To ask if young women make you feel sad too

[VogueVVague]

So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.

But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.

I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.

I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.

And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.

Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.

Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.

I can't remember a time in my life when I would have wanted to be 19 again.

I'm nearly 70 now, healthy, happy and not looking my age and I still wouldn't want to be 19. Wouldn't mind being in my 30s though.

Stop looking back, as the song says: those days are gone, and enjoy the age you are now. At 31 you're at your peak.

My thirties were grim for a few reasons, but I'm now halfway through my forties and this has been my happiest decade so far. There have been a few threads where several MNers around my age & older have agreed on that.

I'm more confident & secure in myself now (although admittedly I'm lesbian so I was never bothered about attention from men!)

I don’t miss the hassle and pestering from men. I hated it so much in my teens

No, I don't feel this. I have things now I didn't then, lovely children, a loving husband, a stable bome. I wouldn't swap my current life for the appearance of youth. I think every life stage offers different opportunities and as long as we get to experience them all we are doing well. You are 31 and go the gym and cycle. I'm sure you look great!

@pigsDOfly
No i agree, i feel great currently and so much better than my teens and 20s, so much more confident.

It was just that feeling like - when men look at me now they see a fully grown woman (hopefully!) on their level. Never again will i be on the receiving end of that kind of totally charmed look that ive only ever really seen younger women get.

As i say this isnt something i think about very often. Very occasionally like today it just occurs to me.

But dont worry - i dont want to go back in time!

Nope. I am 36 and never wanted to go back.

I am fatter now. But more comfortable in my own body and with my looks than I have ever been.

It's OK to remember the kid you used to be but would you really want to do all that again? Don't panic at what I'm about to say but when you hit 40 you'll stop caring what anyone thinks (hopefully) and it's really very liberating. I'm sure you're fabulous just the way you are.

I’m 47 and I wish I were 19 again so much. Made me tearful just writing that.

Nope, never. I’m 30 and quite happy about it. Being 19 was shit for multiple reasons, no desire to go back. I also think I look and dress better now.

I also think I’m still a young woman! When I read the title I assumed you’d be 60 or something.

I think I look better than most nineteen year olds tbh.

I was beautiful at nineteen but I didn't look like a woman. I wasn't as sexually attractive as I am now.

I think its strange if you feel wistful for your girlhood when you are at the start of the decade when most women are at their peak.

As for men who prefer girls over women?
Trust me, you don't want their attention anyway

@FlyingElbows
Oh god!
I dont think im explaining things properly. Im happier now and dont want to go back at all. Its just a feeling of something lost, time passing. I dont know!

I'm the same age as you, I don't think I'm not young.
I am glad I have more common sense and knowledge and am settled now, the so called 'innocence' of teen / early 20's is not all it's cracked up to be.

Oh god no. I’m much happier now
(at 41). I’d visit my late twenties for a holiday, but wouldn’t want to stay there.

@JacintaJones
I also feel sexier now, its great innit?

I guess thats the crux of what im saying. Its interesting and weird but its like you swap flawless beauty for sexiness.

I don't feel like this, I had a great time in my early 20s and teens, am in 30s now and this is the best I've felt about myself ever. And I know I'm still growing into myself and feeling better and better every year.

It would be sad if I felt like I already peaked and it was all downhill now until death.

Like at 19 i would have been propping up the bar chattering away with (in my head charmingly) inane BS, all bright eyed, now im a more wry and guarded in conversation (although still very open). I miss my naivety i think. Although it did get me into some pretty hair raising situations.

Christ no.

I am 56 and I feel totally liberrated from all that shit.

To be dewey and sparkly- FFS.

And btw get a grip- you are 31.

I have a 6 pack size 10 and take stairs two at at time.

Not me, I never felt fresh-faced and dewy eyed. Spent my teen years and most of my twenties feeling socially awkward and alien. Wouldn't want to revisit my life before the age of 30. Wouldn't have minded having the confidence I have now when I was in my thirties though.

@speakout
Yeah well i take the stairs 4 at a time. BAAAAAM

I do get the occasional bout of nostalgia for times gone by though. Just means that I have many good memories which is obviously a great thing.

So we're all in agreement that our 30s rock. This seems to be the consensus and my mum said the same.

Then what happens in your 40s?

VogueVVague you are being slightly pathetic.

You probably know that though.

it does feel weird when you get to the age of being a bit invisible to men, especially if you were used to a lot of attention before.
I dont feel like its a bad thing though. I rather like it.

My thirties were my favourite decade, I have been a bit wistful lately but usually I just hope that those young dewey eyed things don't waste their years on this planet. I felt really very good about everything looks wise until I had the menopause. I was very lucky indeed to not have any lines at all until after this when I hit fifty. I still don't have that many for a mature woman, my parents were both very unlined especially my Dad well in to his eighties.

When I was 19 I was four stone overweight and had undiagnosed mental health problems and an abusive relationship.

I don't know if I looked dewy or sparky, doubt it, but if I did, it was well worth losing to be where I am now.