To ask if young women make you feel sad too

[VogueVVague]

So im at the gym following my workout chatting to the guy who mans the desk and this young woman (her maybe 19, me 31) arrives. Ive met her before and shes lovely.

But it made me feel a wave of sadness. I felt wistful remembering me at that age, all sparkly eyed and charmingly open and fresh faced.

I feel like an attractive woman, i like my face and my body. But inevitably ive lost that dewy clearness of youth and the sparky unawareness that comes with it.

I mean inevitably im a little more blase and womanly now.

And dont get me wrong, i dont go home and sob into the taffeta dress i wore for my 18th birthday party. But sometimes this hits me, a bittersweet feeling, and i watched this guy start focussing more on her so i ducked out and cycled home pondering this. I realised i would never be able to recapture that vibe.

Is it a normal feeling? How does it develop as you get older? I think back now to when i was her age and i remembet recognising yhis feeling in the eyes of some of tye women i met in bars who were older than me.

Its not sadness really its feeling wistful.

I agree with you entirely OP.

Not for all the money in the world!

I'm in my mid 30s and I look great.

When I was in my early 20s, I was miserable, insecure and much too preoccupied with that to enjoy being fresh faced.

The fact that my teenage acne only really cleared up in my late 20s probably helps; I never missed my 'youthful' face as, in my case, youthful mostly just meant spotty.

Flip.

im in my early forties and objectively my life is really really shit compared to so many others.

Im strangely content though - just delighted to not need to survive on mega doses of anti-depressants any longer.

I was always invisible to men - even my husband. So im only mourning the idea of male attention as opposed to the reality. Apart from three healthy kids who i adore and cherish i have nothing else to show for teh past 15 years. Financial difficulties, cruel husband have taken their toll on my appearance, my confidence, and worst of all, my self-compassion.

No more - i am choosing to say Fuck That! I am fighting back and good luck to anyone that underestimates me. Im releasing my inner power and dignity to take a slice of life i deserve - nothing against 19 year olds --- none of us get out of life unscathed.

I feel the opposite! I am a big client at my local phone bar/ nail salon and chat a lot to the mainly male staff about their families etc. I was in there once when a stunning, much younger woman came in and stayed and although I noticed the attention she got I just felt sad that she goes through life with such background noise.
Robbie Williams described being famous as having ping pong balls constantly batted at you. I think being young and beautiful is the same. Not painful, but incredibly distracting.

@Sosogoodagain I don’t feel the opposite you but to the OP.
You have the tools to be happy in your skin and self aware.

I know what you mean OP. It is very noticeable in gyms. But that's not a natural environment.

Youth is wasted on the young!

I'm 48 and still get more male attention than I want (I look younger than my age though so maybe they don't see me as pushing 50). When I was 19 I was shy and awkward and didn't really enjoy what youth had to offer

I'm 47. I vaguely considered asking the gym to ban under 25's from working out in front of me, due to it ruining my self esteem.

Kidding. But it's only a fleeting depression isn't it. I was never taut and toned anyway so I haven't lost what I never had. Maybe more just the attitude and freeeeeedom that young people emanate.

I get slightly sad watching rockumentaries on bbc4. Without fail, they feature achingly gorgeous young men (and occasionally women) with talent to spare and the world at their feet. When it cuts to the present day interview its like holy shit. The human ageing process is a cruel master but it beats the bloody alternative I guess.

I loved my thirties, my fourth decade on this planet.

Conversely I'm also looking forward to my sixties, my seventh decade. I'm feeling alive again after menopause and raising children and seeing them become independent.

Me time again soon!

No they don't make me feel sad at all. I'm 45 so the flush of youth has passed but I look good for my age....I admire younger women and enjoy seeing their energy and verve. I remember my own youth with extreme fondness....I had a bloody great youth.

But now, I'm having quite a nice middle age. It's not perfect....but neither was my youth...I was pretty lost in the wilderness quite often...some awful men...scary times now and then but all in all it was great.

I like not being concerned with finding a partner and all that palaver....I like that I've had my kids now. I like that I can be honest about wanting to stay in and have a cup of tea instead of going out!

I no longer need the validation of men to make me feel worthy.

