Aibu to think it’s not a holiday for me?

[shitholiday2018]

We are very lucky. We are away. We self cater as hate hotels and having to be on someone else’s timescales for being up, meals etc.

Every single year I fucking hate it. It’s no holiday for me. I forget in between but I end up doing all the shit still despite being in of two parents. My husband is not unkind but impractical and, frankly, utterly thoughtless. I had a lie in today and awoke to find the kids had just watched tv for two hours. No breakfast. No essential medicine for one of them. Couldn’t see why I was pissed off. Wet towels from his beach bag still in there from yesterday, unwashed. He has to be told to do every minor thing. It’s exhausting and I’ve had enough.

This happens literally every year. I have a tantrum a day or two in and it gets vaguely better. I’m bored of tantrumming, I’m upset and tired of it all. He said today he couldn’t steam broccoli despite there being pans and a microwave and I literally went into shut down. He is extremely bright and does a high pressure job but can’t work out how cook his kids some veg.

I just can’t talk to him because I’m all out of words. This is ten years of holidays and I’m done explaining why it’s not a holiday for me. I’m done giving the same explanations about meds, skin conditions, bed wetting arrangements, how to cook fucking broccoli etc for the millionth time. I’m fed up with being the only parent here. I work too but assume all th childcare resps usually as I do part time and lower pressure. I don’t mind this (genuinely) but think it’s makes him utterly lazy and thoughtless - because in everyday life he never has to think about anyone but himself.

I always make sure everyone eats enough, drinks enough, medical conditions sorted, clothes clean, done enough exercise, de-stressed etc. I like making sure everyone is happy and well. I am self sufficient but sometimes it becomes very clear that there is no one ever doing that for me and I’m bloody fed up of it. My kids aren’t old enough to be responsible, they are completely blameless in this.

I don’t need solutions as there are none. I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable in being utterly fucked off and essentially ignoring him.

Call me old fashioned but I think the person paying for the holiday should be the one getting lie ins. Why on earth should someone who's been out working 12 hour days to pay for it not get to enjoy it because they're too busy steaming vegetables?

EdiShowers because earning ability does not always equate with worth.

You have a very inhumane attitude.

What is a person's ability to earn is limited- they are old or incapacitated or have a learning disability?
What if they can't work because they care for others?
Do you have the right to treat these people as servants?

Do these people not deserve a lie in?

Edi you are confusing contribution with paying. I earn less - do I get down time on a ratio of relative pounds earned? And what if I’m a nurse, married to a banker. Do I still ‘deserve’ less down time? Who decides what is deserving of rest and what isn’t - the bank account?

Your arguments are so dreadfully flawed. Life is not black and white, it’s not pounds and pence, it’s not a competition.

On holiday everyone contributes. Not based on some crazy ratio premised on flawed sociology, but based on basic human nature- you’re here, you contribute.

Your ivory tower must be a terrible lonely place.

And you’re not old fashioned edi, you’re plain old bog standard selfish.

Edi I think you must be on a wind up! Surely! If one parent stays at home to look after the children whilst the other goes out to work (which isn't the case for the OP anyway) you do realise that the one staying at home is what enables the other to work such long hours without having to worry about picking the kids up, taking them to activities etc. It's called raising a family together! Contributing to family life. And then enjoying family holidays! What a strange attitude you have

@edi .....firstly the OP is not a SAHP and secondly wtf?!?! So when does a SAHP parent get a break? Does going out to work abdicate you from all household and parental responsibility?? Unbelievable....you do know it's 2018 right?

I can't decide if Edi is being deliberately goady, isn't bothering to read the OP's posts (or any of the others properly) or has been thrown out of the 1950s for her antiquated views on feminism.

I think. Edit sounds bitter.

Oops. Try again.
I think Edi sounds bitter.

I think 7 is too young to be doing medication, my 12 year old does his own medication but it's too much responsibility for a young child. And why should they just because their dad can't be arsed to remember they have a medical condition.

OP I think a small AI hotel would be better in the off season so October half term or Feb half term, the canaries or Egypt would be hot still.

