So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.
But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.
I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.
I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.
And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.
Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.
Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.