Yes, OP. Especially since a year ago, I have been called "Miss", sometimes even "Young Lady" and now it's "Mam".

My favourite decade is my current one - my 60s. I am lucky - not rich but secure, no mortgage, some savings. Children all making their way in good careers. Yes, I am one of the boomers and know how fortunate I have been financially - and I help my children with £ and gifts and sympathise hugely with the financial struggles of millennials and the late 20th century generation. Horrible divorce over years ago and now am fiercely independent, never lonely. Not smug - disaster can strike any of us but confident of my ability to at least have a bash at coping with what comes. My teens, twenties and thirties were fraught with anxiety over men - a great day when I realised I don’t need a bloke to be a complete and functioning human being. Sorry for the essay.

I'm also the mother of two daughters in their 20s and a son who is a teenager. I love looking at the youthful exuberance of my daughters. They bring joy to my life, as does my son.

Nope, I don't get this. I'm early 30s and love feeling more settled and secure - financially, relationship-wise, career wise. At 19 I was a bit terrified by the idea of my whole adult life stretching before me and not knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Being a bit of an emo kid didn't help either! Only thing I miss is my 19 year old weight, but I didn't appreciate it at the time and thought I was horribly obese at size 12

I was a cracking moose at 19, still am, so i have never been sad at the passing of youth in a 'don't get the male attention anymore' way. I never lit up a room or giggled on a bar stool.

I always felt fat and frumpy but i was tiny, just never realised. That's a bit sad, but nothing i can do about it.

I'm now 43 but in my head i'm 23 as that was a fantastic year full of fantastic decisions and amazing experiences. I did things totally out of my comfort zone (choice of career, emigrating) and really had a blast. And i met DH

I sometimes think back to being at secondary school and wish i had been as emotionally strong then as i am now. Being able to tell CFers to eff off, putting up boundaries and having an accurate bullshit-o-meter would have been invaluable.

God no I would hate to be 19 again. Would like to be the weight I was then, thats all.

I am 40-ish and would love to have the figure and skin tone of my 19 year old self. However, I had no f*cking clue about much at all back then, was not confident of myself and what I could offer, and now feel much more wise / cynical / understanding of how the world works now, and people / their wiles etc.

So I'm not sure I would trade my Yoda like status for my firm faced 19 year old self. Although looking at my forehead lines caused by almost constant eyebrow raising at the world around me, it's tempting..........!!

I attract more male attention at 53 from younger men than I did when I was young myself. I think it is to do with confidence and being comfortable (and sexy, which comes with age in some women) with who you are. As a teen I attracted creepy men, that would wolf whistle and toot their car horns, now I attract men that have more substance and genuinely interested in me than a leg over (sorry to be crude)

I do get what you mean. I'm 37 and I didn't appreciate what I had then physically, when I was 19 I guess nine of us did. But I was so self conscious at that age and about to get into an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years so I'm a lot happier to be where I am now

Nah, I'm late 30's now and happy where I'm at tbh What I've lost in youthfulness, I've gained in confidence and I wouldn't trade one for the other

I’m more confident in my mid 30s than I ever was as a teenager - I always felt so shy & awkward. I look back at photos & realise that I never really appreciated what I had back then, but I wouldn’t change things (expect for fewer grey hairs & a less wobblier tum!). My DH & I are ttc so I do worry I might have left that too late, but I don’t have any regrets.

I agree that there is a lot of pressure on young women now, especially when it comes to appearance. I don’t get the scary eyebrow craze either

I love ‘Persuasion’ and laugh at the concept of Anne Elliot being past her bloom at the age of 27!

Yes it's the wisdom of being older and more experienced that I wouldn't trade. I don't think I really enjoyed sex until my late 20s either! I was too body conscious and afraid to say what I liked.

Laughing at I had the the conversational skills of a mop

@fadingmemory

I want to be like you when i grow up - i really admire your attitude!

I get the nostalgia sometimes too OP, it has developed into finding it quite funny watching men become morons and the girl either play them, pity them or be completely oblivious. I had my daughter at 20 so found it weird that my switch to fully grown woman came just as she hit the age men start tripping over their tongues!