Sorry OP your other half sounds like an "incompetent husband" as per previous posts in this forum.
I bet he can remember things that are of benefit to him can't he? But if he forgets the DC medication, how to steam broccoli, you will step in and eventually you will stop asking him.

How many more days of your holiday have you got, OP?

It your DH just going to continue opting out?

I honestly don't see how a carefully researched hotel can POSSIBLY be worse than this.

And why are people continuing to engage with Edi? Just ignore it, please, it's boring watching people fighting relentlessly on support threads with someone so irrelevant.

And of course your DH 'hates' hotels.

He hasn't got the first clue as to what self-catering is actually like.

Why on earth should someone who's been out working 12 hour days to pay for it not get to enjoy it

My day

Up at 7
Sort breakfast
Sort clothes
Bags - PE book bags swimming
Find homework
Make sure they have money and any forms signed and ready to go
Supervise teeth
Find shoes
Apply sun cream
Check for inhalers lunch cards etc
Get ready for work
Drive 3 kids to 3 schools
Get to work
Full on day til 3:30
Start tea and homework
Sort dog food/walk
Sort baths and hair
Help with homework
Sort paperwork
Do some house work
Sit down about 8pm

DH
Up at 7:30
Showers
Dresses goes to work
Has lunch with friends
Comes homeboy to tea cooked
Clean kitchen puts on dishwasher
Sits down 6pm

Who's contributes most?

Call me old fashioned but I think the person paying for the holiday should be the one getting lie ins

I would like to call you more for your stupid posts but sadly I dont want deleted! Again me and DH are a team so finances are all pooled, regardless of who earns the most. Its a rather sad attitude you have really to relationships.

Today has been very different. He had done pretty much everything all day. It was a propos am argumeng for sure, but he dud everything, from the suncrean (we both hate that, they detest it), to taking them to the loo on the beach (unheard of). He played wit the kids all day on the beach and I read half my book!! He missed stuff, for sure, but he is trying. And that’s all I want.

Thank you so much for all your war cries that made me address this. There is more work to be done, including empowering my kids to do more for themselves so relieve the pressure and, as someone rightly said, teach them to look after themselves. It feels like an entirely different holiday already.

Next year though I am looking for that AI/villa/hotel thing. I will never self cater again.

Thank you.

Sun cream - buy the spray on - 2 second job and no hands needed
Plus a face stick - kids do it themselves and handy in your bag

That is awesome - definitely progress. As long as he maintains it.

Assuming he does keep it up for the duration of the holiday, I'd probably let any conversations wait until you get home, and then get everyone involved in how tasks can be shared more equitably.

Maybe a written rota, which includes his name and tasks, pinned up somewhere prominent to guide all family members to doing their share of the family tasks when you're home.

Thank you! Yes we need to try and enjoy the rest of the week and regroup once Home. Won’t let things slip though. Lists do not work well with him, I think I will literally need to handover ultimate responsibility entire chunks of time, rather than jobs.

So pleased op. Well done. Sometimes throwing toys out of the pram is what's required. And hopefully you and DH will have conferred a bit more before next year's hols so things are different. Have a brilliant time!

We are away in a caravan atm. I refuse to cook! I get bread and jam for breakfast. Cheese and salad for lunch and we eat out ( using offers deals and vouchers ) for dinner. I don't tidy or clean either. The van is a mess but I'm sitting reading!!! It's my only holiday this year so I don't care ! My kids are 14 and 8 so a bit older but oldest has asd so not mature enough to do things yet.

when does a SAHP parent get a break

SAHP parents to school aged children have plenty of breaks. I know I did when I was a SAHP.

bread and jam for breakfast. Cheese and salad for lunch

I am sorry but that wouldn't work for our family.

Well done OP for having such difficult conversations. I do hope you have a wonderful end to your holiday.

You might find a resort style holiday also works well with being able to go off and have a spa treatment or similar and just leave DH with the kids so you can get some mental space. I do this with DH, he's generally great but as a SAHP, I do need some time out from our toddler (DH also gets his share of time off from work and the kids, Edi)