruct' your family on what essentials need doing (maybe just leave out a list?), then let them get on with it.

Fellow hotel hater here. Rule no 1 though is we are on holiday! So no fancy meals being cooked (we eat out) and no worrying about chores. I can't do anything about your DH though. He needs a shake!

I get you. How old are the kids. Have you sat down and told him how you feel? I mean calmly? The essential medicine is important the rest he can do in his own time. So when you get up and find the kids haven’t have breakfast rather than getting them breakfast ask what he is doing you all for breakfast. ( I know you shouldn’t have to but it does mean you not doing it all), agree a night he is sorting tea and leave him too it.